What others have said. It IS going to be you in the eyes of the law.
Oh poor you. You’re such a victim. Take charge of your own life and stop wondering why your husband is a creep.
Did you two ever trust each other? Did you ever think this marriage was going to work?
Victim alert again. Go to your classes and let this thing play out the way it’s going to.
Please tell us you’ve consulted an attorney and you’re not all about being the drama queen. And don’t say you can’t afford a lawyer.
Yes you do know what to do. You have a brain and you’ve been told about 20 times so far in this thread alone. For some reason you’re getting a lot of mileage out of not taking care of yourself.
Worth saying again - in or out? If you are in, these are your debts. If you are out, get out as soon as possible.
You can decide you are in for now and change your mind later - but the longer you are in, the more of “his debt” you’ll take on. And in for now means taking his history - including his financial history.
Like others have said, you need to consult a good family law practitioner to see what your rights and liabilities are here.
You also need to decide whether you are going to get divorced or whether you are going to stay married.
I think that every couple before they get married should sit down and have a frank discussion on finances and how they are going to be prior to getting married.
That being said, he is an adult so getting his parents involved isn’t going to do squat.
I agree with this, and I’d also add that getting the parents involved shouldn’t do squat. I can’t even imagine my husband going to my mom to complain about my financial mismanagement. I can’t imagine her telling him anything except “You and your wife need to work this out together” if he did the unimaginable and went to her.
I don’t have any advice, Indy, but I’d be hella pissed, too. Your husband didn’t disclose this to you like he should have a long time ago and so you have every reason to complain about it. It seems like people are acting like just because you’re married to this guy, it’s somehow wrong for you to feel unfairly put upon. Whatever, man. Your feelings are valid.
My ex BF had financial baggage and it took a lot for me to accept it, and our finances weren’t even conjoined. We broke up eventually for a different reason, but I ain’t gonna lie: I was relieved that I didn’t have to worry about dealing with his debt, in the present or future. So I know how you must feel.
Here’s to hoping you and your husband can work this out without resorting to the nuclear option.
How would this be any different than if he had $X sitting in a savings account that he never told her about? When they went to get divorced, wouldn’t that money be included in the total split between them? Why should she be able to divorce out of this debt? If there’s no prenuptial agreement, I thought mine is yours, yours is mine - assets and debts included.
(Not trying to derail this, but this answer may change my opinion.)
That sucks for you though Indy. I would definitely keep the parents out of this. Good luck!
I’d be furious if my husband had some looming IRS debt that he didn’t tell me about.
My husband is, there’s no denying it, a financial nitwit. I love him. He is stupid with money.
The good thing is that he knows he’s stupid with money.
The bad thing is that apparently knowing it and fixing it are two different things.
You both need to consult an attorney, together (unless you are set on divorce). There can’t be any ducking or dodging with this. It’s got to be done, and it affects you as much as him so he can’t claim it’s not your business.
And together you can recover. And, honestly, it sounds like he needs to come to my husband’s realization of financial nitwittery and make some changes. People can be good at some things and bad at others and finances are just another of those things.
Depends on the state, length of the marriage, how seperate assets (and debts) were kept, what support was given to whom, etc., which is why people are saying “consult an attorney.” In many states in a short term marriage (and, as I recall, Indy hasn’t been married long), you can still identify premarital assets and debts - therefore the split is made accordingly. In other states, that may be much less the case that they care.
I’m going to confirm that how you set up your finances makes a huge difference - when my husband set up a small business we consulted an accountant and a lawyer and wound up with separate accounts so that if the business failed my assets and my credit rating would be protected. After the business was dissolved we merged all accounts, but we still trade off making major purchases (one vehicle in my name, one in his, for example) so we both maintain a good credit rating.
Indygirl - you really do need to consult a lawyer and/or accountant and get this straightened out.
No problem, just don’t marry someone wealthy intending on divorcing them in six months and getting half. It won’t work that way - even without a pre-nup.