Okay, here it goes. This is my first original post. I just wanted too see if anyone thinks I was being too sensitive about my son.
This is my son’s third year to play baseball and we have never had this problem before now. At Tuesday’s practice, I noticed that the assistant coach was constantly fussing at him. I asked him about this after practice because he seemed to be upset. He told me that he did not want to play anymore because of that coach. This is a 6 year old boy that eats, breathes and sleeps baseball! Anyway, I decided to watch at the next practice to see if he was doing this or if I was being overly sensitive.
Well, Friday rolls around and we go to practice. I started to notice that almost every time the balls was hit, my son was getting fussed at for one thing or another. Then this coach grabbed my son by his arm and held him really close to his face and was saying something to him. All the time, my son was trying to get away from him.
I just lost my cool at this point and told that coach to get his hands off my son. I told the head coach that my son would not play if that was how he would be treated. We got into the car and went home.
On the way home, I asked my son what the coach said and he told me that he was just fussing at him. Then he told me that he did not want to play anymore.
My question is, was I being overly sensitive? Is it too much to ask that other people keep their hands off my son? Is this standard practice in kids baseball?
NO! That jerk who is abusing your son should be advised on how to properly work with young people!
The saddest part is that no matter what you do, he will probably always have it “in” for your son. Does he mistreat other kids? If so, get with the other parents & complain as a group! My son had a similar experience & chose not to stay. It was hard for him, but,he got over it! Best of luck!
No, you are most definitely not being too sensitive.
It would be one thing if your son were saying, “But Moooommmm, it’s not that big a deal…”- then one could wonder whether you were showing perhaps too much zeal. But given that your son feel intimidated and bothered by this @#$!#@, I think you’re perfectly in the right.
Of course, take this advice with the grain of salt that I have no children, nor have I attempted to raise children, and most of my knowledge of ‘good parenting’ comes from my experience of being raised by ‘bad’ parents. Advice void in some states. Your mileage may vary.
Doesn’t sound as though you are being too sensitive, Just_A_Girl, but it does sound as though the coach has a problem. My guess is, you’ve got a choice: you can talk to your son and explain that sometimes grown-ups have problems and their misery comes out to effect others, but that it has nothing to do with your son. Your son can then choose to stay or leave.
Another option is to make an appointment to sit down with the coach privately, and setting ALL YOUR ANGER aside, asking him point-blank whether or not there is a problem. Tell him your son is unhappy, and that you are unhappy, and ask what can be done to correct the situation. As long as he does not feel attacked or blamed, the coach may well open up and admit to his own problem. Either way, it’s your son’s choice whether or not to continue on this team.
My son is now 20. He has played sports since he was 8. He played soccer and baseball. One of the best pitchers in the county we live in. He had coaches that acted the same way as the guy that you are talking about. You are not being overly sensitive. But this is gonna happen along the way. Not only with this guy but with other coaches as well. My son had a tough time dealing with it because he is very tender-hearted and gets his feelings hurt easily. We had some rough seasons. But he learned that not everyone is easy to deal with and not everyone is gonna appreciate him. Have a talk with the coach, with your son present. It sounds like this guy is trying way too hard.
** Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me ** Original by Wally
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
You know how it is? They coach cause they couldnt be sucessful ball players themselves so they pick on kids that remind them most of themselves. sometimes…
It sounds like you are not over reacting. This coach sounds like he should not be working with children this young, if he should be with kids at all. Aside from talking to him, you might also consider speaking with the league organizers. This way if any other complaints come they will already have some informatiuon on him. Or, they might already have some information on file and another complaint might spur some action.
Anyway, remind your son that it is just a game and any coach that cannot remember that is not a very good coach. Good Luck,
John
Then he got up on top
With a tip of his hat.
“I call this game FUN-IN- A-BOX”
Said the cat.
Here are a couple of things I learned in 10+ years as a player and 10+ years as a coach:
-It is an extremely poor coach who uses physical intimidation to get results. Some yelling is part of the game. The coach has to be heard clearly, often over alot of background noise. I tell my players to notice that kudos are delivered at the same volume as corrections. Physical contact such as you described is NEVER permissible.
-In recreational baseball, rule #1 is that everybody has fun. Teaching baseball is secondary. There are some kids (especially at 6) who are content to stand in the outfield and watch butterflies, while others have the desire and capability to learn the intricacies of the game. A good coach knows how to make the season enjoyable for both types.
Here are some suggestions for actions to take before pulling your son from the league:
Talk to the head coach. It could be that he disagrees with the ass’t coach’s philosophy, but if no one complains he may think it “standard practice” as well (especially if he is new to coaching). Talk to him in private, away from the other coaches and players. Give him a chance to make it right.
If the head coach takes no action, go to the league commissioner. Describe, in detail, the actions of the ass’t. coach and your conversation with the head coach. Ask that your son be put on another team. Most leagues will comply, if it is the children’s interest that is being served. If not, you need to look for a new league right now.
If all else fails, and your son does not want to play under those conditions, pull him from the league. If your son loves baseball I would suggest you put him in private lessons for the remainder of the season. A season “lost” at his age will put him substantially behind his peers in terms of knowlege and ability. It generally takes 2 years to “catch up” from one missed season.
All this, of course, assumes that your side of the story is gospel. Otherwise I would have to throw in the part about some kids that age wanting to give up at the slightest inconvenience and the need to learn that commitment to the team is very important in and of itself. But we won’t go there…
Although I have no kids, it seems to me that if I saw an adult (any adult) handle my son that way, he would be coaching his next practice from a wheelchair.
You’re definitely not overreacting.
Mere life is not victory.
Mere death is not defeat.
Way to go mom!!!
This guy sounds like a bad coach and an awful teacher.(if I just yell at 'em more, then they’ll play better!) Glad to hear how you stuck up for the boy.
Being a ditto head here! I’m a mom too, and I would’ve been on that field grabbing the coach by the head!! Okay, maybe THAT would have been over reacting!!
We are our kids mirrors as to what to accept and tell what is and is not appropriate behavior. If you accepted this coach’s behavior, you are in effect, telling your son, ‘hey, this IS the proper way to behave when you’re frustrated with someone’. ** It isn’t. **
More than baseball, your son is hearing the correct message dealing with life, you don’t do that!
I’d go to the head coach, but your son may not be comfortable dealing with the assistant coach any where around him. But, trying to work it out, is also showing your son, * that is how we are supposed to behave. *
good luck,
Judy
“Um, according to who? Nothing more than a high brow troll, though occasionally the bi polar personality swung in a constructive direction on innocuous topics.” Omniscient
Rule #1: Nobody lays hands on my son. Violate that rule at your own risk.
I don’t have a problem with a coach being a hardass, but the coach has to have enough maturity to be able to differentiate between motivation and intimidation.
Me…I’d mention to the coach that I don’t appreciate the physical confrontation, and that it shouldn’t happen again.
PS- If your son gets into basketball, then I’d advise against sending him to Indiana U.
This is getting hard. Somebody relieve me. (A Wallian exclamation)
I want to thank all of you for the feedback. It is good to see that so many people share my view on this.
I talked to the head coach on the phone today and he apologized for the ass’t coach. He said that was totally unacceptable and he had no right to touch my son in that way. I told him that I have no problem with a coach correcting my son when he does something wrong, but I will not tolerate anyone harrassing him constantly or grabbing him like that. He seems to understand my position.
Anyway, I have an appointment with the head coach, the ass’t coach and the president of the league tomorrow. I hope to resolve this then. I will let you know how it goes.
