Amateur psychologists - what do you think??

(Sorry this is so long)
I work with a woman who, I think, has a mental illness. She started out as just being annoying, but her behavior is getting more and more strange and is starting to make me and some other people here uneasy. There is a psychologist in our building who has tried to get her to come see him, but she refuses. He told me and another woman here that, based on what he has observed, we should try to avoid being alone in the building with her, which makes me even more uneasy.
Here are some examples of her behavior…what do you think the problem is? Do you have any advice on how we should deal with her in the workplace??

[ul]
[li]Yesterday, upon hearing that another woman got a sale at a local business, “A.” became extremely irate. When the rest of us left for lunch, A. went into the other woman’s office and began yelling at her. She said that she knew someone at the local business, so the other woman should never have approached them for a sale (this is not even remotely what our sales policy is). She was extremely agitated, with a “wild look in her eyes” (according to the other woman), was pacing and was pounding herself in the chest. She was screaming that she was the only reason the rest of us were here, that she makes all the revenue for the office, and that the other woman is just handed sales all the time (none of this is remotely true). She continued the pacing and ranting in her office and the hallway.[/li][li]A. is oddly sexual. We have had complaints from customers that she has made inappropriate sexual comments during sales calls. She is extremely touchy and makes a lot of sexual innuendoes with men who work here and who are here visiting (clients, vendors, etc.). An example of this: she frequently “adjusts” her thigh-high pantyhose in front of our tech, which involves hitching her dress up to her waist. She makes come-on type comments while she does this. She also comments frequently to me that she or another woman who works here is having an affair with my husband. She likes to talk about her husband’s desire to have sex with her, but she also makes comments to the effect that she won’t, doesn’t want to, and that she wishes he would just hurry up and get it over with.[/li][li]She cannot grasp rules. She is frequently (at least once a week) out sick, but refuses to turn in her time-off requests. She says that since she is sick (not taking vacation), she shouldn’t have to do it. When I explain PTO and our company’s time-off policy, she looks at me like I’m completely insane. She consistently ignores other policies in the office regarding paperwork, approval for proposals, etc. This carries over into her personal life regarding traffic rules (I’ve been in the car with her) and her behavior in her neighborhood (which has a homeowner’s association), which brings us to….[/li][li]She has a fixation on one of the women in the office…the woman she yelled at in my first point above, as a matter of fact. She moved into her neighborhood (right down the street), she joined her church, and she attempts to make friends with the other woman’s friends. She went over to the other woman’s house one night. The woman invited her in and asked if she would like a tour of the house. A. said no. After a few moments of stilted conversation, A. left.[/li][li]A. name-drops to the nth degree and says these people are her best friends. For instance, there is a woman in our community who is very well-known and well-liked. She is the president/CEO of an important local company. A. tells all who listen that the woman is her best friend, but the woman isn’t. They’ve met and the woman would probably know who A. is, but they wouldn’t be considered friends. In fact, it doesn’t seem that A. has any friends…she tells us a lot about her personal life, but it seems to consist mostly of sleeping and going to doctors. A. also tells stories of her encounters with famous men. She has often told the story of her meeting with Jack Nicklaus…she said he considers her “his girl” and insinuates, without actually saying, that they had an affair.[/li][li]A. has MANY physical health problems, but hasn’t been diagnosed with anything. She’s been going to the doctor for pain and fatigue for as long as I’ve known her (about a year), but they haven’t been able to pinpoint the problem. Her health problems, sex, and who she knows are her main topics of conversation.[/li][/ul]
This is just the tip of the iceberg; there are a million other anecdotes I could tell you about. You all are probably wondering why she hasn’t been fired, especially for the client complaints and refusal to follow company policies. I honestly can’t tell you. I’m not her supervisor and I think the powers-that-be are a little intimidated by her. She has a history of making phone calls to supervisors of supervisors and complaining about their abilities. She does meet her sales quota and she does have some connections in our area because her husband is a prominent businessman. I live in a very small-town atmosphere, so connections are the end-all be-all.

So, what do you think is the problem? How should I cope with this coworker?

C3, your employer should be concerned about the effect that A is having on the productivity and morale of your office, but even more, your employer should be taking action to ensure the safety of everyone there. If your employer has a security department, they should be informed of the circumstances pronto, and your managers should also be apprised of the situation. If your employer does not have a security unit, it should consider consulting with an outside expert. The danger posed by mentally unstable coworkers is no joke.

I’m about as amateur as a psychologist can be, but it sounds to me like this women could have a personality disorder. Since I don’t have my abnormal psych textbook handy, I won’t speculate as to which one.

Ah, sheesh. From an employment standpoint, this (she) shouldn’t be your problem. But reality counts, especially when it’s a fairly small town and biggie connections kick in.

Based on what you wrote I’d guess she’s in dire need of help but getting her there is the real issue. As an employee and a coworker you could issue a formal complaint based on behavior that directly effects you; hostile/threatening workplace and all that. Don’t mean to sound dismissive, but it isn’t always easy to prove. Maybe I’m reading too much between the lines but spooky behavior and opinions of “house psychologists” aside, it’ll take some real ammo to either get her fired or to help.

