I have always felt Ann Landers enjoyed being whipped with a wet noodle entirely too much.
She is not welcome in my home. We’ll have none of that around here.
That’ll fix her!
This is absurd.
Yes, your analogies do lead to an absurd conclusion – glad you admitted it. 
I guess sometimes you gotta score your points anyway you can, cajo. Very clever, keep it up.
I think Ann was remarkably insensitive to the repercussions of what she said to “Hurting in Ohio”. This woman only came out to her family a short time ago, and may have been very unsure of herself and her new status with the family, and her sister’s violent rejection of her, her lifestyle, and her loved one must have hurt very deeply. (I don’t know how hard coming out is, but I imagine it’s not an easy thing to do.) I would almost go so far as to say this would be a scarring incident for “Hurting.” It’s certainly something she’ll never forget. Never mind who was right or wrong; a sister hurt another sister when she was at a fragile point in her life, and Ann’s advice didn’t seem to address this at all. To me, that would be the germane point of this whole episode. Of course, this is an incredibly complex issue like most human interactions, and not likely to be solved with a two-paragraph answer in a newspaper. :rolleyes:
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t dream of resting my hand on my wife’s knee or thigh or whatever at a family gathering. In my family, it’s just not done. Hugs and pecks on the cheek are okay – other PDA touches are not. Just how we are.
Perhaps HIO’s family has a similar set of mores. I’m sure the lesbian factor plays a role, too, based on the article, but maybe that’s just compounding the overall PDA situation.
If I may use your family as an exmaple, Sauron . . .
Would your family freak out and ban you from their homes if you did rest your hand on your wife’s leg? What if you hugged or pecked your gay partner, like all the hetero couples?
“Ohio” did not say whether her gesture would have been acceptable for a hetero couple. But based on the sister’s strong reaction, it seems clear that we have homophobia at work here.
Izzy, you’re still not getting it. “Ohio’s” sister and Ann think that “Ohio” should stifle herself just to make the family happy. And apologize for a harmless gesture that would likely have been acceptable if the owner (or toucher) of the leg had been of the opposite sex. That’s just plain wrong.
I have to disagree with Sua. Even if the sister is out and everyone who knows of it approves, she should have asked beore she flaunts it. PDAs among gays does not generally sit well even with many who tolerates it. A more apt analogy is kids seeing their own parents’ showing affection for each other. Although it is encouraged that the parents do show affection a lot, and the kids generally do desire that their parents love each other and the kids, the PDA still racks the kid’s brains for some peculiar reason. It is probably the shock value, who knows. My point is that PDAs among gays does elicit that similar reaction among those who do tolerate the fact that there are gays among the family. It strikes them as peculiar and shocking. Gays are accepted, but not that way, yet.
This dynamic of human behaviour of course requires more than a 2-paragraph treatment in a newspaper column.
And when asked how to resolve the problem, Ann, in all her supposed wisdom, told HIO to not do it again and apologize.
Instead, Ann should have told HIO to say she was sorry and never repeat the behaviour. 
It’s pretty clear that Ann, and several of the posters to this thread (e.g. IzzyR) think that making someone uncomfortable by being homosexual is much worse than making someone uncomfortable about being homosexual.
It sounds like all HIO did was relax and act like herself around her sister. She’s gay. She loves her girlfriend. It’s natural (for many people, including myself) to casually touch loved ones without even thinking about it. Especially since it must have been stressful for the girlfriend to meet HIO’s homophobic family. A reassuring pat on the leg sounds pretty unavoidable, in that situation.
It’s reasonable for HIO’s sister to be uncomfortable when faced with evidence of HIO’s homosexuality. It’s not reasonable for her to throw a complete fit, just like it would have been unreasonable for HIO to throw a huge fit if (e.g.) she’d seen her sister exchange a look with her husband when the leg touch occurred. A little patience goes a long way.
I don’t know how “clear” this is in my case. In fact, I’m unsure of what this means altogether.
Ann Landers: Bitch
Is out of line and overstated!
She may have not given the best advice on this one, but she has been a long time supporter of gay and lesbian issues. I remember when I was in grammer school (back in the 60’s) her gay positive attitude was a welcome relief to the other messages I was getting. She has always urged parents to accept their gay children, and supports equal rights for all.
I don’t agree with everything she says, but she meant a lot to this gay kid, and overall I still hold her in high regard.
Izzy, a whole squadron of fighter jets just flew over your head in a giant WOOSH.
Seriously, who CARES if someone touches someone’s leg? Jesus, my mom will pat my knee if I’m sitting beside her. I had a professor pat my foot to emphasize a point when I was sitting across from him and I had my feet up. You pat people on the shoulder all the time.
Jesus Christ on WHEELS, Ann has to go. Forget the fucking noodle, and start slapping her with stale breadsticks.
Sorry, Eve. I meant the other shrivelled old bat. 
It “means” that from reading your posts, I got the impression that you felt that way, based on what you chose to defend and how you defended it. (I also got the impression that you’re sort of a dick. But that’s just a guess, I could be wrong.)
Don’t worry - Ann will receive a slew of letters in the mail telling her she was off the mark, and she will contradict herself. She always does. This is why I don’t bother reading her anymore.
I’m starting to read more of Miss Manners, however…
Esprix
Nope. The phrase “fucking good-for-nothing family” is to be read in a conversational tone.
HIO could have stated her willingness to set her own hair on fire in order to preserve the peace within her family. It does not follow that her family is right in demanding she do so.
You’re missing the point pretty hard, here. It’s not simply that she’s being asked to refrain from physical displays of affection. It’s that a heterosexual member of the family wouldn’t get a second glance for putting his hand on his wife’s leg, or vice versa, but HIO was barred from ever returning to her sister’s house for the same thing. This, I think we can all agree, is unutterably rude on the part of HIO’s sister. On top of that, this insult is not only to HIO herself, but to what she most likely considers one of the most beautiful and satisfying parts of her life.
(Which brings us to your shitty analogy. You were equating love with hot dogs. Again, shitty analogy.)
So, in the face of such a profound wrong, what would Ann Landers have HIO do? “Cut that shit out. And apologize again.”
Though she may have a stellar record in addressing gay and lesbian issues, in this case Ann dropped the ball.
Ol’Ann can be insensitive to the hetero couples too.
I’m recalling this from memory, but just a few days ago the topic was the menopausal wife no longer interested in sex, and the husband who was not happy, to put it mildly.
The wife describes the various medical treatments and counseling she has tried, but she still doesn’t want sex and hubby’s still cranky.
Ann’s compassionate reply? Fake it. Get more counseling if you have to to learn to fake it.
I keep wondering if she would have told an impotent husband to buy his wife a vibrator.
Felt what way? I repeat that I don’t understand the position that you are ascribing to me.
If nothing at all else, consider this:
Most of us would agree that ‘families are important’ and that we should do what we can to preserve links to them.
which means, IMHO, that the ultimate of ‘you are banned forever from my house’ should only be used in very dire circumstances, like, say “you did drug deals in my house? you stole my bankbook and my lifes’ savings? you made me watch Jerry Springer?”, not “I’m creeped out by the thought of what you do to get your jollies”
the banning sister was way out of line. What’s next for her? “your new haircut really bothers me - BEGONE!”