My husband's sick - I have no money (long).

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Please, please - do not take this as a solicitation for donations. Not that I think any of y’all would think that I’m begging, but in case anyone does I just want it out there that I have options. I’m just getting down to desperation

My husband’s chronic health problems have been intermittently chronicled in these pages.

There was the repeated trips to hospital with unspecified abdominal cramping. There was the addiction and over-use of NSAIDs, which lead to the aforementioned. There was the duodenal ulcer that suddenly eroded a blood vessel and led to a week in the ICU and several units of blood.

In the last 12 months the NSAID abuse has stopped.

But there’s been another several trips to hospital. Each one lasting from a week to two weeks, with at least a week of recovery time. There’s been about six blood transfusions. Xrays. Appointments with a renal specialist. God knows how many endoscopies. He had community-acquired pneumonia in October/November last year and still has a persistent cough and noise on his lung.

He has recurring anemia, renal acidosis, heartburn/reflux. He’s 6’2" tall and at the moment weighs under 56kg (114 pounds). When he’s “not” sick, he tries to eat as much as he can. He eats high calorie foods, drinks nutritional milkshakes. Nothing goes into him. He doesn’t gain weight. Then he gets sick again (“not” sick is just a less obvious form of sick).

He’s been in and out of one hospital so many times in the last 12 months. They keep getting him just well enough to stand on his own two feet, then they go “Well, you look better so off you go and hopefully you won’t come back”

But they don’t know what’s wrong. They don’t send him home with any long-term care plans. Just a recommendation to keep going to his GP for blood tests and the occasional follow-up endoscopy (“It shows nothing except some gastritis”) or rental appointment.

He only got out of hospital on the 12th of February. By the 20th he was complaining of constant abdominal pain. He vomited within an hour of eating anything. He tried to go to work on Monday the 23rd, he could barely stand up because of the pain. My grandparents had to fetch him from work and carry him to the hospital.

They thought it was a bowel obstruction. Xrays and CT scans seemed to support this. They tried to treat it medically, but on Wednesday the pain started escalating. He was constantly on high doses of morphine and it wasn’t even touching the pain. On Thursday they decided to operate. At 1820 on Thursday night I left as they wheeled him down into theater.

Yesterday I spoke to one of the doctors looking after him. They opened him up, but couldn’t find anything inside. Does it mean he was just constipated & they cleared that out and consider it “nothing”? I don’t know. There was some inflammation in his gut, but no adhesions or obvious causes of the blockage. Some lymph nodes were swollen and taken out, and we’re waiting biopsies, but they think they’re reactively swollen - because he’s sick, he’s not sick because of them.

They can’t tell us what’s wrong with him. Why he’s so sick. Why he’s staying sick.

It’s my 25th birthday next Sunday.

He’s a contractor. He gets paid well. When he works.

His boss let him keep his job after the last instance in hospital. But now he hasn’t been at work in a month. He was in hospital for two weeks, home for a week, now he’s in hospital again for another week and will be for at least another week or two.

I’m the sole income provider now.

But we have a problem. We’ve just moved, into a new house. That we bought. Our homeloan repayments are $80/week more than what our rent was. We’ve had to run up some other bills in the process of moving. Paying off the finalised utilities bills at the old house. Paying movers. Paying for new utilities at the new house. We had to buy a portable airconditioner for this place, because it has no built-in aircon and we had the heatwave of several 40+ degree days in a row, immediately after we moved in.

I can cover the normal bills and the homeloan repayments on my salary alone. Just. With just enough money for food if we eat like students. Which is do-able.

But I rely on his income to pay extra incidentals. Like the extra bills that have popped up because of moving. To allow us to spend a bit more on groceries so we have nice food to eat.

I’ve just been put on antidepressants by my GP. He thinks I may be bipolar, but wants to try me on some general antidepressants before moving into that area. So that’s another $30 I just had to pay last night.

When my husband gets out of hospital, he will need medication.

With him not working, and the extra bills associated with moving, I’m now in trouble.

Not entirely. I have $37 in my general account. I have an overdraft of $1000 on my old savings account. But I’m already $600 into that overdraft.

I still haven’t done the grocery shopping this week.

It’s payday this week, but not until Thursday. At the very least, I need to pick up some staples and cat food. I probably need about $100 to comfortably cover everything.

If I use my old savings account to do that, I’m over $700 into a $1000 overdraft. I don’t like that feeling.

I don’t have $100 in my general account.

At the moment, I have $520 available as a redraw balance in my home loan account.

So do I run my overdraft into the ground and try and build it back up by scrimping and saving where I can?

