Another MAS*H one:
Whilst in the operating room, Hawkeye is hitting on the nurses as usual.
Frank: “Are you gonna knock that off?”
Hawkeye: “That’s what I’m trying to find out!”
One more from Family Guy, because it’s just so easy: In the episode where Lois becomes a stripper, she walks into a bar and somebody shouts “Hey, take your jacket off!” Then everybody chants “Jacket off! Jacket off!” I didn’t get that joke until the second time I saw the episode.
There was a great joke on The Daily Show a few months back. They showed a clip of Sharon Stone saying “I was asked to come here, and I came in my faith” then Jon says “I’m just gonna hope she doesn’t have a lisp.” The best part was the 5 seconds of silence followed by laughter and applause as everybody (including me) finally got the joke.
And I just realized, that one doesn’t count because it wasn’t on network TV. Never mind. It was still funny.
I admit nothing.
What, you’re going to pay attention to the OP? But nobody ELSE is. :wally
Intertestingly, in his column, Cecil gives no better cite than Groucho’s memoirs. I wonder, has anyone ever actually heard the famous exchange? I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it had been made up for the book; Hollywood memoirs are not noted for their veracity.
I wasn’t planning on contributing to this thread…but a **Friends ** episode just played that definitely qualifies: the plot threads are Chandler’s inability to cry, and Phoebe is a porn star (actually, it’s her twin, Ursula). Ross & Joey burst in with videos (porn) in a bag.
Monica: You got movies.
Chandler: These aren’t the kind of movies that’ll have us reaching for the tissues all night, are they?
Ross & Joey: Uh…
It certainly wasn’t made up for the book. The Secret Word Is Groucho was published in 1976; I first heard the “I like my cigar, too” story in grade school in the '60s.
Another one from Friends; Monica is sleeping with Richard, her parents’ friend who is the same age as they are. The parents know that Ricard is dating a young woman, but don’t know it’s their daughter. Her brother Ross knows. In the meantime, Jack has bought a red sports car.
Monica’s Dad to Richard: I tell you what, Richard. Why don’t I lend you my new sports car and you lend me…"
Ross interupts with “Dad, I’m begging you, do not finish that sentence.”
There was a British anthology comedy called Murder Most Horrid, and it ran on at least one PBS station. Dawn French was the only regular cast member, and she was a different character every time. (Had to be, since there were multiple, grissly deaths in every episode.)
In one episode, Dawn plays a frumpy, naive woman who is about to kill herself. She accidentally foils the plans of Amanda Donahoe, a worldly, sexy, leather-clad assassin who’s trying to shoot someone in the building across the street. Amanda convinces Dawn to carry out the job in her place, and gets her kitted out with all the secret, James-Bond style weapons, and a hidden, two-way radio so she can receive instructions on how to sneak into the building.
In the lobby of the building, Dawn sees a security guard.
DAWN (over the radio): There’s a security guard. How do I get past him?
AMANDA: Just ask him where the bathroom is. It’s just a dumb guard, all they really need is a blow job.
DAWN (to guard): What you really need is a blow job. Where’s the bathroom?
(The guard points. Dawn starts walking that way. The guard follows.)
DAWN (over the radio): What’s a blow job?
AMANDA: You don’t know what a blow job is?
DAWN: No, what is it?
AMANDA: It’s oral stimulation of the genitals.
DAWN (amazed): Really?
(Looks back over her shoulder at the guard.)
DAWN: You wouldn’t think he could reach.
I’ll always remember the bit where Lois knocks on Quagmire’s door, and he opens it wearing only a bathrobe. I can’t remember what the conversation was, but Quagmire says, “Hold on, let me get my keys.” While he stands there grinning at Lois, his right hand (off the bottom of the screen) starts a-gropin’, front and back, for way WAY longer than necessary. Finally, he says, “Oh, here they are,” and reveals his keys in his LEFT hand, which was behind the door frame all along.
The best part about this was that on one of the very last episodes, we see GOB on his boat, and we see the back of the boat a few times. The boat’s name is clearly painted across the back:
THE C-WORD