American Ninja Warrior

Cafe Society
521

I’ve lost track… what’s the lancer?

In any case, there are some people who fail on stage 1 or 2 because it’s clearly just beaten them… a lot of people who end up gassed out on the wing nuts in recent season, for instance. But other people fall just because they fall, on obstacles you really think they could beat. Joe Moravsky on the double dipper this past season, or Daniel Gil on that weird chain and bar obstacle. Obviously no guarantee that they would have beaten the stage on a second attempt, but it certainly seems plausible… and both of them would legitimately challenge anyone on stage 3, even Drew Dreschel.
The thing I’m most uncertain about is the prize for going furthest fastest in Vegas. On the one hand, I like people being rewarded for excellence. On the other hand, it changes the incentive structure such that Drew blazed through the first few stage 3 obstacles, possibly to the detriment of going as far as possible.

Maybe the prize should just be for going as far as possible on stage 3, not counting time, splitting it between people who fall on the same obstacle? Ideally, then, each competitor wouldn’t know how far the previous ones had gotten (although hard to see how that could really be kept secret).

522

Oh, sorry…I’ve been here so long that I’m losing track of how often I actually use my I’m-not-using-Eyes’-and-Bodge’s-stupid-term-and-you-can’t-make-me substitutes. Anyway, “lancer” = “LaNS”, i.e. “Last Ninja Standing” (yeeeah, definite :rolleyes:), the top finisher who wins $100,000.

Well, it’s possible that a star who got unlucky will be able to use a do-over to pull off a miracle comeback. Heck, we’ve already seen Jessie Graff accomplish something similar in USA vs. the World. Just don’t count on it, that’s all. Now that I think of it, it’s probably more likely that this will take away some of the nerves and make it easier for the star to complete Stages 1 and 2 clean. We’ll learn when we learn.

As for the prize…look, how do I put this…I know that sports and vaguely sports-themed reality TV novelty projects are always going to have controversy, but I saw the danged season 10 finale (even did a write-up! :)), and if that was a “blazing” pace, I’m Leveon Bell. Dreschel had a better handle of the first three obstacles than Bryan, full stop. Furthermore, I’m not seeing how taking less time on said obstacles could have hurt him on Ultimate Cliffhanger. Trust me, you do not want to lollygag on Floating Boards or Crazy Clocks, much less that ridiculous 4-in-a-row.

So essentially, you just thought it would be nice if Bryan didn’t go home empty-handed…which I agree with entirely. I’ve said many times how this show should have an intelligent prize structure, not just to prevent utter debacles like Geoff Britten and Bryan working his butt off just to take home the same amount as a Stage 1 no-resulter but to ensure that the big names you need to sell this don’t leave in frustration. Unfortunately, so long as NBC has a winner-take-all mentality, someone’s going to be the Best Loser, and given how frequently Stage 3 competitors go out in the same place, that means that something’s gotta break the tie. Not a good system, but the best NBC will allow.

523

Eh… it’s not so much that, as the feeling that Drew fell fairly early in stage 3, but it still seemed like he had accomplished what he set out to accomplish. And I’m certainly not blaming him, $100K is a lot of money. But a lot of the drama is gone if it’s not “will anyone achieve this nearly unachievable goal” and instead is “SOMEONE is winning the money, let’s see who it is”.

That said, I don’t really have a concrete suggestion for how to make things better while still acknowledging the “winner” of each season.
Edited to add: Not sure if this is what you were getting at, but certainly if more than one place paid, with a gradual dropoff, then going furthest fastest wouldn’t be winning 100K instead of nothing, it would be winning 50K instead of 40K, or whatever, and the fact that you didn’t win the $1M would loom larger.

524

Well, that was not without its charms.

They can’t seem to decide whether these competitions should be quasi-legitimate competitions, where the very best (including former champs) go head to head, or just fun exhibitions where they give exposure to up-and-comers.

The best event of the night by far was the striding steps, because almost everyone there was a legit competitor, and a bunch of the races were super-close.

The wingnuts is fun… but I feel like we’ve already seen it two years in a row, and the lack of Drew Dreschel just meant it felt like there was a big asterisk dangling over it.

The doorknobs also had a very high level of competition, and it was great to see Geoff Britten back, hope he will actually show up this season and compete.

The super salmon ladder was just pointless. Let’s see, two nobodies, one very strong woman, and the reigning champ. Hmmm. I wonder how this will go?

The freestyle dipper thing was quite fun, actually. The highlight was learning that Sean Bryan actually has a personality. (Also, his first attempt where he was upside down was by far the most impressive of the night, so the right man won eventually).
The team challenge is kinda silly and pointless, aside from the fact that it’s always fun to see people try the later obstacles on round 3. Props to Jake Murray and Jamie Rahn for both making it through three brutal obstacles, and then to Meghan Martin and Flex for beating the truly ridiculous cane lane.

525

I think I complained last year that the skills special had too many veterans and not enough newbies, so I was glad to see some fresh faces, even though there weren’t any breakout stars.

