American Ninja Warrior

Cafe Society
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StarvingButStrong - Well, I’m glad you took the time to chill out, mainly because we are supposed to be chill on the SDMB, and I’d just like to confirm, that, you did, in fact, completely miss the point. :stuck_out_tongue: Said point being, how reality TV operates.

Let’s use, oh, Spartan Ultimate Team Challenge as an example. Have you ever seen a single, childless woman who never had to conquer some massive personal hardship on that one? One of the profiles was a woman who gained a lot of weight after birth and developed a terrible body image. Really? Now, this in itself wouldn’t be especially egregious (and in fairness, there’s plenty of airtime given to fathers as well), but…well…these are jocks. Maybe not at the level of the NFL, but they engage in intense physical conditioning and spend countless hours training with the other team members to make sure they’re ready for whatever the course throws at them. (Look at what everyone has to do to get over the Slip Wall. That’s not happening without lots of intense, intimate practice, I assure you.) That kind of lifestyle doesn’t allow a whole lot of time or energy for child rearing or romance. I mean, how many of these profiles have you ever seen for WNBA players? Olympic gymnasts? Has Michelle Wie ever had a boyfriend? Danica Patrick? Lindsey Davenport?

Getting back to NW, there is plenty of personal stuff with the men, but see, there’s a variety. That’s why I always found Cityfinals the most entertaining time, because it only had competitors good enough to get through qualifying, nearly all male, very few of whose personal tales had any level of treacle or mush, and so NBC had no choice but to go well outside the box. “Hey look, this guy is into skateboarding!” “Hey look, this guy is really good at building obstacles because he took wood shop in high school!” “Hey look, this guy eats nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the day of competition!” And often it was as simple as “He wants to do better this time”. When it’s someone who’s been around for a long time, the profiles could actually get quite revealing as they followed the man through the years; we’ve seen this with David Rodriguez*, Kevin Bull, Brent Steffensen, Joe Moravsky, and Drew Dreschel, among others. In contrast, after three years, have we learned anything about Meagan Martin other than “former gymnast” and “much girlier than she looks”?

And just so we’re clear, no, I’m not for it at all. Kind of disgusted by it, really. But that’s just the reality of reality TV, and as long as I get to see remarkable athletic feats in an honest, positive environment, I’ll take the bad with the good.

everyone - Did watch LA qualifying; didn’t say anything because, well, I don’t have a whole lot to say about prelims at this point. I do feel compelled to comment on the new rule that the top 5 women get automatic passes to Cityfinals. I…think this could work. Mainly it depends on 1. who gets an automatic pass to Stage 1, if anybody, and 2. how wildcards are handled now. I’m not seeing a sudden influx of Supergirls clearing or almost clearing Stage 1, but it could lead to a more interesting, less sausagefactorious (I know that isn’t a real word! I don’t care! :D) Cityfinals round. We’ll see.

  • One more time: Did he or did he not legally change his first name to “Flip”? Geez, when Prince changed his name, it was freaking national news. I’d think this would’ve warranted at least a quick mention.
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As I mentioned before, the trouble with trying to follow these athletes is that most of them hardly get any face time. They compete in an event where one tiny mistake, at any time, ends their participation for an entire year. In recent times there have been other events that offer more exposure, but only a limited selection gets to compete in them. And then of course there is (ahem) reality TV’s pick-‘n-choose-what-we’re-supposed-to-care-about paradigm in full force from start to finish. In short, it is damn rare to have a true breakout star. And in a sport which offers absolutely no concessions for physical limitations, anyone who isn’t a bonafide powerhouse is hampered even more.

Which makes it all the more impressive what Barclay Stockett accomplished. Prior to the recent San Antonio prelim, she was just a face in the crowd. I had a vague sense that she might someday be good, but no more. And then she took on the ridiculous Sky Hooks, which requires two lateral shifts (it was designed by a 7 year old, which the announcers seemed to freaking brag about), and made it through, getting the best result of all women that night. Hell, I guarantee you she would’ve easily hit the buzzer if she hadn’t had to do the even more ridiculous Pipe Fitter, which forbids use of the legs on three of the four poles because the producers apparently just hate everybody now.

And you can bet that Barclay Stockett is a name I’ll now remember. She’s proven herself to be one of the good ones and is definitely one to watch.

Speaking of which… :wink:

TEAM NINJA WARRIOR 2 - FINAL ROUND, FIRST HALF

Think Tank (4-3): Noah Kaufman, Asya Grechka, Matt Wilder
Team Ronin (6-1): J.J. Woods, Tiana Webberley, David “Flip” Rodriguez
Iron Grip (4-3): Nate Burkhalter, Barclay Stockett, Daniel Gil
Storm Team (4-4): Josh Levin, Allyssa Beird, Joe Moravsky

On paper, Team Ronin is a strong favorite, and honestly, the only group here where both the leadoff man and woman have been doing their part. The big question mark is Rodriguez, an inconsistent performer who can turn ice-cold at any time, and he’s up against three very strong rivals. Will another final end in heartbreak for him?

(Oh, about that “Sweet T” nonsense…where the frag did that even COME from?? Lance Pekus is a cowboy, hence Cowboy Ninja. Joe Moravsky is a weather reporter; The Weatherman. Jon Alexis Jr. is kinda tall-ish; The Giant. David Rodriguez does parkour; Flip, and BTW, still open to answers to my question! :D. “Sweet T” sounds like an incredibly half-baked attempt at a pseudo-rapper name to make Webberley sound cool or daring of whatever, and she hardly needs the help. Geez.)

Fifth obstacle: Tire Swing - a series of tires suspended on chains. Each competitor has a different tire for the first three, while the last is shared by both (although it’s very close to the landing area and most probably won’t need it).

Ninth obstacle is the same as in the play-in round, Final Climb.

= 1st match: Think Tank vs. Team Ronin =
__L: Kaufman vs. Woods - Both are nearly even through Sonic Swing. Kaufman gets caught in the first gap and Woods the second; Woods slips out, dances briefly on the edge of the landing area, and charges on. Kaufman quickly catches up but takes water on Swing Jump. Woods skips through Floating Tiles; Kaufman midhops but can’t make up ground. On to the tires, and Kaufman gets a quicker start, but Woods has better control. They both dismount from the third tire; Woods is a bit faster and wins by a comfortable margin. Woods/finish
__W: Grechka vs. Webberley - (What the hell about her says “sweet”, anyway? Natalie Duran, yes. Michelle Warnky, I could picture it. Webberley looks like something out of a Mortal Kombat game.) Both hit the second gap; Webberley has much better command of this obstacle and opens up a small lead. Grechka has trouble with the Swing Jump transition and makes an impressive splash. But she avoids disaster on the tiles, and Webberley, who’s no speed demon, sees her lead nearly evaporate going into Tire Swing. Alas, any hope of a photo finish vanishes when Grechka gets on the first tire…and, after a lot of fumbling, never gets off it. Webberley slaps yet another buzzer unopposed, and Grechka meekly steps back on the starting platform. Damning! :wink: Webberley/finish
__A: Wilder vs. Rodriguez - Rodriguez gets caught in the second gap but quickly fights his way out. Wilder is clean through Ring of Fire but makes an awkward one-footed landing (it looked for a while that his foot got trapped between the cushions). Wilder maintains a small lead all the way through the tires and is slightly ahead going to the wall. It looks like Rodriguez actually makes up a little ground, but it’s not enough; Wilder by about two seconds. What a heartbreaker for the sentimental favorite who learned from his mistakes and still missed it by three or four that much-es. Wilder/finish

