first I dont think you are alone, I have found that even I dont like the current trends of seeing how many different and new ways we can degrade the actress. At its very core even it strikes me as being completely against what we as porners should be trying to accomplish and that is sell a fantasy…I think that very few have that fantasy but I have said many times that this industry is destined to attract two types of men, those who love women and those who hate them, of late we seem to be innundated with the ones that hate them.
As for the girls my experience has been that they will go way out of their way to try to please the director, I coach the ones that come into the biz through me to never do anything that makes you uncomfortable, even if I ask you to, you should simply say no Im not comfy with that. If I do ask it would be a mistake I always explain the scene to her up front, everything that is expected and ask is she comfy with everything and if not what do I need to change…It works better that way…I get better scenes and I get girls who like working for me.