The wingnuts challenge just doesn’t have a watchable format. I do think it’s fun to see how far the guys can lache, but head-to-head Match-ups going for speed are much more exciting to watch. The wingnuts portion just seemed to go on and on and on.

Striding steps was fun to watch, but the double dipper event was my fave.

I liked how they made stage 3 about obstacle completion so that even if one person fell, the other team members could still go. I just think it’s a shame they waited for stage 3 to have that rule. Poor Tyler Gillett got completely shafted and didn’t get to do a single obstacle during the team challenge!

526

Time recap another allegedly fun and exciting evening of “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? OHHHHH YEAHHHHH???” The good news is that NBC finally had the good sense to make it three hours, which means that there won’t be nearly as many waiweewuwwaweis as before. (Oh, there will be 3WAs. There are always 3WAs. Bet your life on it.)

Before we begin, new nicknames. As longtime followers of this thread know, when the show tries to hideously force an incredibly tired, ridiculous, insulting, aggravating, or just plain stupid nickname on me (“Sparkly Ninja?” Really?), my response is to use my own hideously forced moniker instead. A coping mechanism, if you will. Lately I’m finding “Crazy” simply grating. Since Neil Craver apparently has a bunch of C words attached to him, including “corndog” (as far as I know), he’s simply “CC” from now on. What the heck, sometimes simple works. And I don’t have any problem with Sean Bryan being a Catholic (from what I’ve heard he does seem fairly cool), so “Pain” is a no-go, but since four syllables is excessive, I’ll just call him “Church”. It works. Also, since “Kingdom Ninja” has indeed metastasized into an every-single-damn-time thing, “Dag” is official for Daniel Gil. FYI, I am indeed sticking with “Jax” for Jon Alexis Jr., and “Albatross” fits Najee Richardson more than ever, so that stays as well.

Once again we kick things off with the…groooaannnnn…team competition. Here, I’ll just sum it up in one nice, convenient word salad: Well you got a nice team but check out my team so strong two in a row fullyyeeeyyyinngg oh no come on come on commmeee oonnnnn unbelievable yeeesss got it a lot of extra swings so tricky Team Akbar Team Matt Team Akbar Team Matt soooo clloooosssse good sport da faddes da fasses.

Anyway, after 48 goddam minutes of this crap, some woman…Bars? Clubhouse? I think it’s Clubhouse…does just enough to outdo Team Akbar and wins it for Team Matt (Teamat! :D) Meh, I’m just glad that Eyes finally got one and we never have to hear about it again. I don’t want to think about how unbearable things would have gotten had Lay scored a threepeat. (Aside: Why the hell does anyone pick Lance Pekus for any kind of team event anymore? The guy is the biggest choker ANW has ever had. He never, ever prevails when it matters. He’s a bigger lock to completely torpedo his team than Bart Simpson. I’d put money on any Indian Ninja in the country to wipe the floor with him.)

Okay, on to the actual…six events? We have over two hours left and are going to have a measly six events? I dimly remember a time when the pacing for this show actually existed. Damn.

= MEGA SPIDER CLIMB =
Lance Pekus faces Chris Wilczewski, or “Chez-1”, as I call him, in the first heat, while Neil “CC” Craver battles newcomer R.J. Roman in the second. And of course, I’m totally confident that NBC thoroughly tested the new guy to make sure that he can take on elite competition without getting completely obliterated, because we all know how careful and thoughtful NBC has been about this franchise. :rolleyes: Clips from last year’s women-only version of this contest. Eyes calls it a “brutal test”, which I suppose it is if you’re a woman trying not to get embarrassed by Jessie Graff.

I swear I’ve seen that exact same preview for Pekus before. If he doesn’t accomplish something meaningful soon it’s going to get worse than Meagan Martin. They’re off, and, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Pekus looks great for the first two thirds before running of steam and allowing Chez-1 to steal it.

Quick preview of the second heat. Roman is a heavy metal guitarist, and it really says something that he’s the less grating one. He falters badly about halfway through and CC runs away with it. Yeah, fantastic idea throwing the rookie into the lion’s den, NBC. :smack::mad:

The final is a terrific contest which Chez-1 takes by a microscopic .04 second. (Eyes…it’s plainly obvious that it’s “too close to call”. So shut up and let the replay crew do their job! That’s what they’re there for!) I mentioned before how he was way overdue for something to go right for him for a change, and though it was definitely the hardest of hard ways, he finally got it. Now he can walk away with his head held high. :slight_smile:

= WICKED WINGNUTS =
This one always takes forever (and is a favorite of Eyes and Bodge since they get to scream their heads off even more); out of morbid curiosity, I’m going to clock this one. Drew Dreschel is sitting this one out because he’s competing in a different event this year, so it should at least be more open than last year.

1:06 as we begin. Kevin Bull goes first. He’ll be referred to as the “flying bull” for this event, and I’m highly grateful that it will be only for this one particular event. The contest starts with a 14’ swing to the destination wingnut, which is strictly routine for him. And we need a replay for some reason, because this event isn’t as tedious and badly-paced enough as it is. :rolleyes: Next up is Adam Rayl, the Concrete Gymnast (don’t ask). Easy peasy. Third up is Ethan Swanson.

