An Update on My Husband

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Link to my original thread.

Two weeks now since my husband was admitted to hospital with the GI bleed that nearly killed him.

I’m not happy with the hospital anymore - they released him on the day that they told me he’d be staying in a few more days, without notifying me and without giving him any instructions re: what to eat when he got home, how much time to have off work or anything.

They also still haven’t forwarded his files to his Dr’s surgery like they promised to. Even though he’s called them and asked for it to be done. And his Doc is pretty much saying “Well, we can’t do much (re: following up on the ulcer) until I have their records and find out what happened/what they did from a medical point of view”.

In the last week and a half since he got home, he’s used the ibuprofen/codeine once. This morning. And he had 12 tablets where previously he’d been having 36 a day. So that’s 12 in two weeks vs over 100 a week. But that’s only with a liberal application of oxycodone and oxycontin that the hospital and his doctor sent him home with. Now he’s out of the oxy. Which is why he took the ib/co this morning.

He’s got an appointment with an opiate clinic to try and get on a maintenance program. But thanks to the already-stretched South Australian health system that’s not until Thursday. Next week. Nearly another week away, thanks to those playing at home. And his doc is on Holiday until Tuesday next week.

I don’t want him lapsing back into taking the ib/co. His GI tract is still sensitive from the damage he did to it. We don’t know how well the ulcer has healed and how much irritation it would take to make it flare up again. But he needs something to hold on to until he can get into the clinic. He can’t go to work whilst he’s withdrawing, and he won’t take time off work to just let things pass through his system until he can get to the clinic. So we went to the practice that his doctor operates out of, to see another doctor and to try and get just a 5-day repeat of the oxy, or some straight codeine. Anything.

This was the response. “Oxycodone is highly addictive. I don’t prescribe addictive medications for addicts. I can refer you to drug & alcohol counselling.”

We explain we’ve spoken to them. We explain about the appointment and the fact that it’s a week away. We explain that we know oxy is addictive, but surely it’s better to be on that short-term until he can get in to his appointment at the clinic, rather than going back to taking the ib/co and possibly irritating his ulcer and ending up in hospital again?

It was like talking to a fucking brick wall. It’s just so frustrating. I mean, I get why doctors are reluctant to prescribe drugs of dependence to an addict. But seriously. What you’re saying is either go into withdrawal until your appointment - which will result in him having to take time (unpaid) off of work and possibly lead to him ending up taking the ib/co again - or just go straight back to taking the medication that nearly killed you in the first place. Two great choices there doc.

The world isn’t that black and white. There’s shades of grey. Sometimes doing something less absolutely right in the short-term is going to help someone in the long term. I really believe this is one of those situations.

Now hubby’s depressed and angry. He’s trying to get clean. He wants to do the right thing, for his own health and for me. But it seems like at every turn we’re being blocked. The fortnight it took to get in to the clinic. The fact that the clinic only operates during business hours, so he has to make an excuse to his boss about why he’s going to have to take off for x amount of time each time they want him in there. His own Dr being on holiday, then this Dr refusing to help in any meaningful way.

I’m depressed and angry. I’ve lived with my husband’s addiction for two years. I’ve enabled him. I’m feeling guilty for that. A fortnight ago, I thought I would be a widow before I hit 24. We haven’t been intimate since before he went into hospital, because of the obvious but also because the medication he was given was just enough to keep him functioning. It certainly wasn’t enough to make him feel romantic or intimate. I’ve been having my own problems with a latent anxiety disorder flaring up into full panic attacks. But I can’t lean too hard on him because I’m the one meant to be supporting him. I want my husband back. I want him to not be constantly in pain, constantly depressed or scared. I want to fix this problem for him. But I can’t. I’m helpless and I hate it.

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{{{Sierra Indigo}}}

I am sorry things are still so hard for you. I can’t offer any useful advice, but I wanted you to know that I have been following your story and praying for you and your husband to find a way through these problems and out into a more peaceful life.

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{{{{{Sierra Indigo}}}}}

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Oh, jeez. I’m so sorry. {{{Sierra Indigo}}}

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I’m so sorry for your troubles. I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes. Is there a rehab clinic he can check into? There’s got to be something he can do. Someone who can monitor the withdrawal and the medical issues simultaneously. Jeeeez…what a mess. Does his employer know the situation? Maybe there’s someone there who can get through the red tape and get him some assistance.

Sorry if I’m asking silly questions. I didn’t read the original thread. Best of luck to you.

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** Sierra Indigo**, I’m glad your hubby is getting better and sorry that you are being frustrated in your steps to keep him clean and healthy. Don’t either of you give up the fight. I know it’s cliché but you have to take it one day at a time.

Don’t worry about the physical intimacy. That will come with time (pardon the pun). Right now the emotional intimacy and your proximity make all the difference. You are the best medicine for him. Right now he might be feeling some embarrassment for getting so far gone and is ashamed. Eventually he will be more self confident and, with your support, he’ll be the man that he always wanted to be, the kind of man you saw inside when you fell in love.

