I could have done this in Cafe Society, I guess, but what the hell.
You may have already seen this on Twitter or Facebook; author Marc Laidlaw has theorized that most, if not all, books can be vastly improved by inserting “And then the murders began” as the second sentence.
So, the game here is to pick an opening line of a book - or, heck, a well known short story or novella, why not? - and then make “And then the murders began” the second sentence. Do not post the title of the book or author, it’s more fun if you just flat type it. Trust me; most of the ones you’ll think of right away have been done, but don’t worry about it, post 'em anyway and let’s get them all. I’ll start with the next post.
[If we’re to guess the titles, that’s Moby Dick.]
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. And then the murders began.
The two-sentence Bible.
“On those days when the wind stops blowing across the face of the southern plains, the land falls into a silence that scares people in the way that a big house can haunt after the lights go out and no one else is there. And then the murders began.”
“Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo. And then the murders began."
“Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler’s pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die. And then the murders began.”
“Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. And then the murders began.”
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. And then the murders began.
“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. And then the murders began.”
“I come no more to make you laugh: things now, that bear a weighty and a serious brow, sad, high, and working, full of state and woe, such noble scenes as draw the eye to flow, we now present. And then the murders began.”
The two I was teeing up. I didn’t think Fight Club would work … or it would work to well, either way.
Uh, how about (this kind of sums up the book in two sentences too):
“In the week before their departure to Arrakis, when all the final scurrying about had reached a nearly unbearable frenzy, an old crone came to visit the mother of the boy, Paul. And then the murders began.”
When Chili first came to Miami Beach twelve years ago, they were having one of their off-and-on cold winters; thirty-four degrees the day he met Tommy Carlo for lunch at Vesuvio’s on South Collins and had his leather jacket ripped off. And then the murders began.