I just spent the last year of my life at a TERRIBLE college I was miserable at. Seriously, totally unhappy the entire time I was there (btw–I had legitimate reasons to hate the school. . . I only went because I got offered nice scholarships). I applied to transfer at some other colleges, and I didn’t get into the one I really really really wanted to go to, and I sent my stuff into another school, but now I’m starting to have second thoughts. I’m so afraid I’ll be miserable there, too, and I’m starting to get worried. Plus, I visited the campus and it didn’t blow my mind or anything. I mean, I didn’t feel totally connected with the enviroment, as I did with my first choice school. Is this natural? I am honestly thinking about dropping out or something for a year. I’m getting scared, and I don’t want to be really unhappy again.
ps–the college I’m going to is Macalester, in St Paul, Minnesota. If you’ve heard of it, tell me good things so I won’t feel as bad.
IMHO, it sounds like you don’t really want to go to school at all.
I went through a similar situation, failed out of school, spent five years in the real world, returned to school and finished my BA in two years with a 3.95. After five years, I was ready.
Many people’s Freshman year sucks ass, but then things improve. I absolutely hated my college my first year, in oh-so-many ways, but by the time I graduated I had made myself at home, gotten to know the people who were worth knowing and remained my longtime friends. I don’t own any socks in the school’s colors, but I feel connected to the place.
If things are really and truly lame beyond repair (isn’t MacAlistair some sort of rich preppy school? It’s quite respectible, though.) go on study abroad for a term, then change your major to a foreign language so that you have to go over for another year. I have friends I went to college with who only really spent 2 of 4 years physically at the college.
Really, that is the most obvious and simple way to go about it.
Have you found a liquor store in your town? Stats show that 90 percent of unhappy Freshman’s lives improve significantly when they find someone to finally buy beer for them, or they turn 21 (Spurious and Doubtful Studies, 1980/6, 24-5.)
I know people who like Minnesota (valuable input).
Don’t take a year off. Bad Things Happen to those that do. “A year off” doesn’t happen often. 5 or ten years does.
What was your first choice school?
I do wanna go to school, or at least learn stuff, but I’m just scared about being unhappy. I used to go to Warren Wilson College in NC, but I really hated it there. It’s not even a college, really. It’s more of a commune. Whole bunch of 18 year olds who think they’re hippies, then drop-out before their junior year. Really bad teachers, too. But I hated the community, and I never really fit in anywhere in high school either. I guess that’s my bigest worry. I have trouble making friends.
Macalester really isn’t a rich kid school. Good thing, 'cause I wouldn’t fit in there either. I don’t want to take a year off, because I’m sorta irresponsible and I wouldn’t do anything and I’d probably never go back to school. I guess my excuse is “I didn’t get into my first choice, and that was the only place I really wanted to go.” (It’s Amherst, in Amherst MA. I was wait-listed, and then they rejected me a week ago, but not for good; they had to keep adding that glimmer of hope, you know?)
Anyway, I was just miserable at Warren Wilson, and I’m so afraid about being unhappy again. That’s really the problem.
I’m sure you’ve given the decision to transfer a great deal of thought. I think you should go with your instincts, and find another school.
However, what I don’t see on this post, and what I hope you’ve thought about, is what you are really looking for in a college. You say that you didn’t get accepted to Amherst, and that’s your first choice. What was so appealing to you? Why did you want to go there? Answer these questions–at least to yourself–and maybe you can find a school that offers many of the things that appeal to you, if not ALL of them. (Also, I know it may seem like forever, but can’t you reapply to Amherst in a year?)
One thing I would NOT do is take a year off. Not that this is always wrong, but again, trust your instincts: you yourself fear that you might lose your motivation to go back to school later.
You mention you have trouble making friends, and I completely sympathize with this. Different people react in different ways, but possibly you’d be happy at a bigger school where you could be more anonymous and have an opportunity to meet a greater cross section of people (ie, more choice re potential friends). I don’t know, only you can answer this.
I’m really very sorry to read about your unhappiness. College wasn’t paradise for me, but I do think it was the happiest time in my life, and I’m sorry it’s over. I really feel for you that you aren’t, so far at least, enjoying it much.
If it makes you feel better to talk more about it, post a reply to this thread, or e-mail me (see my profile)–I was a psych major in college, and at least one thing I took away from that is that I’m a good listener/reader.
I was at the campus once for a political fundraiser. Seemed very nice, and a lot of schools don’t. I went to the U of Minn Business school campus for a couple of terms and it was the pits, vacant as hell, not like the main quad area at all.
You may be being sensitive to this issue, but with good reason. College is the good time of life. Little work and a lot of opportunity. You need to be somewhere where you feel happy/connected/taken care of.
Figure out what qualities you like and find them in other schools. (Sometimes that is difficult. “I want to feel at home on campus” means you have to go there to find out, which can be a difficult matter. It is worth it.)
Talk to the administration about programs they have in place for helping students find a spot at the school. Clubs, activities, sports, whatever you are interested in.
