I work in an extremely small office. At most, there are only seven of us in at one time. Because of this we have a very comfortable and casual workplace and we all know each other pretty well. Every once in a while someone will get ambitious and bring in donuts or cookies or something. However, over the past few days, people have been bringing in food a lot more. Full dozens of donuts and Starbucks for everyone has come through the office like a plague. Since the recent outpouring of food, I haven’t brought anything in because I really can’t afford it, but I feel like an asshole for it.
So should I?
I’ve brought stuff in the past, so I’m not just a consumer. But, again, this is when someone would bring in treats around once a month or so. I’m not destitute by any stretch of the imagination, and I could easily bring in donuts tomorrow, but I’m worried that this trend will continue.
I want to being in more treats, but I don’t want to give the expectation that I’ll be part of this treat-bringing group because I can’t afford to sustain this pace. So what should I do? Should I bring in some treats tomorrow and hope that I’ve done my part for the time being? Or should I keep being ultra thankful for the food, but keep the expectation that I can’t do this too often?
To me, I would be of the mindset that if others are spending their money to buy/bring in food (not a vendor or something) and it is not just an occasional thing, then I either would expect to be in the “rotation” and bring in similar food (whether baked or bought) or not eat the food that others are bringing in.
If you are consuming the food and never contributing and it is regular, then yes it is sort of a jerk move.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’re a jerk if you participate without reciprocating, but one strategy would be to not participate and then disassociate yourself from the whole process. In a small office such as yours, that might not be the best option, though. Why not bring in stuff when you can (once a month or so), and don’t try to make it a perfectly equal thing? If someone is keeping track, then that person is going to be a problem no matter what.
Do you know why the frequency has significantly increased recently?
Is it possible that nobody really wants treats that often, but people are caught in a vicious circle of feeling obligated to bring something because everybody else is?
Or have people been having a lot of parties elsewhere and bringing in their leftovers?
Are you saving money on breakfast or coffee or whatever when people bring in these items? If so, use the savings to buy donuts once in a while. If you wouldn’t normally have coffee or donuts, then just say “No thanks” when offered.
A radical idea would be - “Hey office mates, are we doing donuts and coffee daily or what?”
Demonstrate to everyone that one can simply partake of the abundance occasionally, and also contribute occasionally, in turn, as suits their current means. (Which is really how all the adults should be handling this!)
Without needing to keep tally, feel guilt or question the approaches others choose to take.
Just give yourself permission to be cool with it, and honestly regulate the ‘occasional’ part. Doesn’t seem so hard, no need for high angst, just be cool.
Just tell the people how you would like to bring treats, but your budget won’t allow for this as you are saving for, I don’t know, a new car or college savings or down payment on your dream house. If they insist take one of their treats, and say thank you!
You said the past few days, so this sounds new, and hopefully temporary. Since you all get along, I would just bring it up and suggest that you all reduce the frequency. If you don’t want to make it about money, you can make it about health. You can suggest a weekly “donut/treat” day, and put up a calendar. Let folks sign up and take turns. Then everyone is on the hook once every few months.
Are you an intern or a student or otherwise obviously paid much less than the other people in your office? If so, don’t worry about it too much.
Contributions don’t need to balance out financially so much as in frequency. Can you afford anything? Like $3-5/week? Or is that too much? If you can afford $5/week, you can stock a cookie or candy jar in a shared space. Just dump a bag of snack-size snickers in once a week and when they are gone, they are gone. That’d be a way to continually support without breaking the bank. Also, if there are 7 people in the office, a dozen doughnuts is fine. That’s $6 around here–a dozen doughnuts every other week should more than satisfy anyone.
If someone is ordering Starbucks and you feel like it’s rude to refuse to get anything, order a hot tea or a drip coffee. Those are relatively cheap and send the signal that you’re not trying to take advantage of an offer.
I work in a cubicle farm, and the cubicles are not all that tall. I am proximate to a group that constantly is having bagels, donuts, coffee, etc., but I do not work directly with these people as they are on another team. So, my situation is similar to yours, only I am kind-of an outsider that happens to sit near them.
I do not partake in their food and/or coffee, and do not bring stuff in, either. But occasionally, as was today, a treat was brought to me at my desk with an offer to share. And, the guy who sits next to me is always brewing coffee in his French press and offering me some (we have since had some discussions about various coffees we like so it has served as a nice ice-breaker).
