Especially because in this case, it seems like sex is already agreed upon. If I go on a date with someone I barely know and end up not being attracted to them for one reason or another, I can peace out with any further issues. If I do like them, sure, we can go find some place to get to know each other better.
Meeting at a hotel with one bed and a jacuzzi doesn’t really leave much for an escape plan. Not that I’m suggesting tdn is going to force her to do anything AT ALL (that’s not at all what I’m suggesting, so I hope it doesn’t come across like that), I’m just thinking this through as a single woman and how I would react in her situation.
Just because your story turned out ok doesn’t mean that is therefore no danger at all in anyone else meeting random internet strangers alone in out of town hotl rooms.
I remember reading an account of a guy meeting a girl in a similar situation to the OP. Even though they’d talked, when they actually met it was awkward. I think the guy said he tried to kiss her in the hotel pool and she sort of pulled away but they were sharing a hotel room so they had to spend the night together. Not having sex but sleeping in the same room. It sounded a horrible blind date that you couldn’t get away from.
He should have booked two rooms regardless. One romantic, jacuzzi room is fine, if the evening goes there, but she should still be given the option of her own room (with her own key) if things don’t work out. Assuming it’s going to be a wildly successful night of erotic abandon is awfuly presumptuous.
Actually she should get the room with the jacuzzi, and then be given the option of “inviting him in” if things are going well. A room for a plan B should be established regardless.
Right. It’s been said a million times before (half of which were by me) that it can be difficult to determine what someone is really like via online dating. Hell, we have terms like FGA (Fat Girl Angle) that specifically reference the way people mischaracterize themselves online. People’s photos often conspicuously obfuscate the person’s worst features, and highlight their best. I haven’t met someone from the internet for a date in a long time, but when I did, each time the person was significantly less attractive physically, and more awkward socially in person. So you find this person who you think looks cute, is in your area, seems nice enough, then you meet him and he’s a total bore and barely resembles the guy you thought you were meeting. I once --no shit-- walked right past the person I was supposed to be meeting. He recognized me. I’m not accusing tdn of misrepresenting himself, but it’s also possible that the chemistry just won’t be there when they meet in person. It happens.
Oh man, I almost forgot about that little jewel.
Seriously now, tbn, I hope it doesn’t seem like we’re picking on you here, but can you honestly not understand where the concern is coming from? It’s a bit unfair to characterize her family as a bunch of sheltered bumpkins who are terrified of this arrangement because you come from the dangerous, scary city.
Seriously. I’d hope my own friends and family would try to talk some sense into me if I mentioned a plan as potentially dangerous as that. Regardless of how well you think you know each other and how well you think you connect, each person needs to have an escape route. That’s pretty much the cardinal rule of first dates. I don’t care how much you two have talked, this is a first date. Your current plan is dripping skeeviness.
Diogenes: I didn’t post my story as a way of saying that all meetings will work out perfectly. I posted my story because it was a funny example of people going overboard with worry. I wasn’t used to people actually caring about my well-being so it never occurred to me to check in with anyone (especially not my alcoholic roommate). But if she was so worried, why didn’t she just call me?
Since my story didn’t involve 6 hour bus rides to a B&B (or sex), the only thing really connecting my story to tdn’s is the way we first met and the worried people. It was just an anecdote.
I do agree that it would have been better to get 2 rooms. But, the two of them have apparently discussed this and they seem to be in agreement that sex will be happening, along with some freaky thing involving Pokemon cards. If she has agreed to that, then it would seem that she is aware of what awaits her at the B&B. If she changes her mind when she gets there, she can get in her car and leave. I made that bigger and bold for those of you who think she’s going to be trapped there for the entire weekend. tdn is the one who will be trapped, as he’s the one who has to find a bus to get him home. As long as tdn is in agreement that she has the right to change her mind, then I don’t care what they do.
I don’t think we can assume that they don’t know for certain what the other looks like. There’s this wonderful new invention called a webcam. It’s entirely possible that they have had face to face conversations and he just didn’t mention that. We don’t know the exact nature of their communications.
With that being said, I completely agree that her family has a right to be concerned for her safety. I like to think that tdn understands their concern as well. Any reasonable adult should be able to grasp why a family would worry about one of their own going out to meet a complete stranger, so far from home.
What, you’re not bringing your D&D set and some Slayer tapes? Pffft you barely qualify as crazy. I don’t even know why we keep you around. How old is this woman where her family thinks it’s OK to get all up in her shit?
Your story reminds me of my brother, who upon meeting his potential in-laws was deemed a Tool of Satan(a moniker we still refer to him as from time to time). It’s been a few years, I don’t know if they accept him or not yet.
Me? I’m not bringing anything. Now, if tdn wants to bring handcuffs, that’s up to him but it might be hard to use the Pokemon cards while wearing handcuffs.
Maybe you could email her some links to your posting history from here to share with her family. There is no way that that could do anything but reassure them.
You know, that reminds me of a situation I was in once that was a little like the OP’s, in the sense that I was meeting a girl in RL for the first time that I had met over the Internet. I had known her (online) for a lot longer than 2 weeks (more like 2 years - we played WoW together), however she was traveling a longer distance to see me and planned to stay in my apartment with me. She was well of age legally but still lived with her dad and stepmom (she was 20 and I was 23 at the time) and naturally they were a bit concerned.
So what I did was I let her give them my contact info and I spent about an hour talking to both of her parents over the phone. They seemed to like me and clearly felt a lot better about the whole thing after that conversation. Of course, the mom still had to make a vague threat in that joking-but-not-really-tone, casually mentioning how she “knew people in law enforcement out here”, but I couldn’t blame her. The visit itself went just great (although she ended up deciding she liked some other guy more and went to live with him later, but I had moved on at that point anyway and I’m digressing :p).
And we’re going to be fine. I know what she looks like, she knows what I look like, we’ve talked plenty of times – and if things don’t work out, we’re both free to leave.
When my dad found out I was meeting men I met online he was concerned. I countered by saying that “normal” people meet people in bars all the time and go home with them that night. I’d chatted with each of my prospects for several cumulative hours, and talked on the phone with them, googled them, etc. I actually knew more about my dates than “normal” people. He agreed, and just warned me to be careful, which I was.
It will be best, tdn, if you meet her in a restaurant first, and then decide where to go from there. That way she can tell her family that she is meeting you in a public place. That also gives you and her both a choice to duck out of the arrangement if things end up really weird in person. Even if you’re positive the date will lead to the hotel, it’s chivalrous to at least pretend that it’s not a sure thing.
ETA: And I’m sure you will, but for cod’s sake bring (and use!) condoms.