We all know exactly where this is headed, so let’s just get this over with…

__T: Wilder vs. Woods - I really like seeing battles of the undefeateds; this is where we really separate the men from the boys. (Note: By “boys” I mean “competitors, most but not all male, who only have perfect records due to inferior competition. Not a racial thing.) Woods has a slight lead going to the ring. Both land in the second gap and go for the dismount. Woods does an impressive 360 and lands awkwardly but stays on the mat…and Wilder ends up in the water! Wait…he’s allowed to continue? I guess…Woods, undeterred, heads for the net…and it becomes academic as Wilder slips completely off the rope and gets completely submerged. Woods/distance
TEAM RONIN WINS

Wait…“repeat of Labreckfast Club vs. Superhero Squad in play-ins” wasn’t…ah, screw it. :stuck_out_tongue: And now all of a sudden it’s Think Tank that has their backs to the wall; the competition is a lot tougher and Wilder has now shown that he’s not indestructible.

Okay, I got it now…as long as your hands are on the landing area, you can continue. Apparently being dunked up to your waist now counts as “incidental contact”. :rolleyes:

= 2nd match: Iron Grip vs. Storm Team =
__L: Burkhalter vs. Levin - Both men are fast and smooth through three obstacles and hit Floating Tiles at the same time. Neither backs down an inch and they race through side by side. We’ve seen duels at the tiles before, and like more conventional duels, they invariably end with someone hitting the deck. Levin is a shade quicker and Burkhalter pays the price, falling on the cables. He reaches out with his right hand to the landing area and stays up, but he’s unable to recover, and Levin closes the deal unopposed. Levin/finish

Oh crap. Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Oh CRAP. Burkhalter is hurt. There’s already a cloth around his right shoulder, and he is in obvious pain. The replay shows that he dislocated his shoulder while trying to pull himself up. Luckily Noah Kaufman is kind enough to complete the treatment (dang, seems like he’s always in the right place in the right time, isn’t he?). Eyes puts the best possible spin on it, saying Burkhalter “may not be able to continue” and “we’ll have more on his status as we get it”, but it’s plainly obvious that he’s toast. In the first event and College Madness, there was a grand total of one injury, to Jake Murray, and after sitting out one relay he was able to return to action and ultimately hoist the trophy. Now we’ve had four competitors pull out, and none were able to return. We’re looking at early-UFC level carnage here, and yes, I’m hoping like hell that we won’t see a repeat of UFC 3 or 11.

__W: Stockett vs. Beird - Was not expecting this one to be this good! :slight_smile: Stockett gets caught in the first gap but avoids the second and smoothly dismounts; Beird struggles with the second and surrenders the lead. Which Stockett promptly throws away after missing the first transition on Swing Jump. Beird manages it no problem but splashes down. Wet feet aren’t a huge liability on Floating Tiles as long as you’re careful, but they can be deadly on Warped Wall. Stockett is first on Floating Tiles and looks smooth until the last solo, where she misjudges the distance for no clear reason, landing on the cables, and has to pick herself up. Beird handles the tiles easily but comes up short on the dismount and nearly falls as well. On to the tires, where Stockett is having lots of trouble due to her height; she just can’t reach the next one. She kicks the next tire, to no discernible effect. Beird makes the first transition, and Stockett, realizing she has to get moving, turns around, locks her feet around the tire, and reaches for the next one! Amazingly this works, which of course means that we’re going to see it in every single goddam profile about her for the next thirty years. :mad: But Beird, meanwhile, has made the third transition, and she proceeds right to the big solo tire. Stockett is on the third tire and goes for the dismount, making it. Beird had stopped to wipe her shoes, but she commits when she sees Stockett blow by her. They go up…and sure enough, Beird slips and slides and slurps and slags to defeat. Stockett has both hands on her forehead at the top, as if she can’t believe she pulled it off, and I’m sure a lot of viewers are in complete agreement. Stockett/finish

And win one for the gipper bla-de-bla etc.

__A: Gil vs. Moravsky - M… <FWWWOOOOOOSSSSHH> …damn, that was fast. :eek: Moravsky/finish
STORM TEAM WINS

Storm Team looks to be firmly in the driver’s seat. As long as Beird doesn’t fall into bad old habits, it’s looking like a straight shot to the relay.

Scott Willson steps in for the wounded Burkhalter. He’s known as the Chess Ninja. No explanation required, I hope.

= 3rd match: Iron Grip vs. Team Ronin =
__L: Willson vs. Woods - Welcome to your baptism of fire, greenhorn! Hope it isn’t…aw, jeez. Willson pulls of a somewhat awkward but still successful second-gap dismount, while Woods, who’s definitely feeling the pressure now, struggles out of the gap and lands straight in the water. He’s not out yet because of that hands-on-the-landing thingy, but it’s pretty much a lost cause now. Willson soldiers on, trips up on Floating Tiles but stays dry, and sets a very good pace through the tires, and even though Woods incredibly gets up the wall despite being wet enough for a Slip-‘n-Slide, it’s far too late. Guess a baptism of fire isn’t so bad if your opponent takes plenty of water, eh? (I’ve been reaching all damn season, I’m not going to stop now. :wink: ) Willson/finish
__W: Stockett vs. Webberley - (And just why the hell would any jock want a handle like “sweet”, anyway? Sports is about beating the other guy. About taking down the opponent. About DEFEATING. Not looking all cute and pretty and adorable.) It’s hard-fought at the beginning, Stockett taking the early lead as Webberley crouches on the Sonic Swing platform for no apparent reason, Webberley pulling ahead as they both make second gap dismounts, and Stockett being a tick faster out of Swing Jump but taking a little water. She’s the first to the tiles and bounds through them, and Webberley, incredibly, hesitates, allowing Stockett a sizable lead on the first tire. Stockett has a better handle on this upper-body test this time and is making very good progress; Webberley…fights…to catch up…but it’s not enough! Stockett lands from the third tire and charges to victory, and Webberley has to face the cold realization that she’s not the best for the first time. Dang, the ladies are putting on a clinic today! Stockett/finish
__A: Gil vs. Rodriguez - You know how some playoff teams are capable of flashes of greatness but are either streaky or have serious flaws and therefore don’t have any realistic chance of winning the championship, and they reach a point where the series could go either way, and if you’re a fan you’re wondering if it’s better for them to lose that series in a close one or prevail but get demolished the team they face in the next round? I’m pretty sure Rodriguez, who now has the utterly impossible task of taking two off of one of the strongest TNW anchors ever, is facing that dilemma right now. Flip is ever so briefly ahead after Ring of Fire, but Gil takes the lead right back on Swing Jump, and the rest of his coffin-nailing run is mercifully quick. Gil/finish
IRON GRIP WINS

Oh look, we’ve managed to go one entire flippin’ day without a steal. Seriously, if Esquire isn’t taking a long, hard look at providing a real advantage to winning the first round, THEY SHOULD.