-soapbox time- “The Swan” is a moronic nickname for any sport other than figure skating and that arm-flapping thing is just asinine. Fight me. –end soapbox time-

No problem. Fourth is Josh Salinas, whom Bodge informs us “had no luck”. Reverse jinxes don’t exist any more than the normal kind, and this reality hits him hard as he gets too low a trajectory on his jump and can’t hang on. Last up is someone you should all know, Najee “Albatross” Richardson, and man, talk about having no luck. In addition to regularly winding up with teammates in the team events whose athletic prowess is somewhere between “5 year old girl” and “surprisingly lifelike tackling dummy”, he has finished second in three All-star events, Mega Wall and Supersonic Shelf Grab in the second and Wing Nuts in the third. And second place in All-star gets exactly the same reward as second place in the regular contest. Supersonic Shelf Grab was particularly painful because he and Drew Dreschel went out on the same distance, but NBC, for literally the first time ever, decided that a tie was unacceptable and ordered a do-over; Dreschel made good on attempt #2, Albatross didn’t. With Dreschel out, can he finally break through? Starter distance, a tiny bit hairy, but he hauled it in.

Boy, such a pity that you can only use that horribly forced and pointless chant for this one event, huh, Eyes? :rolleyes:

Aaaaand, commercial. 1:17 as we return. Well, we had to go through all five contestants and profiles; the pace should get better now. And it’s a 3WA for the second round (Called it! :D), at 16’. All four made it fairly easily; the contest will proceed in 1’ increments from here on out. Shot of Kevin Carbone, because what better way to spend time on a primetime broadcast than to give the ten millionth shout-out to the man who did one thing! :smack::mad: At 17’, Bull has his hands on briefly, but they slip off and he’s down. Rayl looks a bit low but manages to hang on. Swanson has good form and nails it. Albatross makes it comfortably.

Aaaaand, another commercial; it’s 1:26 now. 18’. Rayl’s form is textbook and he crushes it. Swanson gets two hands on…and the momentum of his legs is too much for him to handle and he tumbles end-over-end into the water. Albatross looks just as smooth as he did at 17’; no doubt at all.

Crunch time! Just you and me now, punk! :smiley: At 19’, Rayl takes another low trajectory…and…stone cold, he’s got it. Albatross takes his time winding up…

** SPLOOOOSHH **

No. No way. He just plain comes up short and doesn’t even graze the nut. Rayl is the winner. At 1:31. What would we do without DVR, I tell you. Albatross respectfully bows to his conqueror, but you know that he has to be absolutely spitting blood inside. I hate this ridiculous event.

= DUAL DOORKNOB DROP =
This expanded version of Doorknob Drop is a head-to-head contest with two angled drops before the last fixed section, with a buzzer at the end. Um, I think a “murderers’ row” should have more than four, Eyes. Perfunctory profiles of Josh Levin and Daniel “Dag” Gil, who have the first match. Levin makes the first transition by a split section, but they’re dead even after the second, and it’s going to be really close, and…and…hey, cool, the buzzers change color based on who hit first so we don’t have to go through that “too close to call” garbage! That’s a great idea! I have no freaking idea why they don’t use it for Mega Spider Climb as well! Levin in a nail-biter.

Now it’s the marquee matchup of the night, Isaac Caldiero vs. Geoff Britten, the two men who were at the very epicenter of the most titanic injustice in the history of reality TV! Yeesh. I don’t even know what the hell they’re doing here. Caldiero has nothing to prove to anybody, and Britten persevered after getting megaton punched in the face and was rewarded by taking multiple bazooka shells to said face. He says that “I’m going to start my road to redemption”, a level of denial that could make [insert Republican President here] supporters jealous. Huh. Caldiero is never in it and it’s a walkover win for Britten, who immediately reports afterward that he injured his right arm, and dammit, you just knew that some pathetic crap like this would happen, you just KNEW. :frowning:

So by whatever rule is in place here, Dag gets a free pass, which means that Levin and Dag are…going to…meet again…ugh, I can’t even… :smack: Dammit… :frowning: Levin prevails, and they have some stupid on-the-spot challenge or something blah blah blah let’s move on before I get completely nauseated.

= STRIDING STEPS =
A head-to-head contest this time, which actually makes more sense, so thank heavens for small favors. First match is Tyler Gillett vs. Nicholas Coolridge. Coolridge has absolutely shined at All-stars and should be a very tough matchup for everybody. And they’re off! For a while Gillett keeps the pace and looks like he might steal this one, but he loses his balance on the return trip and has nowhere to go but down.

Second match is Drew Knapp vs. the venerable Joe Moravsky. It’s been a while since his phenomenal triumph at TNW2; can he close out his career with some hardware? This one’s a laughter as Knapp stumbles to failure after about four steps.

