A hunter goes into the woods with a rifle to hunt. He spots a bear and fires at it, but misses. Enraged, the bear charges the hunter, throws him over a fallen log and screws him in the butt.
The next day, the angry hunter comes back with a shotgun. He misses the bear again, and the bear again rapes the hunter before heading back to his cave.
The next day the hunter brings along a bazooka, but he still can’t hit the bear with his shot. The bear grabs the hunter, bends him over the log and says “You’re not really coming hear to hunt, are ya?”
[Veronica is looking at a trophy case.]
Weevil: If you’re looking for my trophy, it’s back by auto shop.
Veronica: Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hub caps?
Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims, baby.
Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?
Weevil: Forget it. Look, I got some information for you.
Veronica: Finally! A Deep Throat to call my own.
Weevil: I’m not going to touch that one.
I swear, not more than a week ago on Match Game (74 I think), Richard Dawson, almost assuredly under the influence on scotch and God knows what else, made a comment about having sex with Pebbles and Bam-Bam. I can’t recall specifics, but I thought it was pretty bizarre.
There was the episode of Smallville where Chloe, sort of under the influence, tells a scientist to do a translation because he’s “the cunning linguist”.
I know this has been corrected a few times, but none of them were right.
It was the episode where Burns puts together an allstar-calibre softball team, the drink was an old-fashioned health tonic (which Burns said ‘in rare cases has been known to cause gigantism’), and the utterer of the line was Ken Griffey, Jr.
Later in the episode Junior’s in the hospital with gigantism.
Since my vote would be “Sneed’s Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck’s),” but that’s done, I’ll throw out something from last week’s SNL Weekend Update:
“The name of a new restaurant in Scottsdale is stirring up some trouble. The Las Vegas-based Pink Taco Mexican Restaurant is scheduled to open its second location in downtown Scottsdale in June - just south of the Hooters.”
My vote goes to an episode of “The Golden Girls”. Bea Arthur’s character goes to visit a student of her’s who is in the hospital with a broken arm. While there she reads the inscriptions on his cast and says “Let’s just change that one to [Teacher’s name] eats shit…ake mushrooms, OK?” Pretty surprising for a mid 80s sitcom, I was stunned that they got away with it.
Actually, the Kenny Everett Show was British, made by Thames TV, and that may be one of the milder jokes (this is a show where one of the characters was called Cupid Stunt, after all). Try this:
Carla: “Captain, can I use your dictaphone?”
Kremmen: “No Carla, use your finger like everyone else!”
Bear in mind, this programme was broadcast around 7.30 in the evening.
Nowhere near making the top of this list, and not really all that shocking, but, I loved the scene on House where you see Wilson pacing around the outside of House’s apartment for what is obviously a long time, and finally getting fed up and opening the door.
(paraphrased)
Wilson: So where is she?
House: Who?
Wilson: You said not to come in when you have a tie on the door because it means you’re having sex!
House: I never said it was with another person.
One from The Critic: Orson Welles is doing a commercial for Rosebud Frozen Peas. “Full of country goodness and green peaness. …Wait, that’s terrible, I quit.”
While none of these are nearly as dirty as some of the jokes previously mentioned in this thread, I’m willing the bet that Gilmore Girls has the dirtest jokes among TV shows paid for by the Family Friendly Programming Council!
(Sookie is the chef at the Inn which Lorelai manages)
(Rory is Lorelai’s daughter)
(Rory has just been accepted to an exclusive prep school)
There was another gag on the Simpson’s Christmas episode with the ball-sack joke that I also couldn’t believe got on the air, but I don’t remember it.
In another Simpsons episode, Homer was telling Burns how a zoo had two male pandas and got them to mate, successfully. Burns then expresses contempt for those “Chinese bamboo gobblers.”
