Including some armchair diagnosis if necessary. I think I briefly dropped some hints on the Dope as to the following here and there over the past year, but have never gone into full detail about it here. No longer, since this has a chance of blowing up in my face at work in a very bad way if this person continues her schtick. There is much that needs to remain in confidence, but I’ll work around the gaps as much as I can.
She came onboard last January, and at the time she seemed to be a very positive, outgoing, perky, and compassionate person (i.e. like I am now after many years of work on myself), and I was immediately and strongly attracted to her, and soon asked her out. I probably pushed things a bit too hard in beginning admittedly, and she complained to my boss to cool it, so I did (I’ve acquired the ability to let go of almost anything whenever necessary).
Fast forward a couple of months: she comes in one day talking excitedly about this encounter she had with a cardinal which as she told it kept trying to knock at her window one afternoon. Well as it turned out I had found a cardinal doll in box during a cleaning spree-I was going to give it to my nephew, but he grew up into a teen before I could. I decided to give her the doll in the parking lot after work one day, and she was all smiles from ear to ear giving me several hugs.
At this point the dynamic changed a bit-long story short in conversations she became very open to the idea of doing stuff with me (i.e. she never went back to my boss again/would always be excitedly talking about all the cool activities we could do together, including vacations), but in practice trying to actually do things with this woman turned out to be an almost fruitless endeavor. I will note that she was in a very dark and tumultuous marriage with an abusive alcoholic several years before I met her.
She has stood me up, with the lamest and glibest of excuses, several times now; when I would text her asking where she was and why she cut out on me, I’d invariably get this chirpy facile response/excuse full of blather and lacking in a single iota of sincerity. After the 2nd one (this was 4 months ago), I abandoned all romantic pretensions and realized that trying to have a relationship with this woman would be a big mistake. On other occasions she would simply lose interest in hanging out and tell me that she needed some rest. She never owned up to any of this behavior, BTW. I still (foolishly) thought we could at least be friends, which was my 2nd mistake.
Earlier this month we had arranged for a get-together which would have involved a visit to a wildlife park followed by dinner-2 days before when we finalized plans she kept talking about how much she was looking forward to this. Well of course I go to pick her up, and she isn’t in nor answering her texts; later she texts me that she had a “new workout routine” and that was why she couldn’t be arsed to actually follow through on our plans. I realize at this point that even a friendship would be hopeless, and that this woman has some sort of mental hangups or something, and rigourously avoided any more talk with her outside work if I could avoid it (occ. she might text me with a question about her schedule or something when she had an off day).
Fast forward to this week. She came up to me and complained that a co-worker had said something biting to her. Complained right in the middle of the office where we might have been in earshot of other people (including clients). I told her that this was not the right time and place for this conversation, and she immediately got all huffy with me. 15 minutes after her shift ended (but I was still on the clock) she texted me >3< times while I was still with some clients, accusing me of not “being supportive” of her feelings.
Today we briefly talked in the parking lot, and I tried to explain to her that we can’t be talking about that stuff out in the open like that (at the time I had assumed that she wanted to discuss the issue then and there), and again she repeated her complaint, saying that I wasn’t being “nice and supportive”, unlike herself who of course is always smiles and sweetness (she actually said that). I told her that I was unhappy with her texting me while I still on the clock, and she said she didn’t know what my schedule is (which is nonsense as it is posted on a bulletin board in the office) so she could hardly be blamed.
At this point, after researching things a bit, I am wondering if she is borderline, mixed in with perhaps some avoidant personality disorder, or if it is simply plain old narcissism. I don’t want to go to my boss about this unless I have to, but I might have to. I won’t be erasing her texts from my phone, BTW. At this point I wish I had never deigned to think of her as anything other than a casual co-worker; thankfully my emotional equilibrium remains pretty steady tho thank Og. Yes, you can criticize me for my various fuckups along the way, if you wish; I just want to know what the best course of action would be from here on out.