On to the third match, Jake Murray vs. Allyssa Beird. [deep sigh] All right, guys, I remember the last heat of the second playoff of Ninja vs. Ninja 1, where Jeri D’Aurelio kept it close against John Alexis Jr. and Jesse Labreck beat Adam Rayl. It was one of the most thrilling moments in the history of ANW. And you know what? I still think man vs. woman contests are a galactically stupid idea. I’m not going to repeat my objections because frankly I’m afraid my fingers are going to cramp up if I type them again, but in a nutshell, there is no upside to these. None. Whatsoever. And for that matter, what exactly has Beird accomplished to convince us that she’s going to do anything but get creamed? Ye gods.

Shot of a bunch of other female competitors who’ve learned their lesson and are therefore not competing tonight. The buzzer sounds, and I’m not sure why the hell anyone was expecting anything different. :smack::mad: As a side note, effective immediately I have absolutely zero interest in anything Jake Murray does whatsoever that does not pertain directly to competition. I mean it. Anything.

The last two competitors, Flip “David” Rodriguez and Thomas Stillings, step up. Stillings, for no clear reason, pauses on the step immediately after the swing, and this one’s David’s to lose. Which he promptly does by diving into the water. David blowing a golden opportunity, who could’ve possibly seen that coming? :smack: (Many thanks to whoever came up with the smack smiley, as it has proven invaluable for ANW discussions.)

Moravsky takes on Coolridge in the first semi. Moravsky struggles with his balance and trails nearly the whole way. All Coolridge has left is the rope…and then Moravsky simply leaps up the wall, not even needing the rope, and cleanly hits the buzzer first. Now Murray vs. Stillings, the last two winners of this event. Stillings again pauses on the last step, and Murray is able to keep his feet…but he gets unbalanced and skews left near the end. He manages to stay dry, but Stillings, who kept a proper line, passes him, gets up the rope, and knocks him out of contention.

Ooh, we have a good one for the final. Stillings is a speed king; Moravsky is hungry and dangerous. Only one can win! Stillings again has to pause, and Moravsky surge ahead…and he gets unbalanced! Both men are dead even as they go straight up the wall…and…it looks like Moravsky got it! Stillings shouts at…someone, demanding to know who won. It’s taking way too long to get the result. Finally, Eyes realizes that they only have three hours and…very reluctantly…makes it official: Moravsky is the winner.

Dammit, “intentionally leaping into the water” has become the Gatorade shower of ANW. Just so completely pointless and overdone at this point. I may have to start fast forwarding immediately after the conclusion of everything.

= SUPER SALMON LADDER =
Nice montage of Mike Bernardo, Karsten Williams, and Sean Bryan. This has become by far the best event of All-stars, and I’m glad it’s been saved for second to last.

First up is Austin Gray, and dear Okina, we really aren’t ever going to learn anything about him other than that stupid kidney, are we? :(:mad: And HE’S SKIPPING RUNGS! HE’S SKIPPING RUNGS! HE…doesn’t quite have the chops for it, going crooked once before whiffing and plummeting with an unimpressive score of 16.

Now Dan Polizzi. For all the noise he’s made (literally) and all this “Towers of Power” booshwah, I’m hard-pressed to remember anything he’s actually accomplished. Wait… [checks TNW records] …eh, I guess there’s that. He goes for a speed approach, similar to Bernardo; he looks good for a while but gets hopelessly askew for no clear reason and falls at the exact same spot as Gray.

As we return from commercial, we see a scoreboard which helpfully informs us that two of the contestants have not gone yet! :smack: (Like, what the hell, guys? Who the hell makes these utterly pointless scoreboards? This barely made sense in USA vs. The World. Is this a soft-job-for-a-producer’s-underachiever-son kind of thing?) At the starting line is Barclay “Bars” Stockett, a “Salmon Ladder specialist”, and with that kind of claim you can be sure that nearly everybody is either 1. hoping she doesn’t horribly mess up and completely embarrass herself or 2. hoping she does. She’s up…damn, she’s looking really good! Gets a little crooked at about 16, but she recovers, and guess what, she’s officially bested two men! (Yep, textbook! :D) At 25 she’s just about out of steam, but she manages to struggle ahead and tack on 3 more, 28 in all. Wow. I have a feeling that mark isn’t going down anytime soon.

Okay, that’s enough optimism; time for Sean “Church” Bryan to vaporize everyone’s hopes for the second year in a row. Aaaaand…yep, and he sets a new record, 17.4 seconds. How many times can he do this before the producers simply ban him from this event? You think 4 would be reasonable?

= BIG DIPPER FREESTYLE =
Hold the phone…just one event to go and we’re only at 2:30? This is either going to be a colossal battle or a colossal time-waster. Not tempting fate by predicting which.

