Jealous here. My last flight with Southwest had our middle-aged white flight attendant rap the safety instructions. I never prayed so hard **for ** a crash. Misery.
SWA stew: “If you press the button with the picture of a light bulb on it, your reading light will turn on. If you press the button with a picture of a flight attendant on it, nothing will happen.”
[QUOTE=Muffin]
“A spokesman for London Underground said . . .”
Note that the administrators of London Underground had to use a spokesman, rather than speak for themselves. That is because they are in fact a colony of giant naked mole rats, and as such, do not have a sense of humour, and tend to avoid interaction with the human public.
[/QUOTE]
You’d think they’d have learned a lesson - don’t get someone else to do your speaking for you…
[QUOTE=si_blakely]
If you are travelling with a child, please put on your own mask before attending to your child. If you are travelling with two children, now is the time to choose which one you love the most.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=jjimm]
…
“If you have a child, please attend to your own mask before you attend to theirs. If you have two children, perhaps now is a good time to ask yourself ‘which one do I love the most?’”
[/QUOTE]
“If you’re like me, you first try to figure out which one is most likely to support you in your old age. In that case I recommend you not neglect the middle child … sometimes they can surprise you.”
…heard on Southwest (Kansas City to Sacramento) this Spring.
Our attendant recommended his passengers choose the child with the most potential. (Frontier, Detroit to Hartford, this Spring.)
And on the return flight, they said, ‘‘If you’re traveling with children… I’m sorry.’’
This could almost turn into a Southwest Airlines announcement thread.
One I heard when we were just taxiing in after landing:
*“We’d likne to congratulate someone here today. It’s his 100th birthday and this is his first flight ever!”
(Of course, everyone applauds, after which the stewardess says…)
“So if everyone would please make sure to say happy birthday to our pilot on your way out …”
*
Quite frankly, I’d be happy to hear something funny on the DC Metro. The new lady is fine, but the entire town needs to lighten up a little.
As for airline announcements, does anyone listen to the air traffic conversations while waiting to take off? I’ve stopped, ever since one flight where the flight plans were changed four times, and then ended with this:
Pilot: Hey, you’re doing a great job.
Controller: Thanks, it’s my first day.
Always something you want to hear.
I would hire her just for that announcement. And I would broadcast it, too.
Sadly, I am not in charge of any subway systems.
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]
And on the return flight, they said, ‘‘If you’re traveling with children… I’m sorry.’’
[/QUOTE]
I got that one once, on a flight from Lubbock to Albuquerque.
On that same flight, I saw something that to this day has me profoundly amazed. You know those little seatbelts that aren’t attached to anything, the ones they use to demonstrate how to fasten them? The flight attendant held her little demo belt by the buckle in one hand, swung the dangling end up into the air, and caught the solid metal end in the buckle! I mean, those things are tough enough to fasten properly as it is, but to do it one-handed like you’re playing with a cup and ball on a string…
[QUOTE=Max Torque]
The flight attendant held her little demo belt by the buckle in one hand, swung the dangling end up into the air, and caught the solid metal end in the buckle! I mean, those things are tough enough to fasten properly as it is, but to do it one-handed like you’re playing with a cup and ball on a string…
[/QUOTE]
Perhaps it was a magic trick rather than a feat.
[QUOTE=Sage Rat]
Perhaps it was a magic trick rather than a feat.
[/QUOTE]
It was a camera trick. They film it backwards.
Didn’t SWA once get in trouble when a flight attendant was trying to get some people into a seat? She said something like, “Eeny meenie minie moe, pick a seat, we have to go.” The women, who happened to be black, said that Eeny meenie minie moe is a racist rhyme and they were offended.
Apparently, the original rhyme was Eeny meenie minie moe, catch a n----r by the toe. I’ve always heard it as catch a tiger by the toe…I would assume the politically incorrect phrasing fell out of favor decades ago, and quite probably, the flight attendant was too young to know of the original line.
[QUOTE=ivylass]
Didn’t SWA once get in trouble when a flight attendant was trying to get some people into a seat? She said something like, “Eeny meenie minie moe, pick a seat, we have to go.” The women, who happened to be black, said that Eeny meenie minie moe is a racist rhyme and they were offended.
[/quote]
Yikes. I used to sing that with my (predominantly black) classmates in elementary school. I think if anybody had told us what it meant we wouldn’t have.
In a case earlier this year, BTW, SWA was in legal trouble of some kind (maybe just civil) after kicking a particularly leggy blonde off of a flight for dressing provocatively–it happened in San Diego, so the people at the Union-Tribune interviewed her and told her side of the story. The picture of the outfit she said she wore onto the flight may not have been more conservative than the next passenger’s, but it certainly wasn’t anything offensive or lewd. Weird.
Ah, here it is.
ETA: An excellent piece of prose, BTW. I had forgotten.
[QUOTE=ivylass]
Didn’t SWA once get in trouble when a flight attendant was trying to get some people into a seat?
[/QUOTE]
Yep.
We had a long and, IIRC, rather acrimonious thread about it.
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect]
In a case earlier this year, BTW, SWA was in legal trouble of some kind (maybe just civil) after kicking a particularly leggy blonde off of a flight for dressing provocatively–it happened in San Diego, so the people at the Union-Tribune interviewed her and told her side of the story. The picture of the outfit she said she wore onto the flight may not have been more conservative than the next passenger’s, but it certainly wasn’t anything offensive or lewd. Weird.
Ah, here it is.
[/QUOTE]
Now, I don’t want you to be shocked, but the woman has parlayed her story into a Playboy appearance (nothing NSFW under link).
Emma Clarke’s website is back up now - she had to take it offline when this was in the news, as it was overwhelmed with people trying to download the clips.
[QUOTE=Max Torque]
Now, I don’t want you to be shocked, but the woman has parlayed her story into a Playboy appearance (nothing NSFW under link).
[/QUOTE]
Well, I’ll be damned. FTR, I think she’s a bit (a lot) of a butterface. YMMV.