Dunno why I didn’t notice before now, but Gil sounds a lot like Richard Simmons. I’d never expect anyone with that kind of voice to be such a force. :slight_smile:

= 4th match: Think Tank vs. Storm Team =
__L: Kaufman vs. Levin - Levin is much faster out of the blocks and soon has a fairly big lead over Kaufman, which becomes a very big lead after he makes a second gap dismount and Kaufman gets snared by the first gap. It’s over soon after when Kaufman takes a dip on Swing Jump; Levin was already on the tires by then. Levin/distance

Levin seems to keep getting stronger as the contest progresses; after two frustrating defeats, he looks all but unstoppable. And…he looks back at where Kaufman fell, then forward, and…yep, he’s going for the wall! And gets it easily natch.

__W: Grechka vs. Beird - Grechka pulls off a harrowing second gap dismount while Beird gets hung up. Both women get their feet wet on the net, and the gap stays the same. Grechka makes an awkward but successful trip through the tiles; Beird hesitates a bit before starting, falls at the end, but doesn’t go in. Now Grechka is on the first tire, the exact same place where her last run ground to a halt. She fares better this time, getting to the second tire and then…flailing. Beird passes her and gets to the solo tire first, and she’s through. Grechka finally finds the third tire but whiffs on the fourth, and Beird looks almost nonchalant as she puts that all-important first notch on her belt. Beird/finish
__A: Wilder vs. Moravsky - Dang, Wilder looks absolutely whipped, and I don’t blame him. If taking beating Gil twice is eating a mountain, beating Moravsky twice is eating twenty mountains, three islands, and the better part of a peninsula. Moravsky leaves his hapless, hopeless foe completely in the dust through three obstacles and checks up a bit on the tiles but is still well ahead by Tire Swing. Wilder…jumps right for the second tire! Incredible heart from an anchor who’s never lacked for it; alas, he’s short by inches and takes the final plunge. Moravsky completes the tires, hesitates a bit, then goes up the wall because, hey, it’s right there, y’know? Moravsky/distance
STORM TEAM WINS

Storm Team caps it off with a resounding sweep and proves the difference between a team with a great anchor and…uh, a team with a super-great anchor and a really good leadoff man. Hey, given the quality of the leadoff men this season, that’s something!

On a related note…not sure anyone cares and/or is paying attention, but since this board doesn’t allow editing of posts long after the fact, I’d like to rescind my MVP pick of Neil Craver in the first prelim. Yeah, I always wanted one of each and never realize that this season would make that…really difficult. It’s just my opinion, of course, so I figure it’s no big deal. So McCartney, Duran. Whew. Load off my chest.

= Final: Iron Grip (Stockett, Willson, Gil) vs. Storm Team (Beird, Moravsky, Levin) ==
Bodge gives the edge to Storm Team based on how Levin and Moravsky have performed today, and it’s hard to argue with that. His partner mentions the “X factor” of Stockett and claims “if she gets out to a big lead, then Iron Grip may have a shot”. Hmm…a woman horribly bungling in the relay can nuke her team’s chances (like Beird nearly did last time); I don’t think it works the other way, Eyes.

Anyway…Beird gets off to a nice start and is nearly even going into Ring of Fire. Stockett does a second gap dismount…and so does Beird! Stockett recovers more quickly and is the first to the net, and Beird…swings…has a hand on…is on the net…makes a huge splash…but holds on! (Man, her heart had to have skipped five or six beats right about then…) Stockett makes the tag first, but only by about a couple seconds, and we have a contest, folks!

Willson midhops like a champion kangaroo, and Moravsky, of all people, is struggling to keep up. Willson is on the first tire, then…did you see THAT?? Moravsky is on the first two tires like a Donkey Kong Jr. TAS, and yes, I do strongly recommend you look it up! :slight_smile: But Willson doesn’t lose a step and rockets up the wall, making the tag about a second and half ahead of Moravsky.

Gil hesitates a bit before starting the ladder. Levin starts off fairly slow but really picks up the pace after the third rung, and he’s just a hair behind going into the globes. *Gil whiffs on a globe…*but recovers with incredible speed and maintains his razor-thin lead…but then Levin completes the second transition faster and pulls ahead! And Levin is first to the rope! While not the same obstacle, this is exactly the spot where Gil gassed out, the only relay winner to do so; does he have enough left in the tank this time? Levin is slightly ahead…Levin starts to pull away…Gil closes…Levin pulls away…Gil closes…Gil makes a surge…Gil…Gil…

…can’t do it. Makes it to the top, but it’s over by then, and not that close.
STORM TEAM WINS

Last time Joe Moravsky put his cousin in the leadoff and was rewarded with four embarrassing losses and no hope of countering Brian Arnold in crunch time. Now he has a hard-charging fireball who just faced the Iron Bully eye to eye and came out on top, and all of a sudden he’s one step away from the gold. I’ll admit, I never pegged this team as champions, but now it’s looking that they have as much of a chance as anyone in the lower half.

MVP picks: Levin, Stockett, Moravsky. Damn, it feels good to have an easy one for a change! Was a bit worried after Burkhalter dropped out.

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Joe Moravsky is just off the charts compared to just about everyone else.

I assume his individual record is head and shoulders better than anyone else’s. Is Michelle Warnky also lifetime undefeated, but with fewer runs?

No big surprised on this week’s ANW. All the experienced veterans who we expected to complete the course easily completed the course easily, and most of the people with inspirational stories failed, as expected.

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As it just so happened, I took the trouble to finish compiling records earlier today. (No great effort, honestly…I’ve been working with spreadsheets for decades and I’m too stressed out from work to go shopping.)

As far as records go, I look at the “hard differential” (wins minus losses) first, then win percentage. So, for example, 5-2 is better than 2-0 but worse than 4-1. Moravsky, thanks in large part to following up an impressive grand slam in the 5th prelim with convincing wins over Matt Wilder and Daniel Gil (that alone should get some kind of award!) in the final, is 9-2 all time. He’s assured of being alone on top unless either Travis Rosen (5-1) or James McGrath (4-0) runs the table in the final, which looks highly unlikely. On the female side, Warnky is riding high with an 8-0 mark, with none of the four remaining women even close. Meagan Martin is second all-time at 6-0, the recently-ousted Tiana Webberly third at 7-1, and Kacy Catanzaro and Jesse Labreck tied for fourth at 4-0. And yes, I am looking forward to the time when the stars will finally align and they’ll face each other for supremacy. Good gravy, never being able to see Ken Shamrock vs. Tank Abbott was enough of a bummer. :slight_smile:

As for the “regular” contest…yeah, it’s been like that for a while. The thing is, these sob stories have always existed, and they always went out early for the simple reason that the vast majority of contestants always go out early. No joke, it really is that blankety-blankin’ hard. In the early days, G4, being primarily a video game channel, favored the contestants with flash, color and flair (bonus points if they actually looked like they came from a video game). You got to see the Spartans, the wizards, the firebreathers, the costumed heroes (hello, Jamie Rahn!), the goofballs, the totally radical thrashers, etc. But then G4 collapsed into nonexistence and NBC siezed the crown, and the laws of reality TV and non-big money sports took COMPLETE control. Before you’d see an occasional tragedy or inspirational tale; now you hardly see anything but.

