After reading about the Canadian case Muffin references and how the father refers to his sexually active daughters “cuckolding” him, I became even less comfortable with this sort of reference than I had been before.
It feels as if some men think of their daughters, and their daughters’ sexuality, as something they own and control, and that someone seeking a sexual relationship with a daughter is infringing almost on a property right. I’m sure most men don’t mean it that way, but it has always struck me that way.
While there are people who do think of women and sex that way, it isn’t necessary to think that to be more on guard with one’s daughter than one’s son. One only needs to think it’s more likely to be fearful, painful, unpleasant for the daugther than the son and that it’s more likely for the daughter to be the victim of lies, blackmail and manipulation than the son.
I don’t have kids. I’ve heard other guys spouting this crap over the years. I think a lot of it is about looking like a badass to other adults. Teenage boys don’t give a shit how big you are or how many guns you have. They will still do thier best to nail your daughter and worry about the aftermath later. Maybe.
One of my usual responses when I hear the tough guy talk about kicking the asses of the boys hanging around the daughter is “What if he wins? Does he get to do as he pleases with your daughter?”. They never seem to take into consideration that the boy could get a lucky punch in or maybe has access to a bigger gun collection.
Fathers are protective. You’d think they were shitty fathers if they weren’t.
And yes, fathers remember what little shits teenage boys can be, and yes, sometimes can be in the right place at the right time to help prevent their daughters from being exploited.
I’m not a dad but I have a younger female relative. The situation’s bugged me too, but not as much as you. I generally take a hands off approach, its her life, not mine
My niece and I were walking at a local music festival last year. She is an extremely attractive 19-year-old, and a drunk young moron about her age came up and said some very inappropriate things to her. I told him to watch his mouth and back the fuck off.
I have chatted with my older nephew about agressive females, yes. I had a friend in high school who was pressured into sex before he was ready and it affected him greatly - I am not unaware of the ramifications. I also encountered one or two guard-dog Moms during my high school career, who wanted to make sure their sweet boys wouldn’t be overwhelmed by my charms. They could be nasty.
Of course I will talk to Celtling about the importance of making this decision carefully, and keeping your partners’ needs, readiness, etc. in mind.
But if you are attempting to deny that a female is vastly more likely than a male to be put in that position then you’re just not in reality.
In this day and age, I could certainly see a father being more worried for the sons than for the daughters. If she gets pregnant, she can opt out at any time. If he gets her pregnant, and she decides to keep it, he’s on the hook for the next eighteen plus years.
Listen folks, I’m not being sexist here. Women get pregnant, men don’t. It’s a real difference. Every man should do the right thing, as should every woman. But in reality it doesn’t work out that way. And when it comes to pregnancy, women generally are more greatly affected overall, and in terms of health, greatly so.
No, not different strokes, different situations - chasing off some random punk is different from intimidating every possible boyfriend your (generic) daughter brings home - someone she chooses to be with.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding you here, but that strikes me as a bit old-fashioned. A guy can open as many doors and order as much food as he wants, he can still be a Grade A jerk. Also, order food for her? She can’t do that herself? Ye Olde manners isn’t all a teenaged boy should be judged on, but maybe this is just reflecting my not fully understanding American dating customs.
I had a friend who justified his 21-year old sister’s 11pm curfew (seriously :rolleyes:) by saying things like “we (him and his dad) don’t want her going out and having sex all night.”
He didn’t seem to believe me when I told him that there was a very good chance that she was having sex all day anyways, and simply not telling them about it because they had stupid ideas about women.
Also, this is the moron who told me that girls should have an earlier curfew and not go to bars because guys go out and get drunk and get violent and it’s dangerous. He couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that this was a better justification for locking the guys up at night and letting the girls stay out in safety. “Oh, no, because guys like to get drunk” was his answer.
I probably made a few of those jokes when my daughter was a baby.
However by the time she got to dating age, her self confidence and self esteem were both excellent. Coupled with that she had inherited my sarcastic sense of humor.
Because of these factors, frankly I never worried about her dating. If anything I felt sorry for the guys she kicked to the curb that did not meet her standards.
I was wondering if I was crazy. I would be pissed right off if any guy ordered for me. How does this even work? Does he ask what I want to eat, or just assumes that he knows what I want? To me, that just screams patronizing. I understand that that is how it was done once upon a time, but it just seems a bit sexist to me.
If my daughter told me that her date ordered for her, alarm bells would be ringing in my head that he doesn’t consider her an equal.
It depends on the situation though. I’d rather my daughter get pregnant by an irresponsible boy than my son get an irresponsible girl pregnant. An irresponsible teenage father probably just won’t be around much. An irresponsible teenage mother might use drugs while pregnant or something.
I am not speaking about the exceptions, which I am well aware of, but the more general cases. In either circumstance I would be concerned for my grandchild.
As long as my daughters live under my roof, I will be involved in their social lives, and i will be a dick about it if I choose to be. If they don’t like it, they are free to move out the day they each turn 18.
