tdn, I don’t know how to break this to you but your OP sounds more than a little creepy to me as well. Don’t get me wrong, people hook up all the time and have one night stands but they aren’t usually premeditated at that level of detail and talked about on public forums beforehand with her family members finding out. Try to put yourself in her parent’s shoes. There are real news stories about this sort of thing going horribly wrong and they don’t know you so why wouldn’t they have a right to be suspicious. If it were one of my daughters at any age, there is no way they would be going to something like that if I knew about beforehand.
If you are actually interested in a person as a whole, you don’t describe the primary first date activities as “a King size bed, double hot tub, and a fireplace”. A more normal description would be a hike or a nice restaurant to get to know one another in person. I am not saying that you are going to do anything that isn’t of mutual consent but you really should plan the “get to know you” part in a little more detail before before you focus on room amenities. If you counter saying that you have that planned too, I really wonder why you didn’t choose to share that instead of the room decor.
If you just want someone for a quick romp (neither one of you has fast or reliable transportation after all), there are ways that are a hell of a lot easier than a 6 hour bus ride and probably cheaper too.
A bus, huh? To me, that would say “I don’t own a car, I don’t have any friends or family willing to loan me a car, and I’m too poor and/or my credit is so bad that I can’t rent a car.”
Or, as he already stated, he lives in a big city and doesn’t need a car and very likely the friends and family who live close enough to lend one, also don’t have one. Hell, if he uses public transportation enough, he might not even have a license.
Even if he does have a license, taking a bus is very frequently less expensive than renting a car. When I lived in upstate NY and wanted to visit my home in central MA (after my accident I didn’t get another car for almost a year), I’d usually take a bus instead of renting a car - it was about $200 less and I didn’t have to pay for gas. Oh, and I could catch up on my reading on the bus.
I also think it’s a good idea. Reserve a table at one.
But as nice as a B&B with a king size bed, a hot tub, and a fireplace is; I’d also suggest scoping out local attractions. It may calm her family to know that during your weekend, the two of you are planning an afternoon at a local botanical garden or zoo, an evening at a show or concert, or a day at an art gallery. Or other similar activities–you get the idea, I’m sure. The idea is that no matter how much you have talked on the phone or webcam, you likely still have a lot to learn about each other; and these are the kinds of things that will allow you to. Besides, they’re also the kinds of activities that her family would likely find little to no offense in: it is not “A weekend at a B&B”; rather, it becomes, “A weekend of the symphony and the art gallery and a nice dinner, and we’re staying at XYZ B&B during it.”
I think my post came across differently than intended. Assuming everyone was as forthcoming about themselves as humanly possible, sometimes the connection is just different in person. Nothing anyone did wrong, just not the same. Sure, there are the bullshitters, but what I was driving (unsuccessfully?) at with that post was there are a million reasons, devious or otherwise, that a connection present online might not be there when two people are actually sitting next to each other face to face.
It would just seem shitty if folks went out there and weren’t too happy about it. But I guess no one’s stuck, as they can always just get back on the bus for another six hour ride in the opposite direction.
And then my other point in other posts was there is legitimate concern about the situation, in case anyone is keeping track and cares.
I had a date who proposed doing this sort of thing. She said she loved to drive, and actually agreed to meet me in my home town, as long as I planned the date. I later backed out of the whole thing, so I don’t know how it would have went. (There’s really not enough stuff to do in my hometown to justify a 6 hour trip. Heck, the only reason she got an email was because I didn’t notice she lived so far away.)
It’s not a good idea, actually. It’s an excellent one. For drinks, not dinner, as we’ll be arriving mid-afternoon. I want to take her to dinner at dinner time. As it’s a podunk town and won’t be at dinner time, I don’t think we’ll need a reservation.
Another reason that it’s a great idea is that she can tell her parents that we’re starting out at a public place, and that it was my idea (even if it wasn’t). That should make me more trustable, to all parties. It’ll put me more at ease as well.
And Spoons, I like your idea too. The plan was to keep each other in bed all weekend. But I know that’s not realistic. I definitely should make some plans to see whatever there is in the town. Those kinds of towns usually have great antique stores and stuff. And there’s an awesome looking lake there. Probably no boating at this time of year, though.
She thought it was a great idea, so thanks, Kalypso.
And good news – her mother is now totally cool with the idea. I guess she just had a little mom-style sticker shock. She said that if her daughter feels trust, then she should do what makes her happy. That’s excellent news.
MOL, I totally got what you meant and took no offense. Yes, I realize that’s a possibility. I’ve had it happen before. The good news is that since we’re meeting in the afternoon, that will give her time to drive back home. And I’ll end up having a meditative weekend in the country. Always a welcome thing!
This pretty much says it all; you’ve talked and you know what each other look like, but you haven’t MET yet, and that can change everything. I also agree that making plans to do things other than spend the whole weekend in one B&B room would help put her family’s mind at ease, too.
Better yet, email the links to some of the posters in this thread.
Seriously, I don’t know which is more pathetic: the fact that tdn actually thinks he is going to sleep with this woman, or the fact that so many people in this thread are actively encouraging him.
Thank you. I do have a liscense, but owning a car in this city doesn’t make much sense. Traffic is terrible, parking is impossible (or expensive), insurance rates are horrible, and there’s crime. Taking public transportation is cheap and easy. And I would never borrow someone’s car. Even though I’m a decent driver, I don’t want the responsibility of handling someone else’s $30000 piece of investment.
Quality women get this. City people get this.
And I’d have to take an airplane to borrow a car from a family member. And I don’t know of any friend who’d let me borrow their car for a weekend date. I wouldn’t even think of asking.
If I wanted to kill my mother I’d tell her I was planning to spend the weekend in bed in a B&B with someone from the internet I’d never actually met in person–and I’m 39.
Actually, if someone wanted to kill me…
You know, it’s at times like these I realize I have a lot in common with my mom.
do you know why you come off as creepy, tdn? you’re more concerned with creating the illusion of being trustworthy than in actually being a trustworthy person. this girl’s family is every right to be concerned.
i pretty much agree 100% with splatterpunk and hajario.
I posted my OP mostly for entertainment value. I didn’t expect to get so many negative responses. My bad, because I know hoe this board can be sometimes.
I didn’t expect someone to be this much of a jerk, though.
You’re being a complete asshole. You need to stop.
I can see where you are coming from, as no one enjoys being made fun of, but you have to admit that there is something a bit amusing about a guy getting on the internet to brag about riding a Greyhound bus for 6 hours to meet (for the first time ever) a newfound ladylove, who herself had to have her brother fix her brokendown car so she could to get to the romantic rendezvous.
Yes, but I also think you’re getting some good responses in between the bad ones. The trick is separating the good from the bad, and the only person who can do that is you.
I’m looking at it this way: you’re going to spend the weekend with a young lady. You know her–sort of–through phone calls and webcam chats. Those talks may have touched on the subject of sex, or they may not have; I don’t know, and I don’t care to know. Regardless, you are going to spend the whole weekend–mornings, afternoons, and evenings–with her. Now, how are you going to spend that weekend?
Take a deep breath and proceed, however you feel is proper. If you have extended the invitation to the young lady, and she has accepted, then your course should be set: you, tdn, are obligated to make sure that the two of you have an enjoyable time during your weekend, subject to any changes the two of you decide upon for and during that time.
Heck, have fun. I’m kind of jealous. I’d be more likely to fly half way across the country, booking myself a hotel room, just for a couple of hours of coffee and conversation. Not sure what that says about me, except it’s probably not very complimentary.