Before I get to this brand new contest, a little bit about Drew Dreschel and the nature of sports records. As anyone who delves deeply into any sport or league knows, who gets to be a worldbeater and how impressive the record is frequently a matter of good timing. Had Royce Gracie made his start two years later, there’s no chance he could’ve gone 11-1-1 with three tournament championships. Had Emmitt Smith not been backed up by a crushing line and a quarterback who could complete a damn pass, he never would’ve had any chance at three Super Bowls and the all-time rushing record. I trust Steffi Graf requires no explanation. Dreschel isn’t a young gun anymore, of course, but I’d argue that he peaked at just the right time…i.e. when his efforts would be properly rewarded. Remember, there was a time when there was no All-stars event, no Ninja vs. Ninja, no Mega Wall. Heck, the first ever ANW was just some frivolous game to decide who got a special invitation to Sasuke. All these things had to be added later, which meant that the achievements of a lot of early pioneers would go unrewarded whereas someone who was not there from day one, or was raw and had a lot of seasoning to go through, would develop into a superstar at just the right time…and eventually set marks that might never be surpassed.

Dreschel won a medal in each of the first three All-stars events he was in. Nicholas Coolridge has two and just came up short at Striding Steps, Sean Bryan just got his second, and no one else has more than one. If Dreschel wins here, future contestants will have to be in top form in four different events just to have a chance of matching him. Oh, by the way, he also got the first ever $100,000 top finisher prize, immediately putting him second on the all-time money list after Isaac Caldiero. We may be seeing the makings of an immortal, and, it will be nothing short of extraordinary if Drew Dreschel, of all people, becomes the Muhammad Ali of ANW.

All right, so what is this? It uses the first half of Double Dipper, and…

:eek:

No…no, dammit…

:eek:

…it’s a judged artistic competition.

With Eyes, Bodge, and Lay…as…the judges.

:rolleyes::mad::rolleyes::mad:

AARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH.

I’m done. Splashy splashy, Church wins, good freaking night. :mad:

(Insert your own “shark jump” joke here. I’m tired.)

527

Okay, it’s only been one episode so far but I’m noticing a major tonal change from past seasons. It looks like the viewers finally got fed up with the same nonsense I did and the producers had no choice to tone it down. Cool. Power to the people. :slight_smile: There were still stories, but they seemed shorter than before and there were fewer; it wasn’t wall-to-wall glurge. And while there were still a fair number of crowdshots and that one obligatory fan who has to scream directly into the camera for the entire goddam run, the peanut gallery didn’t completely overwhelm the broadcast. I did notice that there were a lot/ of 3WAs, so many, in fact, that some of them actually went on BEFORE the commercial break. I understand that there are so many contestants now that this is simply an unpleasant necessity, but I kinda feel for some of these guys. For many of them it’s their one shot in the sun, and it’s going be over in a blink. Overall, though, this is a far more watchable, listenable, followable, bearable television program than in recent years. Here’s looking forward to a mostly fun season! :smiley:

The big change, of course, is the Power Tower. The thing that impressed me was how this completely changed the dynamic of the final obstacle literally overnight. (Quick reminder: The contestant now gets three shots at either the Warped Wall or Mega Wall but must now stick with it for all three attempts. Getting the Mega Wall on the second attempt is worth $5,000; $2,500 for the third attempt.) Back when 1st place was no different from 30th and everyone was guaranteed at least one shot on the 14 1/2-er, there was no real reason not to try the Mega Wall. Unless you were literally among the very best of the best it was your only shot at making any money from this, getting the normal wall one time wasn’t challenging for a real contender, if you couldn’t get up Warped Wall in three attempts you were doomed anyway, and nobody had failed to make it through after clearing the 5th obstacle for like 5 years. Now that being in the top two is potentially worth a lot, speed matters, and we’re going to see the Mega Wall be a much less attractive option. I’ve seen strong contestants who might have gone for it in season 10, men like David Campbell and Kevin Bull, take the safe option without a second thought.

The surprise of the night were that there were 4 competitors who made it through after clearing a mere 2 obstacles. This would’ve been completely unthinkable last years, much less the really strong seasons like 2014. I couldn’t see any obvious reason; there was rain, but it was hardly a downpour. I think we simply had a lot of new faces who got tripped up by the new tasks. They spent so much time practicing on tasks they actually have the skill to make…Devil Steps, Salmon Ladder, Quintuple Steps, Body Prop, Cliffhanger, what have you…that when they face something requiring the keen sense of timing of Walk The Plank or the steady control of Spring Forward, they get the same hard lesson as countless also-rans before them.

Question about David Alvarez: Even if his sister’s birth certificate, residency history, etc. are sealed, there’s gotta be some kind of public record somewhere. And even if he can’t find her, why isn’t she looking for him? I just find it really hard to believe that in this age of ubiquitous social media and smartphones, he can’t find her at all…unless she doesn’t want to be found. I get the nagging feeling that there are pieces to this puzzle that he’s not revealing and the situation isn’t as tender as he’s making it sound. Ah well, he’s got at least one more round.

528

Love, love, love the changes for this season. I love the new megawall rules so much I can’t stand it, and the Tower of Power (on which I can take about an hour) is pretty awesome.

It’s funny, I never thought about that Zappa reference during the 10 million times they referenced those firemen dudes (“The Towers of Power”) but during this episode, every single time the Power Tower was mentioned I thought of the song and giggled.

They started doing that either last season or the season before. Possibly earlier, but if I had to bet I’d say two seasons ago.

