I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t really answer the question.
Why isn’t “just stay the fuck away from her. Don’t text her. Don’t go for coffee with her. When she talks to you at work, nod a few times and then let your eyes wonder. Never say anything to her unless you need to for work then keep it only to work.” an option?
I’d assume he thinks that will make her act even more psycho. But he seems a little self-inflated by this business himself, so I’m wondering how this one looks from the other side.
You shouldn’t need strangers’ advice on the internet to get you out of this–just a side order of common sense, vision, and a pair of ears.
Everybody has given you advice you should heed. Steer clear of this broad, make sure there are witnesses around in case she flies off the handle, and keep all your personal information quiet. Change your cell number if necessary.
She sounds like severely damaged goods, and if you didn’t work with her, she might be perfect for you.
She went to her boss about you? What do you need to get the picture that it’s not going to happen? A restraining order?
It sounds like you give her a lot of attention, and even if she doesn’t want a relationship with you, now and then she gets bored or has a bad hair day or wants to piss off her ex or just needs a warm body to do an emotional dump on, and she knows that you will always be there to give her attention. You have made it clear to her that you have no self esteem, so she’s been testing how many high of a hoop you are willing to jump through, which is apparently quite a few. It’s all win for her, at basically no risk. What you are seeing is basically the same thing as when people take booty calls, and then complain that their booty call won’t get in a relationship with them. Reward people for treating you without self-respect, and they will continue to test just how poorly they can treat you.
She reported you to the boss. She could have gotten you fired! And you react by asking her to coffee and giving her gifts? If you had any self-respect, you would have immediately gone frosty because she, you know, tried to get you fired.
Unfortunately, you’ve gone and and made trouble for yourself by having your little situation at work. Normally I’d advise just acting like someone with self respect- don’t change your plans for her, don’t accept last minute invites, don’t accept emotional dumping, etc. But since this at work, I think you really just need to cut it off and keep things entirely professional.
So you’re saying there’s a chance?
I think you should change your relationship status on Facebook to “In A Relationship With ______” and see if she accepts.
See this is where I think your true colors show. You have, from the start of this according to what you’ve typed here, done every textbook wrong thing there is to do yet somehow you’re blaming this mostly on her.
She’s the crazy one to the point that you’re shamelessly trying to figure out her personality disorder? You “let” her push all of your buttons until HER “darker tendencies” came to light? Huh?
You must have hit on her in a BIG way for her to report you. By your own words you pushed things too hard. She reported you. Instead of being smart about it you showed up with a present for her after she simply mentioned a bird. You took her happiness and appreciative demeanor as “Holy crap I might still have a chance!” and set about trying to set up dates with her. Time after time she flaked out on you with no good excuses and yet you persisted. You said you were going to try to remain friends (ha) which was your “second” mistake which was really about your 10th.
Note that as late as this month you were still trying to arrange hangouts/meetings/dates with her like Charlie Brown with a football yet it’s HER that has the mental hangups? Really?
Look, I don’t think she’s handling this well at all. I think she probably does have some strange issues with her personality but you really are trying your hardest in this thread to make her look like some crazy and you’re just a good ol guy who was trying to make a friend. (PS: There’s a Friend Zone thread here you might be interested in) when from what you’ve written is hardly true.
Until you take an honest look at all of the bad mistakes YOU made on your own without trying soften them by blaming it on her then I don’t see how you’re going to learn anything. You are a grown man and you willfully and almost gleefully (it appears) charged into a situation where you were given every sign that it was a bad idea. She didn’t do that to you, you did it to yourself.
I laughed.
You have continued to pursue her endlessly (even if in an aimless way by just “having coffee with her … at her own insistence, really”).
Don’t have coffee with her. Don’t text her. Don’t talk to her except to deal with work-related issues, at work. That’s how you, hopefully, tamp this down to the point that it goes away, rather than explodes with you being fired for sexual harassment.
John, are you setting us all up for some crazy made up psycho ending for Halloween or something? This story is scary, dude!
Guys, it’s over-she said she didn’t want to even be my friend anymore, so that’s that, and frankly I’m glad for it. Yes, I think I already admitted that I screwed up, so thanks for that; there’s a lot more here (like I said) that I haven’t said (along with things I have said that people feel like completely ignoring in their rush to judgement), before you feel like getting out the rope and becoming my judge, jury, and executioner.
Right. And the reason you ended your OP with:
??? What exactly did you want advice on, anyway? How to be professional at work?
Get over yourself dude. You sound exactly like my ex, who when taken to task about the things he fucked up on, would literally whine “I already feel bad enough, why are you trying to guilt me into feeling woooooorse?”
We didn’t have to get out the rope. You handed it to us. This girl went so far as reporting to your boss that you were harassing her, and you still didn’t get it. Instead, you gave her a doll! And if MY bullshitometer went off the charts when you claim that you just happened to have a cardinal doll in a box, imagine what hers (or your boss’) did.
Sorry, but that was not only inappropriate given your boss’ warning, but downright creepy.
If that wasn’t enough of a clue, her repeated refusal to follow through with plans should have been sufficient. You just couldn’t accept that she wasn’t interested in you, not only romantically but as friends. Because neither friends nor lovers repeatedly blow off plans with people they give two cents about.
No, no you haven’t. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.
Take it easy. It’s just tough love. Helping you remember to ignore her when she seems normal and attractive again. And to remind you to consider this the next time you think some girl at work is attracted to you. And to get you to look closer at your own participation in this disaster.
Ok, so you fucked up. You’ll take a few shots. And then you’ll move on. You aren’t the only person to make a mistake.
Do more work on yourself. Who do you think is causing all the negative emotion you are feeling? If you reread the OP do you get any sense of how fixed you are in your desire to have things work out a certain way?
Closing thread at the request of the OP.