Me, I’m resigned to the fact that this is just how the world works these days, and it’ll probably only get worse in the future. So I’m just going to put up with it as best as I can. (Hands off my Cityfinals, though!)

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I got some ideas for ways to improve TNW, but that can wait…

TEAM NINJA WARRIOR 2 - FINAL ROUND, SECOND HALF

Real Life Beasts (5-2): James “The Beast” McGrath, Erica Cook, Drew Dreschel
Team TNT (5-1): Brett Sims, Marybeth Wang, Travis Rosen
Norcal Ninjas WC (8-4): Sean Bryan, Anna Shumaker, David Campbell
Golden Hearts (5-2): Grant McCartney, Natalie Duran, Neil Craver

Looks like anyone’s game, and it could very well be decided by the luck of the draw. (I can’t even say anything about Golden Hearts…its seems like an eternity since I last saw them.)

Course is unchanged from last week.

= 1st match: Real Life Beasts vs. Team TNT =
__L: McGrath vs. Sims - Battle of the undefeateds! Hey, 2-0 counts as undefeated, shut up! :slight_smile: Both men look strong early on, getting through Ring of Fire completely clean; McGrath takes the early lead. He gets to the tiles first and the lead stays the same. On the tires, Sims makes the first transition superfast and briefly has the lead. Sadly, any chance of a wall shootout ends when he misses the second transition, then misses again. Mistakes like these do not go unpunished in the final, and McGrath…good lord, is he rubbing it in? Could be bad karma, pal. McGrath/finish
__W: Cook vs. Wang - Cook briefly has the lead before getting caught in the first gap, Wang gets caught in the second and goes for the dismount…ooh, that was close! Wang struggles a bit on the net; Cook manages a second-gap dismount and is able to close the gap a little. Wang is the first to the…what the hell is she waiting for, a green light?? Seriously, she just stops and waits for absolutely no reason I could see. Cook catches up but checks up a bit before starting, and Wang is on the first right tile. Cook goes for it, and at this point you know this will end badly for somebody. Well, make that two somebodies, as both women hit the last solo tile at the same time, which throws them both off and sends them down. Wang gets away with, if not murder, than at least assault with a deadly weapon. Wang/speed
__A: Dreschel vs. Rosen - He did that with a broken wrist? :eek: No drama here, sadly. Rosen hits the first gap, takes way too long to get out, and promptly lands in the second gap. Dreschel reaching the landing area of Floating Tiles from the left tile on the second pair was the icing on the cake. At one point he glanced back, as if thinking “Wait, the final’s supposed to be harder than this! I don’t care if this is the stupid pointless meaningless exhibition round!” :smiley: Dreschel/finish
REAL LIFE BEASTS WINS

= 2nd match: Norcal Ninjas vs. Golden Hearts =
__L: Bryan vs. McCartney - The runs are virtual mirrors of each other; both men make second-gap dismounts and midhop. Bryan is just a little more powerful and edges his very tenacious foe. Bryan/finish
__W: Shumaker vs. Duran - Duran takes the early lead. Both women hit the second gap, but while it looks like Duran could make a second-gap dismount, she doesn’t. Shumaker does and surges ahead. Duran…can’t get out of the gap! She finally does, but Shumaker is nearly at the tiles by then. She’s through the tiles…and misses the last solo, falling on the landing platform! She somehow manages to avoid going in, but she’s burned up a lot of time and both her feet have hit water. Duran, however, isn’t a speed demon and has trouble catching up. Shumaker gets on the first tire. Duran is still well behind. Shumaker…remains on the first tire; it seems like she can’t figure this out. Duran finally catches up, and Shumaker finally sees the urgency and makes the first transition. It’s neck and neck on the tires! Both make it to the third, and it looks like they’re both going to disregard that big solo and just go for it. Shumaker finds her courage and lands, but her right foot splashes again. Duran takes a long time to commit; she stays dry but lands hard on her side. Shumaker is the first to the wall…and…spends a lot of time wiping her feet. Duran passes her and goes to the wall, while Shumaker goes…and…stops after a couple of steps! Duran completes the victory jaw-pull, and Shumaker has a lot to explain. Duran/finish
__A: Campbell vs. Craver - Craver is faster through two obstacles but misses the first Swing Jump transition, then barely gets a foot on the net the second time. And that’ll do it, as Campbell bounds through Floating Tiles and nev…

…WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?? Campbell jumps to the first tire, completely fails to get a grip, and goes straight down! Bodge calls it an “unforced error” (yes, he used the same terminology as me, it was that bad! :)). That’s something you never want to do in the final, let your opponent know exactly what he has to do beat you with all the time in the world.

All right now. Craver didn’t have much luck in the first prelim, but now he’s caught a huge break; it’s put up or shut up time now. He handles Floating Tiles without any problem. He’s on the first tire. He’s on the second tire. He’s on the third tire. He’s going to try to stick the dagger in right there…and does! The aggravating primate’s finally off his back, and it couldn’t have happened at a better time. Craver/distance
GOLDEN HEARTS WINS

Today seems to be feast or famine: either a textbook, fast, clean run or an inexplicable boondoggle, nothing in between. I’m actually kinda rooting against Norcal Ninjas right now; Sean Bryan is clearly a much stronger competitor than Brian Kretsch, and that they were able to not only swap in a ringer but ride him all the way to the final rubs me the wrong way. I’ll bet David Campbell is wondering why he didn’t go with Bryan in the first place. I’m sure a lot of football fans in the general area of Boston can relate. :smiley:

= 3rd match: Real Life Beasts vs. Norcal Ninjas =
__L: McGrath vs. Bryan - Bryan is as strong as McGrath but not quite as nimble, and the extra fractions of seconds on the exits make all the difference. McGrath tauntingly walks to the buzzer again, and that just has to bite him in the butt later, right? Right? McGrath/finish
__W: Cook vs. Shumaker - Shumaker gets to Ring of Fire first, but Cook is the first one out. They both make second gap dismounts…Cook is down! Shumaker gets on the swing, looks back, completes the obstacle, and gracious accepts the freebie. Shumaker/distance

Cook is in tremendous pain and needs to be helped off the course. Just for the record, that’s the fifth competitor who’s had to withdraw due to injury this event. Ye gods. The replay showed what happened; she landed on her feet much too firmly, which put incredible strain on her knees, and I can speak from experience that nothing good ever comes from that. (Bodge speculates that her right knee was hyperextended.) Cook! Fall, tumble, roll, spread the impact around! This isn’t gymnastics, you don’t have to stick the landing! It’s okay to “look stupid”! You think anyone’s giving Melanie Huang crap besides the usual gang of YouTube morons? You’ve done this enough times, this should be automatic by now!

__A: Dreschel vs. Campbell - Campbell avoids repeating his blunder on Tire Swing, but unfortunately he’s just a little too old for this. Dreschel takes a hard landing off the tires, but rolls safely (see, that’s how it’s done! :)), and the rest is very fast history. Dreschel/finish
REAL LIFE BEATS WINS

And Campbell lifts his foe by the waist and holds his hand for some reason. Must be one of those "if it can’t be me, it should be you” things. That’s nice.

