here’s the thing. in biological and chronological terms i’m only 23. ‘young’ by most standards. but here i am, at the age of 23, and i feel old.
i left school a few years ago (sophomore in college), i’ve moved away from my parents, i’ve got a job. in the past three years i’ve fallen so far out of shape i don’t even recognize myself sometimes (i blame the desk job). my career is deadlocked in the overskilled/undereducated category, which means my options are limited. but none of this bothers me much, its only background.
anywho, here i am wondering why it is i feel so middle-aged, so locked into the rest of my life.
two weeks ago i’m hanging out with a bunch of my friends, ranging in age from 17-30. most of us are towards the younger end of that. this one kid is nearby and comes up to ask me a question. he calls me ‘sir’. not because he has respect for me, not because he’s forced to, but obviously because i’m so much older than him. that doesn’t shock me as much as realizing that i am much older than him.
i was over at a buddy of mine’s house last night, and a bunch high school kids were playing basketball in his driveway. i’m a good 4-5 years older than these kids. it shocks me to think of that. i’m older than the peer group i feel like i just left. know what i mean?
in middle and high school, i was a geek. i ignored social situations for the most part, and kept to myself. sure, i was anti-social, but not terribly so. i went to parties on occasion, and most everyone in the school knew or at least recognized me. regardless, i never did the things most people in high school do/did. i never really enjoyed it. i never took advantage of my youth, i was too busy looking ahead, and now that i’m here i don’t like it much.
am i crazy? does everyone feel like this when their lives start to fall into the long rut of adulthood? or am i trying to live my childhood too late?
I’m 23.
I feel about 23. It’s not so bad, and I have a desk job as well.
You don’t have to act old, and you will feel younger if you hang outwith those who are older than you or same-age and still know how to be young (YOUNG, i say, but not FREAKING CHILDISH like going for your best friend’s boyfriend as a means of revenge!!!- don’t mind me, I know you read my post so I’m ranting).
Of course you will feel old hanging around high school kids.
I’m not too big on bars, but there are other things to do that include people of your own age. Except I don’t know you so I can’t provide good examples of what you might enjoy.
I think the best way to combat this is just to NOT go home and watch tv every night when you come home from work.
Oh- and the very fact that you are questioning this is a GOOD thing. The scary thing is when people do this cycle for years and years and years without stopping to wonder if they’re getting old
You’re not alone inoci. I’m 21, out of college and have established myself at a great company. I make more money than I use, am settled in a career, and am generally happy. But, I do question it sometimes. In high school, when most people had part time jobs that they hated, I was working full time building and repairing PC’s. I was the only one of my friends who enjoyed going to work. I was 15 at the time and I’ve continued that trend. From the time I was 15 through 18(when I moved away from home) I put half of every paycheck into various investments because I was worried about retiring well.
I don’t relly have any regrets, but I look back and wonder what I missed. I never really partied. Even in college, my idea of a party was a few friends getting together. No keggers, frat parties, etc. And, I feel old. Most of my friends are in their late 20’s/early 30’s and have kids. The few that aren’t are still in college and work really wierd hours. Nobody my age has a set work schedule like I do. They work weeknights, weekends, whatever. This also makes it hard for me to meet new people. I’ve been single for about 5 months now because I can’t meet anybody my age who already knows what they want out of life. And the fact that I do know scares them.
I know this isn’t helping much, so I’ll get to the point. I’ve gotten to where I just say screw it. I’m happy with who I am and what I turned out to be. There was a time in my life where I thought I might not amount to anything, but here I am now. Just be yourself, don’t worry about what everybody thinks, and let everything just fall into place. That’s what I’ve done. And, given, not everything has fallen into place yet. But, at least I’m not spending all my time worrying and I’m happier for it. Good luck, anyway.
I’m 25 and I still feel like I’m 17 sometimes. I can’t believe that this year’s high school seniors, Class of 2001, were born in 1983… when I was 8 years old!!!
I find myself hoping that they raise the driving age to 18 because these teeny-boppers drive like maniacs. I think the teenagers today dress weird and listen to weird music… and I’m not that much older than them. I can remember being 15 back in 1990 and thinking that when the year 2000 rolls around I’ll be 25. Well, it’s here baby and I’m 5 years away from being 30.
I feel both sides of this “I’m old”/“I’m young” thing.
I’m 23 years old, been out of college for two years (though I don’t quite have a degree yet), and working a decent job. Thanks to attrition, I’m basically the senior/most knowledgeable IS person in the hospital in which I work. (Save for the boss who sorta oversees out dept. He’s from the hospital with which we’re merging. I don’t really have a specific boss other than him.) And as a result of my specific job knowledge but lack of formal education in the field I almost feel trapped in the job.
So, to an extent, I feel old. I’m often treated as though I’m the full IS manager here since I’m the one who knows or can find the answers to questions. Many of my friends are getting married and some are having children.
But in other ways I feel very young. In order to combat the work-home-TV rut that Turpentine described I got involved in local community theater. Many of the people with whom I work regularly through the theater are old enough to be a parent to me. They talk about shows they did and I wasn’t even born at the time.
So it’s a somewhat double-edged sword. So I know longer know what age I feel. At this point I don’t really care. I know that I’m only 23 and still have a lot of life left. I’m planning on going back to school locally to get my BS, and I’ve got myself in a few good positions that I never thought I’d have this soon in my life.
Yikes. It sounds like half the problem is your attitude toward adulthood. It will only be a rut if you let it. At 23, you’re just getting started at adulthood.
Perhaps you should stop hanging out with teenagers so much.
“I’m in a rut deep enough to hang posters!”
Kids in the Hall
I’m 25, and I know how it is. There was a comedian (Bill Cosby?) who talked about this a bit. He said something to the effect that when you’re in high school, the ages are: baby, 15, 16, 17, 18, coma, and dead.
Physically, the desk job has taken it’s toll. I weigh about 30 lbs more since 18, but that’s actually a good thing, because I am 6’4" and was 150 lbs, but now I’m an appropriate 180. The issue is that I don’t get the same level of exercise, so muscles get sore much quicker, so that can feel a little old.
Mentally, I usually feel no different (other than intelligence) than 18. About 85% of the people I know are married, most have kids, and that at times makes me feel old in a way, as if I’m missing out on what they had or have at the same age. Certainly that makes it difficult to spend time with most of them, as it feels like I’m imposing on their family time (even if they never express it). Of course, being that I’m excruciatingly single, quite picky about who I even ask out, and typically spend evenings alone, that can feel a bit old at certain times. But I think your attitude toward life really controls how old or young you really feel, and most of the time, I feel pretty young. Maybe it’s because I realize there’s so much I haven’t experienced, and I really look forward to it.
Okay, you will probably all write me off as a “weird” teenager trying to be older than I am, but I’ve seriously felt like I was having a midlife crisis since about the age of 16. I’m only 17 now and I’ve never been able to relate to people my age, I am constantly putting down the people my age for acting immature, or dressing weird, or whatever it is that they may be doing that shits me. I’ve had to grow up pretty damn fast, and sometimes I just want to forget my maturity and listen to shitty music, or dress like a teenybooper or crush over movie stars, or hang around with my friends giggling over guys. I’ll probably regret growing up so fast when I’m older. I dunno. It’s strange.