An Idea For Something the Federal Government Can Do That's Actually USEFUL

In My Humble Opinion
1

Not sure if this would fall under the purview of the FDA, the USDA, or the FTC (also whether it should be in IMHO or Cafe Society). When a frozen foodstuff manufacturer/marketer includes instructions for preparing their product in a microwave oven, require them to specify the power level of the microwave oven that was used to establish the instructions. If an item requires three minutes (180 seconds) at 1100 Watts, a 900 Watt microwave will take three minutes and forty seconds (220 seconds) to deliver an equivalent amount of energy.

(and to all you smarty-pants whiners who complained that you were never going to USE algebra in real life, FUCK OFF! This uses it. Unless you LIKE your Swanson’s lasagna frozen in the middle while the outside incinerates your tongue.)

2

Doesn’t it usually say that on the box somewhere already? I remember “assuming a 1000W microwave” or similar wording on SOME packaging I’ve seen. Will have to check the freezer later…

Practically, it’s also not just a matter of wattage but “loiter” time. 500W for 10 min is often going to give better results than 2000W for 2.5 min, just because the heat has more time to diffuse through the food. And the 2000W might explode the thing anyway…

3

Not always (I’m lookin’ at YOU Winco store brands frozen breakfast sandwiches).

Not that I’d be able to afford one, but I’ve never encountered a 2KW microwave oven.

4

How many people know the wattage of their microwave, at home, let alone the one at work or in a hotel?

5

New related Federal requirement: all microwave ovens must have their wattage posted in large letters on or near their control panels.

6

I think I see what you’re getting at, but the larger point is that the purpose of the whole exercise is that it would make things easier for ME…

7

New related Federal requirement: all microwave ovens must have a “what is a watt” info sheet posted near their indicated wattage.

Before long, we’ll have a whole educational system built on top of TV dinners…

8

Didja hear about the guy who walked into a dark room, flicked on the light switch & said, “Watts going on’”

9

The first time I encounter a new microwave oven (in the break room at a new job, say), I time how long it takes to bring a mug of water to a boil (the one in the upstairs break room takes 2 minutes, while the one in the downstairs break room takes 2:22). Then, I measure all of my other cooking tasks in mug-equivalent units. For instance, a particularly large plate of food might be 1.5 mug-equivalent-units, so 3 minutes in the upstairs microwave, or 3:33 in the downstairs one.

10

hmmm…well, for me, ya see, reality is different.
The first time I encounter a new microwave… I usually can’t figure out a damn thing–not even how to turn it on.

Well, except for the super-cheap microwave at the office. Because that one has (gasp)… physical knobs!!! And they are clearly labelled!!!
Twist the knob to 60, and it runs for 60 seconds! And you don’t have to scroll through six menus of settings first.
Ain’t it magnificent?!

The government should issue regulations that all electronic devices be controlled with KNOBS.

11

So I wake in the morning and I put my burrito inside
and I see the plate spin and when I put it on High
and I scream from the top of my lungs …

12

Could be an improvement over our current trajectory…

13

25 secs and my meal is still
Trying to get past room temperature… oh no
Why is it still frozen…
I realized quickly when I knew I should
Have taken it out of this cardboard box, oh man
How many watts will I need?!