the dumbest thing youv'e heard a tourist say?

I remember visiting the Grand Canyon, standing on the rim looking down to the river. I overheard a kid asking his father if there were any fish down there. His father said no, that the altitude was too high!

Another one is the tourist at Glacier National Park in Montana asking the ranger what the white stuff on the mountains is. He replied: “it’s angel shit lady”. Saw that in a magazine, I believe he got fired for that answer.

I think that when you go on vacation you make a transition to the tourist frame of mind where you automatically lose at least 50 points of your IQ.:rolleyes:

At the Washington Monument, D.C., USA. For those that are unfamiliar it is surrounded by fifty big flagpoles all flying the Stars and Bars.

Tourist to Ranger: “How do they get the all the flags to fly in the same direction?”

It’s the wind ma’am, oh never mind.

SeaWorld -

“How do they get the whales such a glossy black?”
[Um, they’re glossy because they’re wet.]

“Why are the manatees bubbling?”
[“That’s called ‘flatulence’.” “What’s that?” “Farts.”]

Heard this one twice:
On a ferry from Santorini to Ios
and on a bus in northern Malawi
“what country are we in?”

I was at a resort in Cancun with some couples from Toronto and an American college girl remarked that they spoke very good english for Canadians.

While on a tour of the British Museum:

Tourist: Why are these called the Elgin Marbles?

Guide: Because Lord Elgin purchased them and brought them to the museum.

Tourist: Yes, I understand that part. But why are they called marbles? They’re not round at all!

“Is this a natural lake?”–My mom, standing on a scenic overlook, looking down at the 200-foot-tall Lake Greeson Narrows dam in southwest Akansas.

“:rolleyes: Yeah, there was a 200-foot wall of water there for thousands of years, then the Army built the dam in 1930 to make the boats stop falling off the edge.”–Me, in response to her question.

When I was in high school I went on a tour of Paris with some other school groups. I remember walking through the streets of downtown and one girl asking our guide “So, do people, like, LIVE here?” He gave her a weird look and said “oh, no. These are all nothing but empty buildings.” :rolleyes:

“This doesn’t look like the corner where Mary Tyler Moore threw her hat in the air!” :rolleyes: It’s because Minneapolis has CHANGED!

“I can’t believe it’s so warm here!” It’s July. It’s warm everywhere in July.


In Munich about ten months ago, I was outside the central train station where all the trolley routes come together. I saw some people crossing the plaza, and one guy looked at the trolleys and said (in the best, loudest Brooklyn accent I’ve ever heard) “Why do I suddenly feel like Rice-a-Roni?”

My younger sister, never the sharpest pencil in the box, came up to visit me in NY about 15 years ago. I took her to the Museum of Modern Art, where we walked through the first few rooms, past the Van Goghs and Picassos and Rousseaus.

She asked, “Are these all…uh…originals?”

I was at some Bubba-filled festival in Carrabelle, FL – a tiny little beach/fishing village on the Gulf Coast. There was an exhibitor who had a live Bald Eagle, on a leash. She would stand there, with her big leather glove on, holding the Eagle, answering questions. She spoke for about 15-20 minutes, then took questions. Part of her speech included the fact that Bald Eagles are indiginous to North Florida, among other places, and they (some wildlife conservation group) had caught this one right down the road, at XYZ location.

Idiot (NATIVE) behind me: “Gee, it seems so cruel that they keep this poor bird out here in the hot sun. He’s panting.”

No, you idiot, that bird LIVES here by its own volition and if it didn’t like the heat, would probably migrate further north. And it’s not panting, it’s trying to fly away so it can scoop up your precious, fluffy, yappy little Eagle-bait dog – who really does have NO BUSINESS out here in the heat – and eat him.

In Depoe Bay, Oregon, there’s a place where the sidewalk goes along the sea wall, and the ocean waves regularly crash up and drench pedestrians with spray. It’s very popular. My husband and I were there, watching the waves and listening to the tourists squeal, and a lady came up and asked, “Why are the waves doing that?”

We just stared at her, unable to come up with a short answer to that question.

Whilst on vacation in South Africa, my friend and I met two American backpackers in Palaborwa, a little town on the border of the Kruger Park. After exchanging the usual pleasantries, the following conversation occurred:

  • “So, where are you guys from?”
  • “From the Netherlands. I live in Amsterdam.”
  • “Oh, that’s so cool! That’s in Europe, right?”
  • “Sure is, yeah.”
  • “Then you might know my cousin! He lives in Milan!”

me and my friend tumble from our chairs, laughing

We politely explained that Europe was quite a big continent, with many countries, and that the distance Amsterdam - Milan is about the same as, say, Miami - Chicago.

While at Disney World, my mom asked a security guard person “Is this the boat” while standing on the monorail platform

Well, this is me on my very first trip to NYC. My boyfriend and I are visiting a friend on the Upper East Side for the first time. My BF goes out for bagels the next morning–without asking for directions! Comes back promptly with bagels.

ME: Have you been in this neighborhood before?

BF: No. Why do you ask?

ME: How did you know where to find bagels?

Gunslinger: Keep the boats from falling off… hee hee hee, good one.

On a trip to Canada, I overheard a Yank telling a local, “Your English is terrific.”

P.S. to the above: Not in Quebec. (Just in case there was any confusion.)

Just down the street from my house, there’s an outlet mall that’s really popular among tourists. As this mall is along a bus route, many tourists will forgo taking their rental cars and will simply take the bus when they go shopping. And, being tourists, they’ll talk with interest about the things we pass by.

The area near this mall is pretty well-kept. The streetlights are nice and new, and the sidewalks are clean. The houses all look alike, and look good. There’s a golf course right in the middle of the residential area, and all the grass, trees, shrubs are neatly manicured. The trees and shrubs are cool; they’re pruned so that they look like round, green domes.

One day, on my way home, I was sitting behind a tourist couple. They stared as we passed Pearl Harbor, and they oohed and aahed over the view of the mountain and valleys. Typical tourists. I didn’t pay much attention to them.

When we got near the mall, the woman suddenly perked. “Honey,” she said. “Look! Round trees!”

The husband nodded thoughtfully. “I wonder what kind of trees those are.”

Some funky, native Hawaiian species, surely. :rolleyes:
Another tourist once asked me where my grass skirt and hut were, but he was just kidding.

From tourist visiting Alaska:

Do you take American money?