I FFWD through pretty much all the glurge, but I rewound a bit to see the end of this one. I think he said something like he kept her pacifier or something of hers that implied she was toddler-age when they were separated. If so, she may not even be aware of them.

529

Agreed, I am thrilled with their increased focus on actual runs.

I also just want to brag that I met Jamie Rahn over the weekend and got a picture with him. I was with a group of friends, and when one of the women saw me getting a picture with him and realized that he was a celebrity, she decided she wanted to get a picture with him, too, and brag about it on Facebook. So then she got on Facebook and said “Also, got to see one of ANW giving the rules and getting everyone fired up at StartLine: (one with GreenHair-Jayme?)” and URGH! That irritated me! Which I know is irrational, because it’s not hurting anybody for her to get a picture with him. But I just felt like I was getting a picture with him because I actually recognized him and was excited to meet him, and it cheapens the whole experience to have some other person be like “Ooh! A celebrity! I don’t exactly know who he is, but look at me, I’m with a celebrity!” Okay, I’m done. Hopefully someone on here will actually know who he is and be excited on my behalf and understand my mild frustration.

530

It’s so sad to see former greats collapse like that. First it was Geoff Britten coming back after being robbed to go out on the first obstacle in stage 1 the next year, then Isaac Caldiero not advancing past the city finals in his return. Those were bad, but Drew Dreschel was the worst of all: He was HUNDREDS of milliseconds off the fastest time. Just pathetic.

I am decidedly NOT a fan of the change in the recap at the very end, where instead of seeing the times and the obstacles they went out on we only get a list of names. Pretty sure the last two qualifying women went out on the third obstacle, which isn’t great, but I would have had to rewind and scan through the entire episode to confirm that. That Berg… something family where the brother and sister competed, the sister went out super early but she advanced to the city finals as the 4th place woman.

(EDIT: And that reminds me, I chuckled at the segment for them, where they talk about how close they are and listed all the activities they do together, one of which was something like Western Swing Dancing. Ooooookay…)

So weird how hard they promoted the New England Patriots guy in both the cable guide description of the episode and the beginning of the show, only to skip over his run with a While We Were Away.

I’m really warming up to that rocker dude. During the skills competition a few weeks ago I felt he was out of place – he was in the spider climb challenge – but he looked pretty dominant in this qualifying run. Looks like he may be the real deal.

Great to see Travis Rosen back in competition, but I winced every time he took a step. It reminded me of how uneasy I felt watching Tedy Bruschi (NE Patriots linebacker) tackle anybody after his stroke. (EDIT: Similar deal with the former gymnast who tore her ACL five times.)

531

Fair amount to unpack here. May as well start with the bad stuff, because I really, really like this version of quallies as opposed to last year and I desperately want to end on a positive note.

Folks, it’s finally happened. All pretense of sport is totally gone. ANW is a pure, unfiltered, 100% reality show and absolutely nothing else. Granted, it wasn’t a sudden process; there were plenty of warning signs prior to tonight. The automatic 5 women’s passes, shutting off the clock completely except to scream bloody murder about someone gunning for the top time, listing the obstacle they went out on instead of the last one they completed, the trumpeting of X-time-Vegas-finallist this or fastest-time-in-X that. Above all else, NBC pushes narratives. “Wow, this amputee hanging in there is so inspirational!” “The work he does for the kids is truly an example for us all?” “Can your grandfather do this? Can he? Can he? CAAAANNNN HEEEEEE???” And if shutting off the clock or doing a waiwewuwwawei is what it takes to hide the fact that his run really isn’t that impressive, so be it.

But at the end of the day, there was still a top-to-bottom accounting, and the numbers didn’t lie. And that was becoming a real problem because it shot the most important narrative dead…i.e., the true measure of success. How many times have Eyes and Bodge lamented…lamented, I tell you!..the fact that this or that heartstring-tugger didn’t bee daah waww, and we see that he made the top 30 by a mile? (And again, how many years has it been since someone who cleared 5 obstacles didn’t make the top 30?) How often did it make it sound like someone who cleared 4 obstacles was on the cusp and sweating, and then we see competitors who cleared 2 obstacles make it? How many times have we seen that timer go up, and up, and up, making it plainly obvious that the only reason that so-inspiring hopeful didn’t crash and burn was because prelims has infinite time (which is cool, it’s not supposed to be as cutthroat as Stage 1, but at least acknowledge this, all right?)? What the hell happened to the bubble? We saw it brought out a few times when the producers wanted to score cheap drama points, but otherwise we’re left guessing. The bottom line was there were things the producers wanted to pretend were A HUGE INCREDIBLE DEAL, things the rankings always proved that they weren’t.

And so…no more times. No more number of obstacles. Just a boring pass/fail, or more accurately pass/slightly less impressive pass.

I guess I should be angry, but mostly I’m just…resigned. Deep down I knew that this was where the show was headed, that the awe-inspiring days of Kacy Catanzaro and Brian Arnold and Isaac Caldiero were gone, and they were never coming back. I’m pretty sure NBC was nearly ready to pull the trigger before the start of the season, and the absolute freakout they had over the Los Angeles results was just the final straw. Anyway, that’s the reality now. Quallies is officially dead as sport. There’s no competition here any more, just stories. Nothing but a bunch of edited-to-death meaningless manipulative fluff.

