My family’s response is usually “A dollar threee eighty”…glad to know we are not the only ones who use a phrase like that
I had an acquaintance from Hawaii who went to school in Iowa. She said that people would ask her if she needed a visa to go to school in the United States.
I had a friend ask me, " What is 100 times 12 cents?". I looked at her for a moment and replied, “12 dollars.”.
I must admit, I would have answered twelve hundred cents. 
I have a friend that organized a ski club trip to Alaska once.
A couple of the skiers complained that they could not find out the conversion on the internet from US dollars to whatever currency was used in Alaska.
This one might make sense only to Dopers from the DC area, but I had a woman pull up next to me at the light where the Outer Loop of the Beltway exits onto Georgia Avenue heading into downtown Silver Spring. She rolled down her window and asked for directions to Alexandria.
Um, you’re in the wrong state? You’re nowhere close? Get back on the Beltway and go another 20 miles? I had absolutely no idea what to say, especially given that we were at a stop light that turned green 10 seconds later. It might be slightly understandable if it was an out-of-state driver but she was in an SUV with Maryland plates. How do you even leave your house to go somewhere if you’re that clueless about where it is?
Hey, when you’re swapping your cold hard cash for cold hard dried fish, you don’t want to get cheated.
Working overnights at a motel just off I95 outside of Savannah, Georgia taught me that even USA Americans (especially New Englanders) often have very little grasp of the country’s geography. It was pretty common to sell several rooms per week to folks who stopped in at two or three am to ask "How much farther to Miami/Key West/etc. They were frequently shocked - shocked, I tell you! - to learn that iit was still 8 or 10 or 12 more hours! “But it’s just the next state!” (Yeah, and if you were just aiming for Jacksonville, I’d say fuel up and grab some coffee, you’ll be there in less than two hours. But Florida is a loooong state!)
This doesn’t qualify as “amazingly stupid”, but I think it’s good for a giggle.
About 25 years ago, my sister was working the ticket window at a movie theater in suburban San Diego (Santee). One evening, when one of the feature films was “The Color Purple”, a middle-aged guy walked up and asked for two tickets for “The Colored People.”
.
That is taking ‘a la Carte’ menu to the extreme
I was playing a board game with a friend the other night. The board had a map of Europe on it, but the countries weren’t marked, just the major cities. I told her that she should place one particular piece “somewhere in England.” She looked at me in utter confusion and said. “Uh… remind me where England is?”
I thought she was being sarcastic, so I replied in kind, “North of France.” She gave me the same deer-in-headlights look and said, “And where’s France?”
Later in the game she also demonstrated that she could not identify Spain or Italy either. But really, the worst for me is not knowing that the giant island in the north of the board is Great Britain.
When I was a kid (early 80s), my dad and I were watching the old movie To Hell and Back on television. For anyone who is unfamiliar, Audie Murphy was a famous American soldier who fought in WWII. After the war, he became a successful movie star and the movie To Hell and Back is based on Murphy’s own autobiography of the same name. Murphy stars in the movie, playing himself of course. My dad explained all this to me when the movie began.
I got really into the movie and during the climactic battle scene I was on the edge of my seat. I was so anxious about what was going to happen that I blurted out to my dad, “Is he going to die?!”
Dad chuckled a bit and then gently helped me realize the flaw in my thinking. :smack:
I was sitting in a place called the Löwenbräu the other day when one woman had serious problems pronouncing the name and so had the new barman (OK, he’s an idiot of gigantic proportions, but one would think he would be able to pronounce the name of his workplace). I told them the correct pronunciation, which they had problems with, too, but what the heck, at least I had tried.
It was at that moment she asked “What language is it anyway?” I admit I am an old fart, who grew up when schools were better at teaching languages, but I still fail to grasp how a person fails to recognise one of the World’s most well know German beer makes.
My Dad was also in pilot training in Canada and decided to use a weekend pass to visit his Uncle in Kamsack. He did get to spend 24 hours there after the long train journey – he spent 23 of them asleep, being so exhausted by the long journey following the intensive training. Next time he went he made sure to have a week there.
It’s not just Europeans who have trouble realizing how huge the US is. I went to college in western New York and one day was hanging out with an international student from Korea. I mentioned I was “going to a baseball game at the stadium” (meaning the local minor league team) and he asked me if I went to Yankee Stadium often.
Yankee Stadium was about 6 hours away and this conversation took place around 3 or 4 o’clock. So even if traffic is good and if I had left right that second I would have been lucky to be in my seat before the 9th inning.
“When do I get promoted to pharmacist”
A woman who worked at the same place as me who thought that, as a pharmacy tech, she was on the fast track to becomming a pharmacist. Had no idea she’d have to go to school.
I think I’ve heard it said without the umlauts (& with an English “w”) here in the USA, and Wikipedia claims that’s normal.
Once when drunk I tried to order a “case of dill-ahs” at Taco Bell. This caused my friend to exclaim “They sell them by the case now?!”
A friend of mine (who isn’t stupid, but is from a tiny town in Indiana and didn’t know any better) was in D.C. for the first time for a job interview. She went into a bank and asked “Excuse me, is this the Metro?” The security guard pointed her to an escalator across the street, to which my friend said “You mean that HOLE?!”
And, not meaning to imply that people who can’t do math are “amazingly stupid”, but this sort of exchange just makes me feel crazy…
Cashier: You have to choose between the 20% off coupon or $10 off. But 20% is more.
Me: Well, I think my total is about $40, and 20% of 40 is only 8…
Cashier: Yeah, I guess if it’s exactly $40. [She rings up my order] $41.59, so… hmmm…
Me: Well, 20% is a fifth, so as long as my total is less than $50…
Cashier: I guess we should just try both coupons and see which ends up being the better deal.
It turned out $10 off was the better deal
My wife and I were talking to her cousins in Baltimore, MD about when they might come to see us in Denver CO. They had the idea that there’s nothing to do in Denver, so the cousin suggested they could take a “day trip” to see the Grand Canyon (in Arizona) while they were here. I pointed out that the Grand Canyon is over 600 miles away, and it would take more than 12 hours to drive there. Even if we got on the road before dawn, it would be late afternoon just as we arrived.
The only way a trip to the Grand Canyon would make any sense is if we drove a day to get there, spent the night, saw the sights the next day, spent the night again, and drove back. Taking three days out of a one-week vacation to see us did not seem cost effective. So I suggested if they want to visit us, come to see us and plan to stay here in Denver. If they want to see the Grand Canyon, make separate travel arrangements to go there directly, rather than plan a “day trip” from Denver.
I was astonished that my wife’s cousin, a teacher, was so unaware of the size of the western states, having lived her whole life on the east coast. I asked her, “Don’t they sell maps in Baltimore?”
During a much later conversation with them, we asked her cousin if they had any plans to visit us soon. Her cousin replied, “I thought you said you don’t want us to come out there?” :smack:
WTF?!?!?!