I guess that would depend on how drunk you are.
And why 'Bama fans are so complacent they’d just stand by and watch someone do it to their truck!
No, it’s just that we’re civilized, and wouldn’t stoop to their level, you see. 'Cause we’re classy as a motherfuck.
and is it true that you can only make left turns in tuscaloosa?
Also, the part about the “hooligan’s ladyfriends” would mention that the women in question were morbidly obese, toothless, and so grotesquely ugly that you couldn’t exactly tell what gender or species they were. Or, if you* really* wanted to get nasty, there’d be something about the females looking so dangerously underage that the victim wanted to call Chris Hanson.
It’d be just my luck; I’d piss in a Michigan fans’ gas tank and solve their engine knock problem.
Or that they bore a striking resemblance to the hooligan himself, down to the monobrow and the congenitally deformed nose, and were previously seen sloppily making out with the hooligan before the precipitating incident in question.
Well, the Wolverines(aka Weasles) of Ann Arbor are below contempt.
Go Spartans!
But for other teams I’m indifferent.
See, I think this is one of the beautiful things about college football, that elevates it above that johnny-come-lately NFL. Trash talking, rivalries…this stuff runs deep, incorporates geographic and socio-economic divisions, and goes on for generations. Take Kansas - Missouri: the only sports rivalry that can claim the distinction that one side sacked and burned the other’s city.
And of course, many fan bases are truly knuckle-draggers. Ask any Cal fan who went to the game at Fresno St. 
In Alabama, both sides are hicks.
I see what you did there. Nice one.