The ether–it was a Fer and Loathing in Las Vegas ref.
Hunter S. Thompson.
I wonder how much the “date” is charging **tdn **for this weekend encounter.
Ah, thanks. (Never saw the movie.)
You are wrong in insisting that sex isn’t a given. It is. (I’m expecting a certain level of maturity at this point, since we all agree that NOTHING AT ALL is a given, even tdn’s, or the girl’s or even our own lives) Whether or not one reneges is another matter. I think you have a strange definition of what a gentleman is. You want to ramrod it into your definition. You insist that he assures that she feel no pressure and total comfort. At tdn’s expense!
The situation that we have is that the woman knows that she is going to a bed and breakfast place. If she doesn’t know what those places are for, she is on the wrong internet. She is driving to meet a total stranger to spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast. In her own car, so your allegory about the drive out to the woods is totally out of line. There is no more pressure on her than on tdn. He has no obligation, either morally or ethically or legally to provide her a room, any more than she has to reimburse him or provide for him a bus ticket.
Why on earth does everybody want tdn to pay for a second room??? Let her pay for her room, if she doesn’t want to sleep with him. It seems as if she is no less capable than him of providing for same.
Everybody acts as if tdn is doing her some sort of dirt if he doesn’t cough up for a room. Haven’t any of you heard of the 70s? 80s? etc…?
She knows what she’s in for, she isn’t a 12 year old. And even if she were 12, she would know what’s up. And you all are acting like** tdn** is some stalker/rapist/roofie slipping punk because he doesn’t want to pay for some second room when it is intimated that he won’t need one. And, you are expecting him to pony up cash at a B&B just to prove to you that he’s not a jerk.
I’m as Victorian as the next guy, even more so, but, sheesh! The girl isn’t going to be a ruined woman if tdn doesn’t buy her a room and she has to drive back alone. She’ll have to do that anyway!
These are two adults here. Both of them. Hard to believe, but a 30 year old woman is considered mature in these times. Many have even had male suitors by that age. Often times, more than one.
At any rate, she’s going to cancel with some lame excuse, so it’s totally academic!
Best wishes,
hh
No it isn’t, unless you’re saying that she doesn’t have a right to change her mind.
Jesus, I never even assume that planned sex with my wife is a given. Stuff happens. Why would anyone assume that nothing could go wrong with a complete and utter stranger?
Please read **handsomeharry’**s sentence that included “Whether or not one reneges is another matter.” and sentence preceding. And those following.
And stop trying to put words into my mouth that you fully know I do not mean.
Best wishes,
hh
Your use of the word “reneges” implies that there is some sort of obligation being broken, and I don’t see how you can say that sex is ever a “given” if you also agree that either person can change their mind at any moment. To say it’s a “given” is to say it’s a certainty, but it’s never a certainty, and it’s especially not a certainy when it involves total strangers who have never met each other before. There is a very real possibility that a meetup like this is not going to work out. It’s only courteous to arrange for a comfortable out if that happens.
Not a certainty. Please read **handsomeharry’**s sentence that reads “Whether or not someone reneges is another matter.”
Also, you seem to be obsessing on some fantasy that I certified that neither can change their minds! Please get off of that right now. Reneges means go back, and there is no definition in the English speaking world that I am aware of that implies any amount of coercion or mind control. Least of all, the overbearing pressure on the female that you advert to, in this scenario. but, I will put your mind at ease right now. “I, handsomeharry, affirm that both have the right to change their minds, now and forever, and I *insist *that each change their mind when they jolly well want to, and for whatever reason they choose!”
Renege does mean obligation, though. Not one that means that to leave it unfulfilled requires corporal sanctions; or even a light chiding. It may mean that one is obligated to give an apology, no matter how transparently insincere said apology may be, if somebody, say, doesn’t show up for a date. It may be less of an obligation than the ones you impose with your own code of courtesy.
Now, the word given doesn’t mean a sworn, sealed, done deal. It means that one gives a signal, gives an implication, etc… " I was given to understand…" is a very real phrase.
Nobody on this thread swears that they are going to go at it like superbunnies, least of all me. All of earth understands that not all things that are planned happen as such.
Courtesy demands he be polite, nothing more. Least of all, going to some expense to have the girl put up at a B&B.
And, IIRC, I am on record as saying that the girl will be in Kankakook rather at the place designated, so my* bona fides* for understanding that things will not work out, and that the woman and OP may change their minds, should be unquestioned.
Best wishes,
hh
You’re misunderstanding me. I’m not suggesting that you think she’s obligated (though maybe you could choose a better word than “renege”), but that you can’t say sex is a “given” as long as you acknowledge that soemone might change their mind.
ETA I agree that this is largely a theoretical discussion and the planned assignation will probably never come to pass.
I believe that the word ‘renege’ includes the option of a change of mind.
Best wishes,
hh
I personally find it pathetic that people hold obvious grudges against people they only know on a message board, to the point that they have to threadshit about it if something might happen contrary to their expectations And I’m the one often told I take the message board too seriously.
And, before anyone thinks I’m being a jerk by saying this: It’s just a turn of the phrase. I just don’t like this post for the reasons stated. It wouldn’t matter who made that post, and I’m not even going to remember who it was by the time I press Submit.
Then how can it be a “given” Maybe we’re just using different definitions of “given.” To me, it means a guarantee, and as long as there’s no guarantee, it would be more comfortable for both parties to arrange for a painless out just in case.
this sums up my feelings on the matter, pretty much. i told him in this very thread he came off as creepy, and for what specific reason. other doper women have done the same, in this thread and others, and he just blows right past it or says something along the lines of “you just don’t get it”.
it also seems like these intense relationships for him always begin (and usually end) on the internet, as there’s a few past posts that reference getting on planes or buses or whatever to see these women in person. there’s nothing wrong with finding a relationship online, i know plenty of people who have had success with match.com or what have you, but when it’s the only way you connect with people, that’s a little telling to me. i don’t know if i’m expressing myself well here but hopefully someone will get what i mean.
So what happened tdn? I’m curious to know.
Did her mother knit a cockring for the event? Or was it called off?
In this thread, he listened to several points of advice and made changes to his plans accordingly.
If my family tried to interfere with my possibly romantic plans at the age of THIRTY NINE they would get a very nasty talking to.
I would like to think that they would trust me to do what I felt was appropriate in any given situation, and we may have already held several hours of discussion about sex, relationships and what we are expecting to come of the meeting. My sexuality is nobodys business by my own.
For fucks sake, they may have been mutually fapping at each other on the webcam and meeting in person to do it for real is a natural next step, and the OP is embarrassed to admit it.
Ahhhh, romance. . .
Ever lived in a small town in a rather remote area?
Once you have gone through the local candidates 6 hours might be the best you are going to do. Also with small town America you stand quite the chance of being related to much of the local gene pool that is of the right age range.
Exactly. I think that a 30something woman can make up her own mind, and can bail out [SHE is the one with the car, remember? HE is the one stuck there because of taking a bus.]
>snicker<
You need to, without delay.