Sarah Schoback, who was on Ninja Brittens, steps in as alternate for Cook, and the specter of UFC 3 just looms larger and larger.

= 4th match: Team TNT vs. Golden Hearts =
Leadoff/anchor swap for Golden Hearts, apparently because the rest of the team doesn’t think Craver deserves the anchor spot anymore. Harsh, but I can’t really disagree.
__L: Sims vs. Craver - Craver is much faster through Ring of Fire and has a commanding lead…and instantly blows it by missing the transition to the net. Yes, again. He follows up by dunking up to his waist, and Sims jumps out ahead. Craver actually retakes the lead going into Floating Tiles, but Sims gets a quicker start and completes it first. Sims completes the tires first and goes right up the wall, and although Craver amazingly gets up on the first crack despite his entire lower half being soaked to the skin, it’s not enough. Sims/finish
__W: Wang vs. Duran - Some women’s heats you pretty much know who’s going to win before they even begin. Wang has to know she’s hopelessly overmatched here and just wants to make it as close to a contest as possible. She looks good early on, being only slightly behind going into Swing Jump, but when they both hit the second gap, Duran makes a clean dismount while Wang doesn’t have the momentum and has to fight her way out. Duran is already past the net by the time Wang begins. Duran pauses briefly to size up the tiles, then bounds nimbly through, not even a little unbalanced. Duran almost gingerly reaches for the first tire before beginning. Wang is tentative through the tiles and falls at the end, saving herself but losing even more time. That’s the final blow, as Duran takes a big swing from the third tire and lands cl…

NO! NO WAY! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! Duran…who had a big lead and could’ve taken the solo tire for a simpler dismount, lands hard on her right foot and immediately grabs it. She doesn’t get up. That makes six…six withdrawals due to injury, and the second on the same day. Duran! You’re a woman! It is biologically impossible for you to be macho! I know I said something to this effect before! It’s starting to get tiresome! :mad:

Wang is at the start of Tire Swing. She knows that nothing less than a successful buzzer-compression will give her the win, but under next to no pressure. She looks at her fallen adversary; there’s a look of worry, or perhaps even guilt, on her face, as if to say “No…not like this, dammit!” But she knows her team is depending on her, so after McCartney removes Duran, she begins. One tire…two tires…three tires…going for the dismount, all reason to the contrary…LANDS NEARLY VERTICALLY!!..and is fine. Well, it’s just her and the wall now with all the time in the world, so you know the garbage that’s…whoa, that is the fastest bee dah waw chant I’ve ever heard! Sense of urgency, want to put this disaster behind them, perhaps? Wang goes up…gets the right hand up…then the left. I’m not entirely sure whether to peg this as “finish” or “distance”; technically it’s both. Ah, well, minor point, all things considered. Wang/distance + finish

__A: Rosen vs. McCartney - I mentioned this before: one of the worst things in sports is when your team reaches a point where the opposition is just too strong, and the terrible sense of doom kicks in as you see the season slipping away. I’m definitely not envying McCartney right now (heck, he’s not even supposed to be the anchor!). He quickly gets caught in the first Ring of Fire gap, and Rosen wastes no time going Roadrunner on him. In a virtual repeat of Matt Wilder’s Last Stand, McCartney leaps right for the second tire and comes up short, leaving an pretty droplet pattern on the camera. Rosen/distance
TEAM TNT WINS

Hey, I need to go back and look at how many days we’ve had without a single tiebreaker. That’s awfully rare.

Golden Hearts is out, so we’re spared the indignity of having two female alternates in the final, which would have been simply too much. (Actually IMO one is too much, but two is way, way too-too too much.)

Two powerful team generals duke it out for a shot at the gold. Both have much stronger teams under them this time; the wild card could be Schoback. Will she catch fire like Sean Bryan, or will she crumble under the pressure and torpedo her team’s chances? Oh, wait, the women can’t have a huge positive impact on the team. I mentioned that already. All right, change the first item to “look surprisingly not-incompetent like, uh, geez, I dunno, Selena Laniel?” :stuck_out_tongue:

= Final: Team TNT (Wang, Rosen, Sims) vs. Real Life Beasts (Schoback, McGrath, Dreschel) ==
Schoback gets unbalanced on the second rope of Sonic Swing. Wang is in the lead but gets hung up in the second gap. Schoback hits the first g…

** SPLOOOOSHH **

Yep, hard jolt, couldn’t hang on. Okay…I’m going to be lenient this time because it’s not like she asked to be thrust into the limelight with about five minutes’ notice. But you still hate to see such a pivotal match have this happen. And that’s all she wrote for Real Life Beasts. McGrath and Dreschel run and swing and climb their hearts out to the bitter end, but Rosen and Sims are stone-cold powerhouses and they’re not going to let their opponents back in it. Sims is at the 15’ mark on the rope by the time Dreschel begins; we’ve been here before, and there’s only one way this ends.
TEAM TNT WINS

MVP picks: McGrath, Dreschel. Not their fault Cook made a bad decision and saddled them with a hopeless rookie. Not even considering a women’s pick; that would be just cruel at this point.

So now Travis Rosen is one heartbeat away from the gold for the second time in as many events. He’s far from the best anchor and yet always seems to prevail when it matters. But Joe Moravsky has been on another level all season. The last time they met was in the relay of the first prelim of the inaugural TNW. Rosen won that duel, but everything has infinitely more portent now.

It’s titan vs. titan, nine obstacles to decide it all…

=== Championship match: Team TNT (Wang, Sims, Rosen) vs. Storm Team (Beird, Moravsky, Levin) ===
Beird handles the second swing better and takes the early lead. She gets caught in the second gap; Wang in the first. Beird goes for the dismount; it’s close, but she’s through. Wang…

** SPLOOOOSHH **

:smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack: No. Dear FSM, no. Not here. Not now. Not again. Rrrrrrgggg. :smack:

Blah blah it’s over blah blah no miracle blah blah give it up already Eyes blah blah already at the goddam 30’ mark blah.

Mistakes leading to one-sided massacres 2, thrilling photo finishes 0. :frowning:
STORM TEAM WINS

Overall MVP pick: Joe Moravsky. Like, who the hell else was it going to be. 6-0 folks…count ‘em! Faced some of the fastest, fittest, fiercest anchors this event has ever seen and ground them into hamburger. Take any star jock’s period of absolute domination…the Tiger Slam, Bill Elliott in the 80’s, Mike Tyson’s early career, Nadia Comaneci’s perfect tens, Michael Phelps from his first gold medal to his last. This was on par with all of those.

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Dang, how the hell did this sink all the way to the third page? Are the prelims that inane and pointless? Well, okay, they absolutely are, but not even a blurb? Ah well. Just felt like bumping this before tonight’s episode. A few observations, in no particular order:

  • I’m pretty ambivalent about women having a very large presence in this. When it was just a few powerhouses, there was a definite “Wow, cool!” factor when someone made it. Remember the first time Kacy Catanzaro went up the wall? It was electrifying. Now the narrative is that women are strong and capable and compete with men, which leads to expectations, which are absolute DOOM when it comes to getting any enjoyment out of a sport. Add this to the fact that…dear Eirin, I cannot believe I’m going to say this again…the top women are always going to get overshadowed by the top men for biological reasons they have absolutely no control over (Seriously, did we learn nothing from Graff vs. Arnold?), so pretending they’re on the same level just adds needless pressure and gives ammo to the MRA twerps. And no one with an ounce of sense ever wants to give ammo tot he MRA twerps.