My sucess came with a big school that had a dedictated administration. Twelve students with a similar interest could get a club about that interest funded by the university. Any interest. (Literally. I have a group of friends that tests it. We got funding for the Dihydrogen Oxide Awareness Group.) With a lot of students there are bound to be twelve that share some sort of interest with you. Or will sign up for it. Or have probably already created a group. If you aren’t into clubs (I’m not) a big population with a good admin. can allow you to find other oddballs (Statistically, they are out there. If I can find them you can) without getting lost among thousands of students while you try.
The school has to work at it though. And the school has to work for you. It can take some finding. (I applied to over 20 schools, and visited more. All over the country and overseas. Spring Break was a tour of colleges and interviews with administrators. Eww.) It is worth the work. You are worth the effort.
Dropping out for one year isn’t going to happen. If you go that route expect to get a five year dose of reality before heading back.
Now where in the hell was this valuable input when *I * was trying to stick it out in college? Jeezus, fourteen years a little late and the answer is: liquor stores. ::grumble:::
[rant]
FTR, there was no money for me to go to college when college seemed to be important. So I was big-time jealous of all my friends who went away to college. One of my friends was so homesick ( she went to college a whopping two hours from her house.) she cried herself to sleep every night. She made herself miserable. What I wouldn’t have given to be in her shoes. She is now an accountant. If you are miserable, you too could become an accountant. Do you want that to happen to you?! No one dreams of being an accountant when they are little. There are no “accountant” halloween costumes for kids.
[/rant]
On one hand, you have a right to be worried whether or not you will fit in or get into the zen of the campus. You’ve been disappointed before and this is a big step for you.
Also, you are living with the crushing reality that you maybe on a waiting list at Amherst. Bastards, they are,keeping a nice gal like you on tenterhooks. They should at least offer you a chair, those tenterhooks are hell on the clothes.
On the other hand, it could be all in your head of you not fitting in. Maybe all college campuses/campi’s/campusses are brimming with hippie dead beats. You need to look no further than Harvard as proof of this, fercryinoutloud, the no good necks. [Yeah, this is useful.]
You also could be putting all your eggs into one basket with placing all your hopes and dreams of college zen at Amherst. Kinda like Ralphie and the Red Ryder BB Gun. Finally got it, and nearly shot his eye out.{Ok, this does have some real depth to it and -as a bonus-it’s too the point.]
They always say, “It’s harder to go back to college when you are older”. This is very true. It’s not about the money and it’s not about finding time. Time and money are always big issues in life, and you will never have enough of either. Of all the crap I spew, that one you can take to the bank. Really. It’s about realizing that most of the crap they teach you in college has little relevance to the day to day reality called : OHMYGOD,ADULTHOODISNOTWHATITHOUGHTITWOULDBE.
And no one really needs algebra in life. Not anyone you’d sleep with.
Of course, that is just my opinion and according to all family members and friends, is always wrong.
It boils down to a bunch of adages rambling through my mind like a herd of buffalos on crack right now:
1.It’s all mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
2. No matter where you go, there you are.
3. If you aren’t happy with yourself, how can any one be happy with you.
4.Attitude is everything.
5.Bullshit is everything.
6.Charm may get you in the door, but after a few minutes you better know something.
Go to school. Study study study. No one says you have to have zen with the campus. It’s not like you are going to win the Most School Spirit Award. Unless, naturally, you see dead people. There is no contract stating you have to buy one of the schools officially liscense toilet seat covers.
Thank you for wading through this heap of nonsense.
I’m with andros. I took some time off, worked in the real world for awhile, went back to college with my own goals instead of the ones that were manufactured for me by others and graduated college with a 3.5+ grade point.
Being unhappy isn’t all that bad. I’ve been in… well let’s just say I’ve been in a certain position, for 3 and a half years now, completely and totally unhappy. I won’t tell you what that position is, lest I upset a few people, but let’s just say I’ve been here for 3 and half years, and I have 6 months left. But anyway, that’s not the point. After being thoroughly unhappy for maybe 2 years, you just may find yourself getting used to it. I have accomplished nothing in the past 3 years, I haven’t acquired any skills, I suck at my job, and I don’t like it, even though it’s all I wanted to do all through high school. I’ve lost my girlfriend, I’m a thousand miles (literally) away from my family and friends. I don’t go out. My life has turned out to be a complete and utter waste of time. Yet… it’s all ok. It’s really not that bad, being unhappy.
I say- stick with it. Get your education, get out into the real world… THEN worry about being happy. You’ve got the rest of your life to try and find a little bit of joy.
I don’t know about the first year being necessarily unpleasant…(just to remark on an earlier comment) I enjoyed my freshman year a whole lot.
(Of course, I lived on the “drinking floor”…)
I’ve met people who went to Macalester, and never heard bad things about it, so I definitly think you should give it a try. If you get the right college for you, it will be the best years of your life.
For my part, I don’t think that taking time off and returning to college later is a bad idea, per se. It’s just that ThisYear’sGirl herself said:
She seems pretty honest with herself and straightforward. It sounds to me like she should trust her instincts. If she could trust herself not to drop out, then maybe some time off is exactly what she needs.
ThisYear’sGirl, I do hope you’ll keep us posted. And make the right decision.