Do I go to my mum or grandparents (who are pensioners) and ask for a couple of hundred dollars to last me until payday - with the understanding on their part that I would only be able to pay back a minimal amount each fortnight?

Do I get desperate and raid the redraw balance on my home loan, bump those payments down to the minimum that I can and just work hard to keep us skimming along the top of the water until my husband is better and is able to find work again?

We haven’t hit rock bottom. I can keep us treading water. But we’ll only just be keeping our noses above the waterline. Another big hit and we’ll sink.

2

{{SI}}

This puts my problems in perspective.

IANAD but I’d suggest that your husband needs to eat fat, not protein.

3

When he can eat, he eats what he can.

He drinks full-fat milk, eats red meat with fat on (lamb and steak). He eats cheese and bread. He eats what the dieticians tell him to.

The problem is there’s great swathes of time where he loses his appetite completely. Usually that’s a pre-cursor to going back into hospital, but sometimes it’s just because of the acid and anemia.

The other problem is that they think (maybe) that there’s some sort of malabsorbtion issue. When nutrition gets put directly into him (through a drip) he seems to pick up.

When he feeds himself, it doesn’t seem to work so well.

But I’ve just had a headdesk moment too. We still have about $400 of our security bond owed back to us by the real estate tribunal, and I’ve sent off the form to get that back on Friday. I don’t know how long it will take them, but if I can get another couple of hundred dollars from somewhere, that will (for now) get us out of any immediate danger. I completely blanked on that money being available soon. Though I still do need to find a bit more money to get us completely out of the woods.

Also, my cat just farted. It smells like he’s dead and hasn’t realised it yet.

4

I’m sorry to hear your news. Here’s a wish that things improve! Sending supporting thoughts your way.

5

I take it you’re in Australia? Afraid I can’t offer any info on legal options down there.

From a more pragmatic point of view, do you have an extra room you could possibly rent to a student, preferably a grad student? That wouldn’t necessarily be easy…a stranger in your home never is…but it might give you something of a safety net, income wise. Could your husband swing any type of part-time work? Even a few hours a week might generate enough income to make ends meet…

6

We do have two spare rooms, though they are filled with crap at the moment. We still haven’t unpacked everything from moving (we moved and my husband went into hospital a week or so later).

Renting out a spare room is an option, but that would be last-ditch-bottom-of-the-barrel stylie. Especially if he will be home recuperating, we really don’t need another person in the house if we can avoid it. But it’s something that I have been keeping in mind.

I have a lead on some home-based work that I may be able to get some more details of for when he gets out of hospital. That would be ideal, as he’d be able to rest as much as possible and only work when he feels like it - he’d keep himself in cig money (though I entertain the vague hope that if they keep him in hospital long enough, he might kick the habit. Though that’s very unlikely), and be able to put a touch toward bills.

A part-time job would be our second option, but I’d only be happy with him going back to work if we knew he was completely better. The problem in the past has been him feeling a bit better, going back to work, and the exertion of just going in to an office each day (he’s a desk jockey) was enough to make him ill again.

At the moment I couldn’t get a second job, because looking after him & going to hospital is a full-time second job already. But if he’s home and getting healthy, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that I could get a 2nd job in the evenings, for the time being. Even a couple of hours a night would help. If I could find some data entry or mail sorting or something stupidly mindless like that, I wouldn’t have too many issues.

7

Are you eligible for any sort of carer’s allowance? It may be worth checking with Centrelink.

8

I have no advice - just sending some love.

You’re a strong young woman to be able to function through these worries. I’m glad this forum is here - you have to let it out somewhere and sometimes speaking your fears makes them just a little easier to deal with.

Hugs.

9

http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/internet.nsf/payments/qual_how_caadult.htm

Carer Allowance is about $200 a month and not means tested.

10

When he had the pneumonia, we tried with Centrelink, but something about the nature of his illness meant we were ineligible.

Once we’re through the acute part of this, I’ll be talking with his doctors & someone at the hospital to see if it’s worth trying again. I believe it was something to do with the length of the illness, and whether they believe it’s a long-term thing or not. I think. I can’t remember exactly what it was.

Thanks for all the well-wishes. jali, you’re right when you say it’s good to get things out here. Over the last year I’ve been so glad that I’ve had this community to share things with, it has helped immeasurably.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have support from my family. But it’s nice to have someone who’s not so immediately involved, just to listen for a while.

11

It needs to be an ongoing longterm severe illness and it sounds like you are crossing into this territory. Do not wait until things settle as it’s not paid retrospectively in full. C/L will send you the forms and if his doctors can fill it out and you lodge them, then you will be paid from the time of lodgement. Another reason to lodge them is that if you are granted CA even after an appeal, chances are that carers are going to get bonuses in the Budget and as long as your application is in, you qualify for the bonus once it’s granted.

Part of the application is a functional analysis and do not downplay the effects on you of providing extra care when you fill that in. I’m trying to find the bit that tells you how long the condition needs to look like it will continue for but I’m having no luck. What a surprise on the C/L site! I think for kids, the condition needs to be permanent or will last for 2 years.

12

It would be a good idea to request to see the hospital social worker. They generally will be able to help you assess what options are available (ie centrelink etc…) Some social workers are good and some are crap but it is worth a try. It is amazing that many people don’t even know they are available and what services they offer. If that doesn’t work out go to your nearest community health centre and make an appointement with the SW there.
Good luck

13

Mr Bathsheba says there is a number at your work you can call, something like “Sierraindigo’s/MrBathsheba’sworkplace Peopleline”. He says it’s on the pink piece of paper shaped like a telephone. Some-one in his office rang them last week and they were very helpful. They have financial advisers, welfare advisers and counsellors etc - all free and ready and willing to listen. He assures me it’s confidential and nothing goes back to your place of work.

Chin up. Husband will be well soon and this will be behind you.

14

{{{Sierra Indigo}}}

Best wishes to you…

Also, take care of yourself and watch for increased signs of depression or mania. In some patients (like myself, for instance) anti-depressants can make bipolar mood swings much more dramatic and cause them to occur more frequently.

15

After the weekend I will be trying to schedule a meeting with his doctors AND the social worker, to see where we can/should go from here.

The doctors so they can tell me if we’re at the point where his illness is considered as a long-term, ongoing illness, and the social worker to help with the centrelink side of things, as well as other social assistance we’re going to need when he gets home.

On the plus side, he’s gonna have a totally bitchin’ scar. It’s about six inches long, right down the middle of his belly.

**bathsheba **- was **mrbathsheba **talking about the EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? Otherwise I’m not sure what he’s referring to. My workplace has a lack of pink telephone-shaped papers. But if there’s something besides the EAP that he thinks I should have access too, that’d be helpful as well.

I feel like I’m on a huge see-saw at the moment. I go up, I go down. I’m just hoping that the RAH can actually do something to help us, because the Mac certainly didn’t. And he can’t keep going on like this, we need an answer to find out what’s wrong.

[ETA]: Thank you, Always Brings Pie. Luckily, I have got my mum looking out for me. It was her suggestion that I go to the doctor and talk to them about my moods, because she was worried about how wild the shifts in my moods were - even when I’m not under this stress. So if I do start going off the deep end, she’ll get me straight back to the doctor ASAP.

16

Yes, that’s the one. Number is on the intranet.

I’d feel more hopeful knowing that he’s in the RAH rather than the Mac. RAH is a bigger teaching hospital with lots more senior doctor expertise available. I’ve had experience with people going back and forth to other places and then finally ending up at the RAH where they got thorough treatment.

17

Cool, thanks. I’ve spoken to the EAP before - both a couple of weeks ago in a phone consult, and a couple of years ago I dealt with a similar EAP when I was working with Optus.

I didn’t know they did financial counselling, though. That might be more useful to me at the moment. I’m not really at the talking about my feelings stage yet, apart from occasional venting here.

The wards and rooms at the RAH are pretty old and a bit shabby, but so far the treatment seems to have been a lot better. And only about 2 people have asked about his genetic disorder, and they haven’t let it colour their impressions of what’s actually going on. That was a big problem at the Mac. They ask about what he’s got (Stickler’s Syndrome if anyone’s interested), and spend all their time trying to blame that for what’s going wrong with him, rather than exploring what else could be the problem.

18

This sounds a lot like what my brother-in-law went through. More than a year of losing weight, constant pain and weird symptoms. They tested him for every abdominal condition, cancer, rare diseases and mutations. In the end, it turned out to be a huge battery of allergies (including a wide variety of vegetables, grains, potatoes and fruits). It was such a relief that they finally found out what it was, but so many doctors kept saying that they’d never seen such odd symptoms for allergies. And, of course, all of his attempts to “eat healthily” had made things much worse.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that it has any bearing on what your husband is going through, but do keep the faith. They will eventually find out what’s wrong, and you’ll be able to get things back on track.

19

I’m sorry you’re going through all this, SI. Is there any chance this is Crohn’s Disease?

20

Has he been checked for celiac disease?