If they ever open an Outback Steakhouse there, you’d have an easy way out.
In fact, that’d make a great commercial for Terry O’Quinn to do: he lands in Vienna, and gets all upset because he can’t get to the outback from there. “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!” In the last scene he’s all happy again as he’s chowing down on some baby back ribs in the middle of Austria.
At a restaurant, I asked for a frozen Margarita.
The waitress responded, “Sir, all our drinks are served fresh.”
This isn’t really fair, because It was more amazing ignorance than stupidity.
Europeans who have never spent time in the USA have no concept of the sheer size of the country, its impossible to explain you have to experience it.
This actually happens with American people in America. Eons ago an internet friend and I planned for her to fly (from Michigan) to San Francisco, then drive to a concert in LA. I began discussing hotel options for after the concert and she was all “why don’t we just drive back?” Because it’s a SEVEN HOUR DRIVE!
I had a similar experience when I had just seen Inglourious Basterds and, in the hallway waiting for my wife to emerge from the bathroom, overheard a woman say “I didn’t know Hitler died in Paris”.
How many really entertaining dumb things do people say, when they are really just whooshing? I’ll be smart people do this a lot.
When a waitperson asks me how I want my eggs, I often say “Medium rare”.
Once at the local Target, I asked one of the service ladies “Where is the men’s toilet paper?”
Yep, because they talk kilometers and we talk miles, so we’ll never ever ever understand each other.
Woman at Windsor castle: How old is this castle
Guide:Several hundred years
Woman: Why did they have to build it next to the Airport? (Hearhrow is nearby).
THe lady was from some place called Cincinnati Ohio. Or so she loudly proclaimed. I mentally scratched that off my visit list right then.
I did see an Australian pub in Vienna. I hope it’s not entirely for that purpose.
It happens for Canada too. Once in a while you’ll get folks who visit Montreal and Quebec City and then think they’d like to take a day trip to the Rockies. (I gently suggest the Laurentians.)
“I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.” - Terry Pratchett
(bolding mine)
Yeah, those witty retorts put you right up there with Einstein. 
mmm
Some of these reminded me of a Brit coworker visiting the US for the first time. He was going to be at a conference in San Diego, and I was living in Houston at the time. He looked on a map and noticed that I-10 runs from Houston to San Diego and suggested I drive over for the weekend. I had to explain that the drive would be 2000 miles and for half of that I would still be in Texas!
The difference between Brits (or Europeans in general): Brits thing 100 miles is a long way, Americans thing 100 years is a long time.
I’m totally doing this next time I order eggs.
Yankees.
What can you expect from folks who put sugar in cornbread?
Gherkins ARE cucumbers!
For some strange reason I had the impression that “gherkins” referred to some old fashioned style of trousers.
The distance thing reminded me of another MIL-ism that left me shaking my head. This past summer, our daughter went on a short cruise with friends. It departed Miami and went to the Bahamas and Key West and maybe one other place - it was just a 4 or 5 night cruise.
As it happened, Tropical Storm Emily was gaining strength… off the coast of South America, so more than spitting distance from southern Florida. My MIL knew our daughter was on the cruise and she called us wanting to know if we could get in touch with our daughter and let her know about the hurricane!!! :eek: I’m guessing she didn’t trust the captain to pay attention to the weather.
“Excuse me, Captain, but my grandma called and wanted me to tell you that there’s a storm out there.” 
She really isn’t a stupid woman, but there are times she has major brain farts. This one had my husband and me laughing for days.
My wife was in Romania many, many years ago and at a resturant she ordered a tortilla, using the Spanish Pronounciation tor-tee-yah. The waitress looked at her and said “Uh, it’s called a tor-tiLL-ah.”
Granted there are (at least) three languages being spoken in that exchange and I would assume that neither English nor Spanish is the waitress’s primary, but my wife thought it very funny that she got some flack in any case. We often joke with each other about it when we go to Mexican resturants.
I was having tapas with a Dutch/Czech guy in Madrid a few years ago and he ordered a Quesadilla, explaining to me that it was “kind of like two crepes with melted cheese and roasted peppers between them”. I told him I was from California and we had them there, too.
Not really a stupid thing, just minor cultural ignorance (and I had plenty of my own as well). I was greatly amused by the idea that someone would try to explain a (Mexican) tortilla to me as “like a crepe”.
To put the speculation to rest it was clear through further conversation that they believed “pickles” as in brine soaked pickles grew like that on the vine, they just harvested them and put them in a jar.