Just hope siffies gets spared.

(Completely unrelated note: Could we please have a little more goddam effort with these stupid nicknames? “The Bergstrom Bunch”?? Really? You do realize you’re riffing a TV series that ended in 1974, right? Sheesh, and I thought Dennis The Menace was a reach. Could we have something from, oh, the 90’s? Please? Pretty pretty please?)

Now, on a more positive note… :slight_smile:

  • One of the unexpected side effects of this new-look ANW, where the tripe is somewhat less extreme and the crowds slightly more polite, is that it may have restored the old paradigm. The one were quallies was a soppy, fluffy storyfest where you’ll never see 95% of these people again, siffies occupied an awkward between-space which tried to both recapture the glurge of the past and build up serious competitive mojo for the future and never quite succeeded at either, and the real contest completely did away with drama in favor of serious, merciless competition. It’s clear that the viewers (and some people at NBC, if we’re being honest) were incredibly weary of the treacle dumpster the 2018 season was, and there’s a very good chance none of it survives past siffies this time. With the addition of the Power Tower and Stage 1-2 do-overs, it’s clear that Vegas is what matters now. And I say good on it. A sport, even a pseudo-sport, needs an ebb and flow, and this provides it.

  • No surprise that there was a ton of hype over Travis Rosen, and all told, it was a nice comeback. (And taking a long time…which it did…didn’t detract from it at all, which makes shutting off the clocks even sadder, but I’ve made my point on that.) Still, I can’t escape the nagging fear that if he keeps going he’s going to suffer another terrible injury. I still remember that tumble in the TNW1 championship match. This man just can’t seem to stay healthy, and he’s on the bad side of 40 in a sport where he’ll never make a dime. To paraphrase Jun Kitami*, there are no winners, only those who continue playing and those who walk away. I just hope Rosen has the good sense to do it while he still can walk.

  • Last week I surmised that the the Power Tower would make the Mega Wall much less of a factor. This is why you do not make brash sweeping pronouncements based on one night. 4, count 'em, 4 clears, with 3 of them on the first crack. We’ve been going on about how (potentially) huge skipping siffies is and how the speed runners have a reason to strut their stuff, but remember: There is 1 free pass. So if you’re not confident that you’re the bestest-bestest man of the day and have enough steel nerves left to get through the tower quickly and without a mishap, it makes more sense to go for the gold. Remember too that for the overwhelming majority of contestants, this is their ONLY chance to make ANY MONEY WHATSOEVER at this. So it’s still going to be a really tempting option.

  • Alternatively, you can be Drew Dreschel. Damn. :eek: Faced with a choice between money or the tower, he said, screw it, I’m taking every-goddam-thing. And he did. After cementing his death grip on the #2 spot on the all-time money list with a Mega Wall conquest, he realized he had the #2 time of the night, sauntered off to the Power Tower, and proceeded to utterly blow the doors off of his hapless foe. He’ll be fully rested and ready to rock come Stage 1, and there’s a definite possibility that he’s going to claim a second lance (Again, Last Ninja Standing = LaNS. I think we all got it now. :)). At age 30, he may not be at his peak for much longer, so I’m definitely going to enjoy this thrill ride while it lasts. But if you ever wanted a no-compromises, no-tentativeness, damn-the-torpedoes-and-go-for-the-green superstar, he’s the man. On a related note…man, I feel for Tyler Gillett. Coming of a strong rookie outing in Ninja vs. Ninja, he had one thing on his mind tonight, #1. He gave up a crack at money for it. And he got it…and the #2 guy eats his lunch and he walks away with jack squat. I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing a very angry, resentful young gun 6 weeks from now. Definitely don’t want to miss it. :wink:

  • I know you’ve never heard of him. Just look it up, all right? :smiley:
532

So, to be totally clear here… what you’re upset about is not at all a change in how it is determined who advanced to city finals, or how many people advance to city finals, and you’re not accusing them of rigging it. You’re just upset that… they don’t display a graphic on screen that shows the time/obstacle for each of the qualifiers?

You may only be referring to the actual prize, but he was the last ninja standing two years ago, so winning it again would be his third time. The last 7 years have been (I think)
Steffenson
Arnold
Moravsky
Caldiero (wins it)
Dreschel
Moravsky
Dreschel

533

The question is, does he skip the city finals, or does he try to win the Power Tower and the Vegas “mulligan” that goes with it?

534

I’m actually confused by that. Is the stage 1 do-over part of city finals? If so, winning the city qualifier Power Tower - where you skip city finals and go straight to Vegas - doesn’t sound like a good deal for a top competitor who runs with speed. They’re the ones who could make the best use of the do-over, but they’re also the only ones who can get the pass to Vegas, which skips over the chance to win the do-over.