So, I do occasionally have some of what they are offering, but it is always brought to me. Not sure that makes a difference, but after considering the matter I think I need to bring something in once in a while, and I will bring in my French press next week to share a cup or two with my neighbor. I don’t think they are expecting anything from me, but I agree it would be a nice gesture on my part to recognize their inclusion of me in their snacks.
My advice echoes what has already been stated - you don’t need to be on the rotation, but if you pop-in once in a while with a contribution, it will be welcome by your office-mates.
This is a good summary of what directed me to make the thread in the first place
The problem is everyone would insist I have some and would probably be MORE of a jerk if I said no. Or, like today and Monday, someone walks in with Starbucks for the entire office and I’m handed the coffee. They’ve memorized my 'Bucks order and just throw it in my face…well…hands. I can’t say no in that instance!
I’m leaning toward the second option in your response. I’ll try to do what I can when I can to participate and save some face, but I’m not going to go crazy with it.
No, I would doubt this. If I had to make a guess, I would say that secretly everyone wants treats, but no one wants to constantly bring them in. And they aren’t leftovers, they’re literally coffee and donuts and cookies from when people are out.
I very much say thank you every time.
This is an interesting suggestion too. I might play a bit of a wait-and-see game and if this frequency keeps up, suggest a calendar.
Man, I’ve worked in offices where it seems like coordinated food efforts receive more attention than work duties. I rarely bring food, and rarely line up to participate. I will, however - scavenge. For example, yesterday there was a potluck breakfast. I was working at home. But this a.m. there were a bunch of hardening bagels, leftover coffee cake, fruit… I felt no qualms about helping myself.
Periodically, someone will send an e-mail that they brought in donuts. In such instances, if they didn’t want everyone to partake, they wouldn’t gave sent a general e-mail and left the food in the communal breakroom.
And if someone has a candy bowl out, I’ll snag the occasional piece even tho I don’t have one of my own out.
But your office is smaller than anyplace I’ve worked. If I were you, I’d probably partake only rarely, and bring in my own food infrequently - just to make it look like I wasn’t ALWAYS a TOTAL much.
I’ll also note that many people have significant difficulties with diet and willpower, such that it is problematic for people to bring in unhealthy foods. It can be hard enough to not buy/prepare them yourself, but when they are right in front of you…
(Hoping to suggest I’m not a TOTAL jerk, I do contribute to the coffee fund, and contribute $ to the annual holiday party.)
I wouldn’t stop to buy a donut, if you were going out & asked me if I wanted you to pick me up one, I’d say no. But if there’s a dozen there, I might eat one. It’s a lot harder to pass up when it’s sitting there every time you walk by.
Oh, BTW, Sir T-Cups, since you asked that question in the title…:o
As with most problems in life, this can be solved by talking with your coworkers. Ask them what they think. Ask them why there is an upsurge in treats. Let it be known you’re not going to be participating, either eating or bringing. If they don’t like that, too bad for them.
No one is obligated to be in the lottery pool, no one should be shamed for not being in the donut club. If you gets ostracized for not participating, then talk to your coworkers. Find out why they are being rude. Change their minds!
On the other hand, I bring in home made treats all the time - cakes, cupcakes, cookies, rice crispy treats, fudge, sweet rolls. Mostly because I have fun making them but can’t at my age eat a whole batch of anything in that list. I ask for no reciprocity or monetary contribution, and wouldn’t take any if offered. If people don’t eat them, I don’t get offended. But they always do! Gone by 10:00 is the norm. I make good stuff!
If it helps you salve your conscious; go with brownies. Easy and cheap to make, hard to screw up. Bake from a mix and barely any cost and they’ll go over great.
When I worked in an office that did the bring the donuts thing in I was always one of the major contributors, I never thought about what workers didn’t bring anything in, that wasn’t and shouldn’t be what’s it’s about.
IMHO, You should never feel like an asshole for not bringing something in if you can’t afford it. I’ve been there, and I understand not being able to afford even the trifling dozen donuts here and there. As others have stated, I usually don’t even partake (unless directly told to- “Hey, if you don’t eat some of these I might have to throw them away!”).