  • On top of that is the fact that we still do not have that many really good women. The prelims are training camp. It’s Cityfinals that separates the men from the boys, and thus far nearly the entire female contingent (including the much-ballyhooed “fantastic four”) have come up well short. It speaks volumes that NBC is now giving the women 5 automatic berths per city, as the current shows demands a female presence and this was the only way for them to have one. Maybe Jesse Labreck and Tiana Webberley and Alyssa Beird can have huge star turns, and maybe Meagan Martin can catch a second wind, but it looks unlikely.

  • An egalitarian ANW is nice, but in my opinion, the only truly positive outcome would be if this eventually increases opportunities for women in professional, paying sports. It’s easy to preach enlightenment and strong women when you don’t have to shell out a cent. Let the girls have a look at feats of strength, speed, agility, and determination they can someday make a living at.

  • Really, really hoping this “hold on tight” nonsense dies a quiet, painless, and, most importantly, QUICK death. Inserting dumb chants into anything and everything is a hallmark of professional wrestling, and I wouldn’t wish that dark path on Dancing With The Stars, much less a show I actually enjoy watching most of the time.

  • We’ve seen Stage 3-worthy obstacles in Cityfinals before, but I-Beam Gap in quallies? Spider Flip was an easier version of this, and it’s a Stage 3 mainstay. Sure, Brian Arnold had no trouble with it. That’s because he’s an awesome athlete who demolished Stages 1 and 2. I’m a bit morbidly curious to see how high they can go. The biggest downside I can see is that it’s going to take a lot longer for even the best to get through, meaning fewer shown runs. That’s why I appreciate having Team Ninja Warrior; it’s cathartic to watch the best of the best have free rein to go full speed.

  • This is what I’ve been fearing for some time. Remember that the sole reason for keeping the Olympics amateur (which, for those of you who just joined in, ended a long, long, long time ago) was to allow the elite class who had other sources of income or were independently wealthy to dominate, and I fear seeing the same thing happen with this.

  • I understand that NBC wants maudlin stories, but I really think everyone needs to draw the line at dead children. Just too thick if you ask me. And for that matter, what about the two daughters who are still alive and growing and developing and kinda need their mother in the here and now? Fingers crossed that this doesn’t turn into even more tragedy.

  • One of these days I’d like to see something about Jesse Labreck that focuses on one person: JESSE LABRECK. Am the only one a bit disturbed that she is defined entirely, entirely by those around her? What are her desires? What was her childhood like? What is she getting out of ANW? What turns her on and off? Who loves her, cares for her, would move Heaven and Earth for her? I understand what the big stories are, but she has a soul too, dammit!

  • All right, someone has to say it, may as well be me: It’s really weird seeing Mike Bernardo speak so calmly and eloquently about his father’s battles with pancreatic cancer and then point in a random direction and bellow “LEZZZOCREEBLLEEEEHHHHH!!”

See y’all again in a few hours.

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It’s partly that you’re a victim of your own success… you’ve become such a verbose and constant poster in these threads, that I often just think “OK, well, I’ll wait for DKW to post, and then I’ll respond” :slight_smile:

I think they’re trying to thread a fine line. I really REALLY respect the fact that the actual competition and judging and obstacles are fixed and unwavering. There’s no women’s course. There’s no short person’s course. There’s no course for amputees. There is just the course, and you succeed and fail.

That said, there’s been a policy for several years of increasing the number of women in Vegas via wildcards, and I don’t really see the new 5-women-to-the-city-finals thing as being much different than that, except that previously it would go:
-Fair number of women in prelims
-Almost zero women in CFs
-Small number of women in Vegas

Now it will go
-Fair number of women in prelims
-Small number of women in CFs
-Small number of women in Vegas

You know, I had precisely the same reaction… but I don’t think it turned out to be as much of a ninja-killer as it looked like. Did it stop a higher percentage of athletes than the “average” obstacle #4 or #5?

(I think that in all the time I’ve been watching ANW, the two most deadly obstacles in either prelims or CFs were cannonball run the year that Kevin Bull famously went inverted, and the wedge last year… in both cases, only two athletes beat that obstacle the entire show. But that’s just off the top of my head.)

One trend I’ve noticed the last couple of years, and certainly this year: Far harder prelim courses, meaning that plenty of athletes make it to CFs who didn’t even make it up the wall. Not sure what the overall stats are recently, but I felt like 3 or 4 years ago, the top 30 was almost all finishers. Now there have been maybe 15 finishers on average? Or even fewer? Not sure what I think about that. Certainly, watching 30 competitors in CFs and half of them don’t even attempt the salmon ladder would be a bit odd.

I do enjoy it when some of the final CF obstacles are just brutal, both because only having small number of finishers makes each one more exciting, and because it really gives people an incentive to need to go fast in case they can’t pass the ninja-killer and it comes down to time.

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Man that handlebar grip. Geez…

Eight finishers, the fewest ever on a qualifier course.
I kinda feel bad for Jake Murray. On the other hand, he really has no one to blame but himself.

In other news, Geoff Britten has, at least for now, retired.

Interesting interview with him. Note that there’s something called the “National Ninja League”, whose first season he won (with Flex LaBreck being the women’s champion), and he’s apparently going to defend his title on that. But it sounds like his passion for ANW isn’t there anymore, and he just doesn’t have time. I watched a few NNL videos. It was vaguely interesting, but the production values were SO cheap compared to ANW, and it was hard to really figure out which videos were which, in which order, yada yada yada. Still, glad to see the sport continuing to spread.

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Whew. I don’t know about you guys, but I am flippin’ DONE with Qualifying. On top of everything else I’ve already mentioned, it’s wall-to-wall relentless positivity. Everything is inspirational and wonderful and good and sweet and lovely, and that bores the crap out of me. Just once I’d like Eyes (he seems to be the slightly less insane one) to say “Ooh, tough break” and leave it at that.

Anyway, the only real story of note in Denver was Meagan Martin, who, regrettably, had her streak of four straight prelim completions broken because it’s gotten too freaking hard. There was an eerie similarity between her exit and Jessie Graff’s, an upper-body destroyer that she jeeeeuuuuhhhsttt didn’t have enough juice to get through, after which the wall would’ve been nothing. It’s too bad, because between Graff, the Jesse Labreck hype machine, all the noise about the “fantastic four”, and the continuing drama of Kacy Catanzaro (and don’t kid yourselves, she’s not going anywhere), Martin’s kinda gotten lost in the shuffle. For reasons completely out of her control, she’s never quite gotten her due, and I’m definitely going to be pulling for her the rest of the way. Oh, and good on NBC for showcasing her new modelling job. They’ve been banging the “surprisingly girly” drum (Translation: “She’s not a vicious thug or a nasty queen bee! She’s one of the good ones! It’s okay to like her! Pleeeeease give her a chance, insecure white guys!”) for so long they wore a damn hole in it, and it’s gratifying that they’re at least treating having an athletic build as a good thing.

