So my first wedding anniversary was this week, and the most common questions asked of me were:
What did you do for your anniversary?
What did you get each other?
Now you must be told that my husband and I are poor (more than half our income goes towards rent poor), so we aren’t lavishly spending money on ourselves anyway. My husband wanted to do something, so we went out to a grill for a modest dinner, hung out at Borders, and picked up some groceries on the way home. We did not buy each other gifts (we don’t buy birthday or Christmas gifts either).
When I tell people this they always sound shocked. I heard that one friend said to another, “They musn’t love each other very much.”
That’s about the most absurd statement I’ve ever heard, and I watch LA news.
I’m not a romantic person, and I’ve always felt that anniversaries are for the people who feel relieved that they’ve made it through the first X years. When you get up to 30+ years, the reasoning becomes different (Wow, we’re still both alive after X years!)
My husband and I celebrate our marriage every day; we don’t need a special day, and we certainly don’t need other people drawing conclusions from our practices.
Bah. It’s the people who have to bend over backwards with fancy dinners and expensive presents and stuff that I wonder about.
In the 15 years that I’ve been married, about half the time our anniversary goes by without much celebration beyond a bottle of wine. Often later in the month we’ll go out to dinner or buy a special thing for our apartment, but that’s about it.
The idea that you don’t love each other much because you don’t buy lavish gifts is absurd. I am all for crass commercialism in it proper place, but that is just ridiculous. If my wife and I are saving for something for the kids or the house, we generally ask each other if we are going to exchange gifts or just put more cash towards something, and usually we just save. If you want to show love and appreciation do something cool like: if a guy - surprise her by cooking/doing laundry/washing her car/ whatever; if a girl - walk in the room naked with beer / champagne / whipped cream/ or whatever. I try to do these thing at random throughout the year (I am a guy) and am hoping my wife will do her part more frequently by my example. It’s better than flowers/candy/etc, and cheaper too. I think it takes more thought and is at least as loving a gesture if not more so. If your spouse agrees then you are set.
Mr Lunasea and I don’t exchange gifts for our anniversary. We do Christmas & birthdays, but not valentine’s day. Part of the reason for the anniversary thing is because we were married on Dec 28. I am so over the whole present thing by then anyway. We do give each other cards, and maybe get some Godiva or Ben & Jerry’s, though.
Me Kiffa wasn’t much into “ritualized gift giving celebrations” although he has seen the wisdom of doing so for the kids. I have learned that he is more than willing to give gifts when “the whim” hits him. I see a piece of jewelry and nuge him kindly and say that we could count it against the next birthday. I think we have celebrated up to 2015. It’s gotten him into the practice with confidence so I can expect to be graciously offered jewelry, books, objets d’art whenever I see something or when the whim hit…
Suo Na,
Could you come to my house and have a little talk with my wife? Our 1st anniversary is coming up next month, and the evening you described sounds perfect to me.
Seriously though, I do enjoy those little milestones. Birthdays, anniversaries etc. It’s just a convenient excuse to celebrate, even if you do “celebrate” your marriage everyday.
I wouldn’t say my wife and I are poor, but we are definitely on a budget, so we’ll make the best we can from what what little we have for our anniversary, but with creative minds (I hope) we will make it memorable. P.S. - is it just me or does anyone else find themselves pronouncing it “anniversarary” too?
Suo Na,
First, you don’t have to tell anyone what you did or did not do. If I were asked that, I would respond “We shared a wonderful private evening together and enjoyed each others company very much”. Then don’t elaborate. End of story! My husband and I had MANY lean years together where scraping up enough money for a cake was a challenge. I cherish those celebrations just as much as I cherish the anniversary band he got me last year. Always remember- lots of people like to gossip- don’t give them any ammo.