And how much is none of their business?
Take the following (purely hypothetical, of course) example:
Let’s say that several years into a 6 year plus relationship (we are both in our early to mid 30s), it comes up that my girlfriend has a fair amount of debt. Up to that point, I had not payed any attention to her finances. I assumed she was doing pretty well, as I knew that she had worked many more years than me (I’ve taken fairly substantial portions of time in between jobs for traveling and other projects) and her jobs had always payed double or even triple what I had been paid. Plus, she seemed to think little of spending money. So, I was a bit surprised to find out she was in the red. But I wasn’t worried – whatever financial troubles she had gotten into would doubtless soon end as her salary had recently been raised to six figures.
Except, whenever it came up (such as in discussions of future plans), the debt was still there. At this point, I’m puzzled, and starting to become a little worried.
Then – another raise. She is absolutely confident her debt will be vanquished within a year. Yet one year later, a conversation reveals that it has changed little.
This sort of thing goes on, with me becoming increasingly concerned. Now that I am paying attention, I notice other worrisome signs. I constantly wonder: we have plans of moving to areas where she certainly won’t be able to make as much money as she is now – how will she be able to live on less money? And how did she even end up in this situation to begin with?
The problem is, she is very reluctant to talk about it. A recent conversation about my concerns resulted in her admitting that she had spent money stupidly in the past. This was no surprise (people do plenty of foolish things in their youth); what was surprising was that she admitted this with the appearance of someone confessing that they had been molested or had committed some horrible crime in the past.
Clearly she is incredibly uncomfortable discussing this. Yet, I feel this is an issue that has the potential to seriously impact our relationship. Ignoring it seems crazy.
So, what I am asking is:
How much information on a topic like this is it reasonable to expect that a partner would share? At what point does one cross the line?