535

Max - Having hard stats legitimizes a sport and, more importantly, demonstrates that the powers in charge aren’t pushing an agenda. Competitions are unpredictable, messy things that rarely follow any kind of storybook narrative, and a TV producer or sportswriter who insists on one is going to make hash of the truth. Any recap of the Steve Bartman game which completely ignores the booted double play ball which would’ve gotten the Cubs out of the inning with just one run surrendered, any recap of the 1986 World Series which obsesses on Bill Buckner without one word about the blown 3-run lead or the blown 3-run lead in game 7, any retrospective on the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding flap which conveniently excises what an utter load of crap madonna/whore was in the first place and that little mishap in the Disney parade, anytime at all the entirely of Leon Lett’s career is reduced to that one special teams hiccup in Miami and that Super Bowl fumble, which are held up as two of the most devastating bungles in this history of the league (to recap, the Cowboys still got freaking home field throughout the playoffs after the former, and the latter happened after he returned a Bills fumble about 60 yards, and oh BTW, the Cowboys were up by five goddam scores at the time and would finish with the second biggest freaking blowout in the history of the Super Bowl), it’s a disservice to both sport and journalism, reducing a real contest with real people and real consequences to a WWE angle.

And again, this was not a sudden thing; ANW was headed in that direction for a long time (I’d argue that hiring Akbar Gbajabiamila was the first crack in the dam). But no matter how thick the hype got, no matter how many “Soooo cloooose!”-s and “We want a finisher”-s there were, you could always count the scoreboard at the end to snap you back to reality. No, it didn’t matter that she didn’t finish the course, yes, he was fast enough, no, it wasn’t that close, just relax, all right? It was the last fragile thread of ANW as a legitimate sport, and in Atlanta it was finally severed. Just a bunch of random names thrown on the screen.

Will this ruin my enjoyment of quallies? No. I mentioned the improvements, the new obstacles are keeping things interesting, the Power Tower has been a thrill ride so far, and overall I’m far more enthusiastic about this incarnation than last year’s. You just can’t think of it as sport anymore, because NBC made it clear that that’s not what they’re presenting. Enjoy the spectacle, tolerate the somewhat less aggravating stories, and save the stat cards and analysis for siffies.

Speaking of which, I do think that five guaranteed women’s spots isn’t a great idea. I understand why NBC is doing it, i.e. more diversity in an otherwise excessively sausagefactorious (I say it’s a real made-up word! :D) siffies, it just seems…futile. None of them are making it to Stage 1 who wouldn’t have on merit, and given how long siffies runs take, nearly all of them are just going to get shunted to waiweewuwwaweiland (This too! :D) anyway. But if NBC isn’t going to bring wild cards back, I guess we got what we got. Not worth grumbling about, in any case.

Ellis Dee - I thought that for a while too, but according to Eyes (per Max’s link), the free pass winners still have the option of competing in siffies and competing for the do-over. Unless he’s really worried about injury, I can’t imagine anyone not going for it; a chance to run flat-out for the gold with absolutely zero risk.

536

Ah, gotcha. That makes sense.

ANW is not, has never been, and never will be a sport. It’s an athletic competition, but it’s not a sport any more than Ultimate Beastmaster or The Amazing Race are sports. I’ve always found your complaints about that to be weird.

An example of an actual sport that is presented in a similar way as ANW would be the Spartan races that NBC tried to make a thing, but unfortunately that didn’t translate too well. (The massive disparity in teams didn’t help.)

537

IMHO, the problem is that if you consider ANW a game show, or a reality show, then it’s not a good one. A game show where no one wins anything is just strange. (Admittedly, they have introduced more opportunities to win something in recent seasons, but still, the focus is on conquering obstacles, and aside from the Mega Wall, there’s no prize for conquering an obstacle.) A reality show focuses on interactions between contestants, and this show doesn’t.

I’m just guessing here, but I think the reason most people watch the show is because of the athleticism aspect. So when the night culminates in some “Gbajabiamoments” with the actual results of the athletic competition not even displayed (the names were displayed, but not the results), that’s pretty irritating.

538

I mean, I see where you’re coming from, I don’t think you’re just talking nonsense or anything, but… I bet the percentage of the ANW viewing audience who noticed in a more than offhand fashion and actually cares is minuscule. Heck, I’ve watched every episode since I randomly stumbled upon it in the middle of season 4 and I clearly care enough to post here and occasionally on the subreddit, and I wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out.

If they were actively trying to make the competition “more legitimate”, they could provide an online stats database of some sort. And they don’t. I don’t think they’re trying to make the competition more legitimate. At the same time, I also don’t think they’re trying to make it less legitimate. It is what it is.

(Actually, having wild cards did make it less legitimate, imho, and they got rid of those.)

539

I don’t really buy into your definitions, as three of my favorite reality shows are The Amazing Race, Naked & Afraid, and American Ninja Warrior, and none of them focus on the Real World style of interpersonal drama.

Totally agreed. I complained about that very thing a few posts up.

540

Last night they repeated the season opener for whatever reason.

But they announced that Monday would be the new night for the show from now on. I wonder if that means that they’ll repeat the second show next week, or that that will be a new episode?