Good luck to you both.

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Damn, Sierra Indigo, I wish there was something I could do to help. :frowning:

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I know it’s rough, and it appears that Thursday is about as far as the moon, but hang in there. I wouldn’t bother asking for oxy…no doctor, in their right mind, is going to prescribe it to a known addict. Just keep bugging and asking and calling and maybe the clinic can see him sooner.

I’ll be counting down the days until next Thu.

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{{{Sierra Indigo}}} I feel for you; my mother is presently embroiled in a medical fiasco at the moment herself, so you and your husband’s story struck pretty close to home here. :frowning:

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Have you tried contacting the clinic he has the appointment at next week and explaining the problem? They at least ought to know more about addiction.

Good luck.

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Thanks for the well-wishes everyone.

The immediate problem is that it’s a long weekend in Aus. The clinic is closed, the outpatient service at the hospital where he was treated is closed, pretty much everything that we need for support is closed until Tuesday.

The reason we went to the doctor and asked for the oxycontin is because a doctor at that surgery already gave him a week’s supply, before we knew it would be a fortnight until he could get into the clinic. He tried to stretch out the oxy, but wasn’t able to in the end. So we (obviously wrongly) thought that a doctor from the same practice would see the records and be compassionate enough to at least give us something - it didn’t have to be oxy, hell we would have settled for just a codeine tablet, just anything that didn’t have the ibuprofen in it - to last the week until he can get in to the clinic.

He hasn’t and doesn’t want to tell his bosses what’s going on. He would prefer they just think it’s follow-up from the ulcer and leave it at that. He’s afraid he’ll lose his job if he tells them. I think he at least needs to let his boss know, but again he’s the one who makes these decisions and I can’t force him.

Right now I just feel really let down by our system. He wants to get clean, but he wants to keep his job. There are ways this can be done. Because it’s codeine and not heroin or something like that he can get outpatient treatment. But the clinics are never open after hours or on weekends, so he has to go during work time. The clinics are all located in out of the way locations, luckily there’s one near where he’s working now, but his job often changes locations and there isn’t a clinic near the other offices where he sometimes has to work. Then there’s the hospital not releasing his records - like they promised to. And the inconsistent messages we’re getting from doctors. One says he’ll give my husband something to carry him until he can get to the clinic. Another flat out refuses to prescribe something another doctor has already prescribed. All because he’s got a personal bugbear about addictive substances.

Right now I’m just venting. I need some time for me, but I can’t really take it. I want to get him in to treatment first, then I’ll worry about me.

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Still pulling for you baby! One thing at a time.

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I’m so sorry for you, Sierra Indigo.

I think you’re right, that his boss needs to know a little more if they’re to give him the time off he needs. It doesn’t even need to be the whole truth - he could tell them that he’s having negative and harmful reactions to the medication he needs to be on and there’s going to have to be some tweaking of dosages/medications … something like that? As long as the boss realises that we’re not talking minor side-effects (‘oh, SierraHusband feels a little headachy - boo hoo’) but things that can and will get him hospitalised if they’re bad enough, I’d expect he’d be sympathetic and supportive.

I can understand that your husband doesn’t want to admit the whole truth of the problem, but he’s going to need to at least give some kind of explanation or his boss will very quickly lose patience.

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Okay, sweetie, we’re past Thursday. What’s the status?

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Missed the bump - I don’t have the dope at work any more!

Things are going so much better. Hubby’s found an absolutely wonderful doctor. I’d like to kiss this man.

Hubby’s going to the Drug & Alcohol clinic, he starts maintenance this Friday. Which meant he’s been nearly three weeks out of hospital now. The doc hubby’s found has been working with him on a weekly basis and has actually been prescribing the oxy for him to keep him going until the D&A maintenance starts.

But the wonderful part about it is that the doc has said if there’s any trouble with D&A, for hubby to come back to him and they’ll work something out. The biggest issue for hubby is that D&A are only open during business hours, dosing times are only from 9am 'til midday. That’s fine if you’re on the dole and trying to get clean. Not so good if you’re trying to work and get clean. The doc has said if it gets too difficult trying to juggle work and the clinic to come back and see him, and he’ll try and work out a more “hands off” step-down program that hubby can work through at home.

Hubby does realise how close he came to dying, and this has scared the shit out of him. Between the D&A clinic and the support from his doctor, I’m hoping he’s now at a place where he can finally kick this thing for good.

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Thank you for the update. I’m glad to hear things are going better, and best of luck to the both of you.

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I’m so glad to hear you’ve found a good doctor! That can make all the difference - particularly to your husband’s outlook.

When you’re being treated by someone who obviously doesn’t care, it makes it hard for YOU to care. When they take a genuine interest, you start feeling like maybe you deserve to get better. It’s a huge psychological benefit. :slight_smile: