And as i look around my chair i realize...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Pellicans trip.

Everyone has thrown up in their life, everyone

Someone looked at a crab and decided to eat it.

Someone did the same thing, with a clam.

Someone decided to suck on a cow.

At any moment, someone could trip and land on you, you just never know.

Peacocks get gas.

Alexander Bell thought people should answer the phone by saying “ahoy”

Lisa Simpsons voice is done by the same woman who played what’s her name on Hermans Head.

There are babies named “Gary”.

The stairwell in the local arena smells like piss. It has smelled that was for as long as i can remember. It probably will smell that way long after i’m gone. I just wish to god i knew why.

The Queen of England farts.

TLC and A&E have sold out

So has Dave Matthews

People put way too much faith in clocks

My dog likes whiskey

Someone, somewhere, is thinking about <fill in the blank> , right now.

And all this, i realised just looking around where i’m sitting, what have you got?

2

How did anyone ever find the right way to prepare a puffer fish so that it doesn’t poison you when eaten? They had to keep trying until they got it right.

Someone had to have the balls to try limburger cheese the first time.

I realize how little I’ve done with my life when I remember that at my age, Mozart had been DEAD for 6 years.

And Shakespeare had already written Romeo and Juliet.

3

I find all of these very amusing… whether it’s actually funny or just that I need sleep is beyond me.

4

I can’t count how many times people have said that to me

5

-Right at this instant, a LOT of people are getting laid! And I’m not one of them. :frowning:

-the VAST majority of people living now, or who have ever lived, have/had worse lives than me!

-God could be posting here at SDMB, and he’d probably use a pseudonym so you wouldn’t know who it was that you just called a moron in the Pit!

-somebody was the first person to eat yoghurt.

-I waste a lot of time and money on weird, foolish things.

6

It’s the babies named Gary that just freaks me out. That just seems so incongruous somehow. And I applaud you for thinking of it.

Then again, in the continuing quest for quality band names, “Babies Named Gary” rocks.

7

Ah, the allure of stray, perhaps stupid, thoughts…

There are three copies of “Final Exit” in my local used book store.

The comic strip “Mary Worth” has been around longer than I’ve been alive, yet I don’t think it’s actually reached a plot point yet.

“Sambo’s” restaraunts were socially correct at one time. In fact, nobody thought twice about them.

I had to be born within the only fourty year period of human history where twenty extra pounds are not viewed as a sign of prosparity.

The 96 pound snugglebunny of a dog warming my feet right now has inch long fangs and could probably kill me if it had half a mind to.

8

I looked around my chair. Actually, I looked around in my chair. You, see, my chair swivels. I don’t even have to get up to look around. I looked around several times.

I have come to the realization that I’m dizzy.

9

Upon further study, I realize that, if I look around in my chair long enough, when I stop the world continues to look around me.

And my tummy feels funny.

10

UphamThis is really disconcerting. Or I am really weird. But it’s kind of surreal too - really cool thread my man!

I just realized I am going to have to look up “weird” in my dictionary to figure out if I spelled it right.

I wonder who came up with the name “RayOVac” for batteries and what it means.

I have never seen a jaz drive.

Someone, somewhere just died.

Someone, somewhere was just born.

There’s a fire truck going down the street all-balls-out - somebone’s house is on fire. I hope they are ok.

I have a headache.

I wonder if there are any bugs in my terrarium. I hate bugs.

Someone, somewhere, is playing in the snow.

I wish my dog was here.

I’m lonely.

11

[I have never seen a pelican trip. Sounds intriguing.]

I have one pencil cup filled with pencils (points up), one with pens (points up and down), one with scissors, and one with rulers. I have no idea how they got segregated.

The binder dividers have a separate file for “Mc”, but not “Mac” or “O’”. Wonder why.

Someone took my Oscar Meyer “Wiener Whistle” from the top of my computer. My Wiener Whistle is missing.

Linen suits wrinkle very badly.

12

…The top people where I work make more per day than I do per month.

…I make more per day than many third-world people do per month.

…my cats are mortal :frowning:

…the majority of people alive today have absolutely no idea that I exist.

…rhubarb and kumquats are really funny-sounding foods.

…somewhere, right now, someone is having the worst day of their life.

…somewhere, right now, someone is having the best day of their life.

…right here, right now, I am having a day of my life.

13

Nabisco is short for National Biscuit Company.

Carry on…

14

I look at my brand new cable telephone/tv socket(less than 2 hours ago) and realise - I haven’t got the slightest clue how to connect my modem to it(or what I need to make it work at all)

Is this monitor really big enough ?

Wish it was March 1st and I could go and collect my new bike.

15

Did my friend Cheryl and I really show our goods to each other at age 8 or did I read about that in a story somewhere.

There are people who used to watch Three’s Company on TV.

I have a Neal Stephenson book on my desk that a friend says I should read. All I can think is “too many pages.”

I am not the center the universe. And neither are you.

My wife doesn’t understand me. My daughter doesn’t understand me. My cat does.

I didn’t “get” The Matrix.

Last night I looked in my kid’s colored pencil box and found 5 of my pencils from jr. high (30 years old). Gray, yellow, dark yellow, green, and purply pink. I spent 2 hours drawing a funky still life of my family room. I actually consider it time well-spent.

16

Compasses don’t work on the moon, so if you got separated from your landing craft, you’d die alone and scared.

I’m never going to be rich or famous.

The only really worthwhile thing I’ve ever done in my life is to have fathered my daughter. And one day she’ll blame me for ruining her life.

Just because an idea’s stupid doesn’t mean it won’t work.

17

No, but bread crumbs trails would work great. There are no birds to eat them.

18

Yes, but they might attract bugs. I wouldn’t be surprised if cockroaches could live on the moon; they are nearly everywhere else.

I am now picturing an inhabitant of the moon cursing us for not picking up after ourselves.

19

…that I don’t work here anymore.

20

Maybe I’m a sicko, but I have elaborate daydreams wherein I get to die on the Moon. I might be alone, I might be scared, but I’d be thinking to myself, “Well, at least I get to die on the Moon.”

And while I’m daydreaming about dying in the Moon, there are people who would kill to have the job I have. . . and I hate it.