An open plea to SUV drivers in my town.

Fuck that, it’s not a plea, it’s a demand.

I live in a small town in southwestern Connecticut. Most of the town roads are narrow and windy. So here is my plea:

If you can’t keep your gas-guzzling, over-sized, piggy, passenger car crushing, sloppy, clumsy, sight-blocking, terrorist funding, super-polluting “sport” utility vehicle on your side of the road in the blind corners, then SLOW THE FUCK DOWN you useless pieces of human fecal matter.

Next time I dent my front-end swerving out of your “way” will be the day I mount a machine gun on my dashboard.

Thank you.

P.S. Do the planet a favor and kill yourself immediately.

Ya, all you SUV people should go live in huts in the Sahara for a year.

I’m not joking.

Do y’all think turn signals are optional equipment? “4 wheel drive” does not mean “immune to physics”

Hmm…

No. We like terrorizing you. There’s actually a little game we play with points and everything. It’s fun.

And we communicate with each other through the secret satellite feeds in our glove compartments.

“Bzz…Pop. Force Festiva now approaching route 7 in Falls Church, VA! Charlie! You’ve got an Expedition…think you can bank him off the grocery store?”

“10-4 Good buddy! Watch me work!”

I like to drive fast sometimes. It cracks me up when some suv moron “chases” me. God knows why these idiots think their soccer mom trucks are fast. I laugh looking in the rear view mirror. I’m hoping someday to see one of those fools flip over in the curves.

That would make my day.

“Terrorist funding?”

Please tell me your car runs on pure hydrogen, or that you ride a bike every day.

No, but my Honda gets 30/mpg on the highway.

The fat slobs in the FUV’s are increasing our dependence on foreign oil. You do the math and the terrorist funding implications.

Until you start driving a car powered on fuel cells charged by solar or wind energy, shut the fuck up.

i have an SUV, but take the electric train to work. So suck it, beautiful*!

*–ugly stupid whore

Ha,ha,ha. Upset the Fat-asses apparently.

The Excursion meets California emissions standards…for a truck.

Don’t tell me FUV owners “need” those pathetic sloppy trucks. Maybe 5 percent have a realistic need. The rest are just too stupid not to try to keep up witht the neighbors.

You are still burning more gas than a passenger car. You are still polluting more than a passenger car. You are still consuming more than your fair share of a non-replenishable natural resource.

Hey, when you tip over: I’ll come piss in your mouth if your are thirsty.

Incorrect. As I am the larger vehicle (when I drive my parents’ big-ass suburban, which I think is even bigger than an SUV), you do what I say or I drive not around you, not past you, but through you.

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun SUV.

So I trust you know all about following distance and driving more slowly in the dark and things like that.

Gas-guzzling has little, if anything, to do with windy roads. And what is an oversized behicle to you may not be to someone who has lots to transport (such as four children and their camping gear).

But you’re damn right about the passenger car crushing. You know that whole JD Power&Associates ranking system?

There’s a different one for SUVs. They put us on a course with lots of smaller cars (and a few bigger, just to make things fair). The SUV’s rating is dependent on how many cars it can cause at least $3K worth of damage to in one minute.

If the road is too small for an SUV, that is a problem with the road, not the SUV. If a driver is driving badly, that’s driver error, not a vehicle that’s too big.

And the machine gun will only work if you can aim it as you’re being driven through by my behemoth.

Are you sure you don’t just have SUV envy?

Oh, almost forgot…

Are you new here,
Are you new here?
Father John?
Father John?

:smiley:

SCORE!!!

:smiley:

I wonder what the OP does in response to aggressive tractor trailers or car shows featuring Ford Edzels.

Yeah, everyone wants a bloated station wagon that handles like a tractor.

What…fun. [yawn]

Yawn

So I don’t have nearly 10,000 post here iampunha. That means…I have a life?

Hey, if you keep your mommy truck on your side of the road, then go in peace.

FUV envy? You can’t be serious. My S2000 costs more than most of those silly trucks. I like to drive, not just steer.

Oh, and the silly boy driving the Suburban that forced me off the road? He is paying for my repairs. And I think my neck hurts too. Hmmm.

Oh, you don’t even have to worry about hitting 50, little one:)

Thank you, that’s quite enough.

your humble TubaDiva
Administrator