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So… first episode of city finals.

(1) They seem like nice enough people, but I’ve gotten a bit sick of Jake Murray and Grant McCartney, so not sad to see them both go out a bit early

(2) Since when does Flip Rodriguez get the 3WA treatment? Oh, right, since Mt. Midoriyama last year. I’m still not on board with this nonsense.

(3) This Papal Ninja guy is no joke. Stupid nickname, but real skills.

(4) OK, we get it, MIT is full of nerds and nerds aren’t good at sports. Ha ha.

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Took me a while to get to the taping…been a fair amount of personal stuff on my mind; won’t bore you with it. Anyway…

As I’ve mentioned a number of times, Cityfinals occupies this uncomfortable no-man’s-land between the free-for-all of prelims, where NBC can cherry-pick the choicest, juiciest stories, and the real contest starting from Stage 1, where the pieces are set and it’s all about who’s good enough to get through. They’re still very much in storyteller mode, but with much slimmer pickings due to, y’know, having a much smaller pool to draw from, and until this season it was actually WORSE than Stage 1 because that was when the wildcards kicked in. In fact, I think the move from wildcards to guaranteed women’s spots was done at least partly to fix this, as making Cityfinals less testosteronal* could really help spice up the soup, as it were.

Going through this week’s selection to see if it worked…

Nick Hanson: Wow, if you come from a village of 750 people, having success on a wildly popular nationally televised reality show really makes you stand out! Whoda thunk?
Natalie Duran: I used to crash red-carpet events. But now…I crash AWARD SHOWS! Hey, NBC said I needed a story and I hate pop rock, get off my case, dammit!
Jackson Meyer: Training for ANW is like my tech job, in that it’s…uh…a lot of work. Yes, that’s all I got! We can’t all be Flip Rodriguez, dammit!
Zhanique Lovett: Despite being one of the strongest female competitors in Los Angeles, not only will all the buzz be about my family, the camera will be on my son for about two-thirds of my run. I have been warned by very powerful and scary-looking men to never be anything less than 100% positive about this!
Gabe Hurtado: My family lost everything in a fire in 2015, so my response was to enter a competition where I’ll have effectively zero chance of making a penny. My hope is that if I do this enough times, it’ll someday make sense. Oh yeah, headband!
Charlie Andrews: Man, you’d never expect someone from a brainy college to be a jock! What a surprise, right? Brains and brawn, you never see that combination! This is a huge surprise! No, seriously, it’s a big, big, big, BIG surprise! I have been warned by very powerful and scary-looking men to never mention Team Ninja Warrior College Madness! Whatever that was!
Rebekah Bonilla: It’s okay, guys, I know a man! I’m not some scary manless ballbuster like Jessie Graff! Oh, and mightykacy mightykacy mightykacy.
Adam Rayl’s mother: Adam is such a good boy for letting me make this promo all about me, me, me…me, me, me, me me…mememememememememmeme…me. Sadly, because I’m not an overemotional spaz, I’ll probably get only one lousy shot during his run. Ah well. Take what I can get.
Sean Bryan: See? See? The Church does more than protect child rapists, deny vital medical prodecures, and squeeze money out of suckers! That totally justifies shoehorning religion into a reality show that God gives even less of a damn about than basketball!
Grant McCartney: I haven’t actually been super-close to total triumph, but I’m going to pretend that I did because I have a royally inflated sense of self-worth. No way is that going to bite me in the butt!

Well, it’s a journey, not a sprint. :slight_smile:

As for the actual Cityfinals…dang, it’s almost scary how good some of these guys are. One year ago Step Slider was an absolute monster; now it’s just a little tricky. In fact the field, as a whole, seems to have improved by leaps and bounds; did anyone go out on the first four obstacles? Considering that this is still overwhelmingly an amateur competition, that’s pretty awesome.

  • Mmm…no, not any better sounding than “sausagefactorious”. Sorry.
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So last night’s big surprise is that the once-upon-a-time power couple of ANW, Brent and Kacy, both acquitted themselves reasonably well… at least, better than their total embarrassments in recent seasons. (I think Brent benefited from the main ninja-killer being a trampoline obstacle, which is a strong point for him.)

Barclay Stockett continues to make her case for being in the discussion of top non-Jessie-Graff women, a much more crowded field than it was just a year ago.

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Yeah I agree with respect to Barclay. I’ve very excited to see how she does in Vegas. I’d love to see her clear level 1 and I think she’s got the ability. The big problem for her is going to be the spider climb due to height.

And you know I’ve said this before, but what I love about this show is that I can cheer for everybody. It is great to see Kacy and Brent do well. I loved seeing quite a few ninjas make it further than they did in qualifiers. I’m sure to an outsider I’d probably seem goofy, but I literally cheer and clap when somebody makes it past what defeated them last time. That’s Sasuke.

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Nate Burkhalter: My job took me to Norway. Which has cold water! And fishing boats! And…mountains! Hey, I never asked to get shipped to a place with no convenient ethnic stereotypes, get off my case!
Sam Ballard: I was unathletic growing up, but because my father is now dying of leukemia, I’ve decide to get in shape to compete in a ridiculously cheesy reality show with no sporting history or prestige, where one tiny mistake knocks me out for the year, and where I’ll never earn a damned penny! Yes, wiseguys, this did, in fact, seem like a good idea at the time!
Karsten Williams: At the last all-stars event, I ruled Super Salmon Ladder. Yes, I understand that it’s a very small part of the regular contest. Let me have my moment, will you?
Thomas Stillings: Hey, everybody, I have a GIRLFRIEND!!! My GIRLFRIEND!!! quit her job to support my ninja gym business. I’m so fortunate to have such a supportive GIRLFRIEND!!!
Jonathan Horton: I was so bummed when I got injured and couldn’t compete in gymnastics in Rio. That’s why I’m glad to be in ANW, because it has a number of obstacles which kinda-sorta vaguely resemble gymnastics apparatus if you squint a bit!
Kacy Catanzaro: I considered quitting ANW. But then I decided not to quit ANW. Also, training buddies. Look, I don’t have a quirky cell in my body and I’m never getting back with Brent Steffensen, just deal with it.
Kenny Niemitalo: My daughter needed a kidney donor or else she wouldn’t live. So I used ANW to search for a kidney donor. For my daughter. So she would live. And, miracle of miracles, we found a kidney donor! Who generously donated her kidney to my daughter! Who got to live! And now I’m dedicating this run to this wonderful, selfless kidney donor who gave a kidney to my daughter so she could life, and now my daughter will be able to see the very woman who donated her a kidney which allowed her to live. Geez, one and a half minutes can’t be this freaking long.
Barclay Stockett: Kacy Catanzaro’s historic 2014 inspired me to be a part of this. And now we’re the best of friends. Figured you’d like something nice and personable for a change.
Brent Steffensen: DEFENDING OUR COUNTRY! HOO RAH! VALOR! COURAGE! HOO RAH! FIGHTING FOR OUR FREEDOM! HOO RAH! KEEP AMERICA SAFE! HOO RAH! HOO RAH! HOO RAH!