My take? Not much you can do directly, other than filing something written with The Powers That Be–who probably can’t or won’t do much but at least you’ve gotten it on record. Just be very sure you’re documenting actual behavior you’ve witnessed that violate work rules and/or cause you to feel personally threatened/uneasy. (There’s odd and then there’s scary weird.)

Good luck to you, all of you.
Veb
P.S. There is no sarcasm intended, btw. It’s a sad, upsetting situation, with no clear answers.

Where is her husband in this picture? It seems like he would be the only person that could really help her, if it gets to the point that she needs to be commited or something. Perhaps she manages to hold together at home so that he really has no idea?

Considering this is a small town I know that your position is delicate, to say the least. Perhaps you could write him a letter, sent to his office, detailing the problem behaviors you have seen, stressing your concern for her safety and the safety of those around her. Whether or not you sign the letter is, of course, up to you.

This reminds me a LOT of an ex friend of mine I used to work with. If you were in a different line of work, I’d almost think it WAS her.

From the apparent fact that she’s a few diodes short of a rectifier, it does NOT necessarily follow that the mental health profession has anything meaningful to offer her. Please remember that. Some of what they offer helps some of the people some of the time, but nearly always limited to cases where the individual has chosen to seek their help, and probably not the majority of cases even then.

If we may assume that the prevailing sentiment here is not a deep and abiding concern for this nutty woman’s well-being and instead has mainly to do with the safety and well-being of the folks who have to work with her – which is an entirely legitimate and understandable sentiment – then let’s be straightforward about it and not mask it with dangerous euphemisms like “she needs help” or “I wish someone would force her to get the help she needs”.

The crux of the matter is that people have the right to a workplace in which they do not feel threatened, intimidated, or sexually harassed, and it is the duty of the employer to protect that right. They are often not good at doing so, but they are likely to be more responsive if the number of complaining people is high.

She, on the other hand has (legally if not in practice; and she SHOULD have) the right to decide whether or not to accept help or, instead, to accept the consequences of her unmofidied behavior. It most definitely should NOT be legal to restrain and coerce someone into taking mind-altering substances, or to incarcerate them for indeterminate periods of time, every time a significant plurality of people holding the opinion that the person is behaving weirdly and might someday do something dangerous or violent.

Psychiatric Inmates’ Liberation Movement Theory Pages

As far as I can tell, her husband won’t be much help. He has a reputation as being quite a hothead and not exactly progressive in his ideas. She does seem to hold it together pretty well in public, although I can’t even imagine what goes on at home. She has her version, but I’m not sure how much of it to believe.

You all have great suggestions that I think would work if 1) we lived in a larger city and 2) we were closer to corporate. We’re a small satellite office with only 5 people, working in a building with approximately 10 other people (max). My manager, although a great guy, hasn’t been much help and is loathe to escalate this because A. has gone behind his back several times to upper management discrediting him. He seems a little cowed by her. I’m definitely going to start documenting this, though. Maybe one day I’ll need it.

At this point, I’m mainly curious about what exactly her problem is. (And also how to engage her in a practical manner…should I try to be tougher on her about the procedures stuff? should I try to be encouraging of her grandiose ideas? should I just try to ignore her? We’re in a very small space and, with so few people, it would be impossible to avoid her.)

I’m not going to hazard a guess as to a specific diagnosis; but she certainly sounds like she’s a pain in the arse to work with. Whether or not she “gets help” is up to her. She may well be perfectly happy; but that doesn’t mean her coworkers have to put up with disruptive antics.

Has anybody actually written to the corporate office, documenting some of her inapropriate behaviour? It sounds like she is a potential liability that they would like a heads up about. If your immediate boss is too much of a wuss to do anything about her, perhaps you should go over his head.

If I were you, I’d take Carina42’s advice.

So “A” has gone over your boss’s head to higher management. That doesn’t mean you can’t approach higher management. You and your immediate boss should both document events and write to your corporate office. They need to know so that they can take action to make your office a safer and more productive place to work in.

Well, i don’t know what the MAIN diagnosis is, but as a side diagnosis (don’t take MY word for it) it sounds like she’s got some narcissistic tendancies. (sp?)

“Narcissistic personality disorder involves an exaggerated sense of self-importance and self-absorbtion.” She’s the center of the universe, she knows it, and she’s flaunting it. She’s probably got some self-esteem issues, too…

[sub]Disclaimer: rayniday is NOT a true psychologist, but is studying to be one.[/sub]

Just a small tip of the iceburg…hope it helps

Not a doc but:
Before you haul this woman off to the looney bin
I have a few questions about the situation.

Has she ALWAYS been like this?
Perhaps she is on medication which needs to be adjusted.
I have an aunt who is unbearable when her blood pressure meds need adjusting. Mean and ornery as hell.

Is she an older woman? Menopause can make some women
unbearable, but with the proper diagnosis and medication
can return to being a pleasant human being.

Just a thought, but man I wouldnt want to be in your shoes…
Good Luck