Hmm, very feast or famine this week. Neimitalo’s, in particular, was so paint-by-numbers that the cynic in me actually thinks they’re hiding something. Was pleasantly surprised by Stockett’s, mainly to remind everyone that there’s a reason NBC really likes Catanzaro. Plus friendship is always cool.

Checking my notes, in last year’s Cityfinals’ there were 1, 4, 4, 2, and 0 finishers, respectively. So Daniel Gil being the only finisher tonight (that dude’s STRONG) didn’t surprise me at all; that just seems to be the direction this contest is heading. What did surprise me…a little…was that he was the only one who managed Elevator Climb this week, while five handled it no trouble in Los Angeles. Guess it’s the luck of the draw.

Max - See, see, you could’ve said “early exits” or “surprise knockouts” or whatever. I hate terms like “embarrassments”. Embarrassing to who, exactly? You had money on them or something? At some point you just have to accept that crap happens in sports, and even more so when the sport is designed from the ground up to make crap happen.

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I think it’s a reasonable choice of words, for situations where not only does someone do worse than expected, but they do MUCH worse than expected, or fluff something that ought to be quite easy for them.

Brian Arnold failing at the brutal double wedge deep in stage 2 = not embarrassing
Kacy totally missing the mini tramp at the propeller bar early in stage 1 = embarrassing

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Eddy Stewart: Man, I do not like balance obstacles at ALL! Bleah! Bleck!
Josh Butler: Dewey. Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey. God! Braxtil. Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil. Dewey, Braxtil, Dewey. Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Dewey, Dewey, Braxtil. Supernatural healing!
Michael Johnson: I have iiiice in my veeeeiiins. I’m dedicating this run to three women in my life. These three women are the world to me. I have iiiice in my veeeeiiins. These three women have played such an important role in my life. These three women were instrumental in putting iiiice in my veeeeiiins.
Emily Durham: I was an elite wakeboarder for 16 years, and now I’m in the Cityfinals of ANW. I also have two children who I love very much. That proves that if you have two kids but aren’t a star jock, you are a complete loser. And vice versa, of course! SUCK IT, GRAFF!
Rigen Henry: I have long curly hair and like to scream a nonsense word every so often! This is extraordinarily bizarre behavior for someone on an American reality show in 2017! (Aisde: Eyes…look…I know you’re not particularly knowledgable about…well, anything, really, but could you at least try to come up with a better reference than a trashy comedy from 35 years ago?)
Kevin Carbone: Hey, I designed the third obstacle! Because I’m so proud of that fact, I’m going to make an absolutely bizarre metaphor involving an even less relevant movie than Fast Times at Ridgemont High that will make me sound a bit creepy, which is just the image this show is trying to portray!
J.J. Woods: Zoe means everything to me. I love Zoe. I would anything for Zoe. I’m dedicating every obstacle to Zoe. Yeah, you’ll pretty much never hear anything about me again, just deal with it.
Lindsay Eskildsen: I was in competitive gymnastics for 12 years. When I got too old for that, I got into competitive cheerleading, and I got good enough at it that I moved on to the WNBA. And now I’m in the Cityfinals of American Ninja Warrior. Just goes to show you what a woman is capable of when she works toward her dreams and isn’t afraid to be strong and capable and…ahh ahh, man! I have a man! I have a man! MANMANMANMANMANMANMANMANMANMAN!!! I LOVE HIM! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM! Hahh…phew, that was a close one. Uh, what I meant to say was, a woman who has a man is capable of anything! SUCK IT, GRAFF!
Jessie Graff: Look…I’m getting through, it’s a given…there aren’t two women in the country who are going to finish ahead of me, much less at Daytona…but given what an upper-body-a-rama Cityfinals has become, I don’t have much of a chance of finishing, so bottom line is, I got nothing to talk about. Ah, screw it, let’s just go with “Damn you [obstacle that took me out in Qualifying], damn you to hell!”
Drew Dreschel: I used to be a used car salesman who competed in a competition with next to no chance of making any real money and where one tiny mistake would knock me out for the entire year, but then I decided to do the latter full time. This was the greatest decision of my life, thereby implying that if you are a used car salesman, you are a complete loser! NBC said this was perfectly fine since used car salesmen aren’t in their target demographic!

Sheesh, I know NBC has agendas, but do they have to be so damn blatant about them? Am not looking forward to Jesse Labreck, that’s for sure.

Only one finisher, the second time this year and the third overall. You know what, I’ve grumbled at how arm-intensive Cityfinals has become, but I think the real problem is a little simpler: there are too many obstacles. There’s no real point in finishing (if you clear the 8th, you’re home free), and with the emphasis on grinding for every inch, it’s made the runs really slow-paced and a slog to watch. Starting from the 5th obstacle would be a better idea. Have the same length as Qualifying but with a tougher set; make speed a priority and the security of finishing meaningful.

Great run from Graff; shame she couldn’t quite pull it off. Cityfinals is the last empty space on the trophy rack for her, and every year it seems to pull just out of reach.

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It really is weird. The show makes all these noises about wanting more elite women, bring on the women, let’s have more women in the later stages… and then they choose obstacles that are nothing but arm/shoulder strength, one after another after another. Really, how many of the obstacles come down to “how long can you hang your body weight by your hands”?

Is it really that hard to come up with a couple more obstacles that prioritize agility or leg strength to interleave in the second half of the course?

How about a stretch that’s essentially a series of trampolines you have to jump between, maybe clearing a barrier or getting through a target between each without touching it?

How about an extreme balance test? They have all these finger strength ones, with ledges decreasing in width – do basically the same thing but with a decreasing width platform, maybe it forms a path that zigzags back and forth, and there are gaps along the way of various widths you have to jump over. Not extreme broad jump type jumps, just ‘longer than a normal stride’ that demand accuracy and body control. How fast can you go without losing control? The path could be such that, if you dare, you can take a longer leap that cuts off part of the path…but there’s no six foot wide safe ending right there, you still have to land under control and cover another section.

Or a pure body control event: Here’s a series of obstacles you simply have to get through – hoops that are variously smaller and larger, raised a bit so you need to jump or high enough you’d need to shinny up a pole and then dive through. The point being, you’re out if you touch the hoop with any part of your body.

And, of course, I know why they don’t want that type of obstacle. Because they want to show off manly man strength, arms, arms, arms! And jumping and body control, heck, those aren’t manly men strength things.

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The solution would be so obvious: Have a separate competition based on Kunoichi. Incidentally, I’ve seen the revamped 2017 season, and while it certainly required more strength (logical, since the athletes are on the whole stronger), the emphasis was on TOTAL body strength, not an upper bodython. Heck, G4 already had a “Women of Ninja Warrior”, so it’s not like there isn’t precedent. With Team Ninja Warrior, the international event, and the all-star event (plus some one-off charity thing I vaguely remember), it looked like NBC finally embraced the more truly being the merrier. So wouldn’t an American Kunoichi be the next logical step?

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StarvingButStrong, just want to say I agree. The network likes to advertise about how the obstacles get harder each season, but a lot of what makes the obstacles so hard is that you’re working the same muscles and doing the same movements over and over again. There’s not much variety.

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I tried to find “kunoichi” on youtube without much success. What is it?