LOL!!! 
BillyR., I must say that what you’ve described is absolutely one of the most disgusting things I’ve read in a while. Thank you. I needed that laugh. But I swear, it’s a fitting commentary on what the world is coming to when supposedly civilized folks don’t know how to take a dump or a piss and then clean up after themselves.
Y’all have a good one.
Thanks, Celestina. Unfortunately, as a guy, it’s a genetic imperative to find this sort of thing funny, as long as I’m not actually the poor bastard doing the cleaning. SO while I was disgusted myself, I laughed my ass off, and thought I’d share.
Tev, Zet, I really didn’t try for an explanation, he volunteered it, much to my dismay. I just told him “hey, I noticed you left quite a mess in the crapper yesterday, you should clean up after yourself” Why he explained the process of fecal distribution, and not the reason for his lack of post-spray hygeine, I will probably never know. Nor at this point do I have any further desire.
b.
Bravo for taking an active route!
BTW - I spend a lot of time at airports. I’ve seen/smelled/felt at a distance jet exhaust. Your last sentence does an injustice to jet engines everywhere. Jet engine exhaust looks nicer, smells better, and leaves less mess than a human shit cannon.
For 30 seconds I was wondering if you worked with my father in law.
This rant is priceless!
If he don’t want the Dreaded Splashback[sup]TM[/sup] then tell him to put a layer or two of toilet paper flat on the bottom of the bowl.
Splashback is more than 95% eliminated!
Try it today!
Right- I had no intention of casting aspersions on jet engines, I was merely referring to velocity and volume. No offense intended.
Pnuk: I’ll suggest that. Hope it helps,I found another mess today.
b.
All the Whos down at Who Inc., the tall and the small
Could shit without being revolting at all
The Whos, when shitting, would shit in the pot
But the Fuckwicket, who worked at Who Inc., would not
Just yesterday morning, around ten past eleven
The Fuckwicket started shitting at mach oh-point-seven
And when Billy Who had to shit his Who-Hash from last night
He went into the men’s room and got quite a fright:
There was shit on the floor, there was shit in the stall
There was shit on the seat and on every wall
There was shit on the tile, there was shit on the grout
There was scarcely a place where shit was not about
There was shit on the handle, there was shit on the tank
There was shit on the john door, oh how that shit stank!
There was shit everywhere, the new paint was peeling
Why that Fuckwicket even got shit on the ceiling!
“How I hate that Fuckwicket,” sighed poor Billy Who
“Were I not making the effort I know just what I’d do
I’d make him lick every drop up without even a utensil
Then next time he’d be careful with his rectum prehensile”
[sub]I can’t believe that I’ve actually typed this up twice.[/sub]
[sup]RTFirefly, I hope you repost your wonderful observation.**[/sup]
Borbor, I bow deeply to your skills, I can’t imagine where you get this. Just as I feel as if my skills as a reporter of life’s tribulations has come of age, someone comes along and turns my clumsy prose into deathless poetry.
I can’t tell you how personally proud I am to have your work on my post, nor how further proud that your work is about my post… I somehow feel as if I’ve arrived.
Whatever the case, by all means, keep up the most excellent work.
b.
Thanks for typing it twice by the way…
That is just incredibly disgusting. I wonder how he can avoid being hit by some of his own fusillade of shit. Or can he? I mean, if it’s hitting the ceiling, it’s probably also going to hit him. <yeek>
And I shudder to think what his bathroom at home must be like.
[sub]must…scrub…brain…[/sub]
Borborygmi
Thank you for providing me with helpless peals of laughter.
I really have nothing to add; I just thought this particular couplet bore repeating. Thanks Borborygmi!
Now that he will be cleaning up after himself, every time you use the cleaned stall you can wonder if he sterilized it with cleaning chemicals, or just smeared up the shit with paper.
There isn’t much more I can say.
As I said before it was deleted by the reset, there aren’t too many posts that make me laugh so hard that I cry, but [bBorborygmi’s had tears streaming down my face.
I salute you, sir.
Hey, thanks for all the thumbs up, folks. Obviously, I found Billy’s fine opening rant to be, ah, inspirational. Especially the 3rd paragraph, and particularly the Suessian “Shit on the left wall, shit on the right.”
Amusing fact… I’m someone who values the near-anonymity one can have on these boards: I don’t post much personal info, I hide my e-mail address, etc. But I also generally avoid posting anything that would cause me embarrassment at work or home, just in case.
So, naturally, I throw out a post that uses the word “shit” seventeen times and the board is hacked wide open within hours. :rolleyes:
The poem was a hoot, but do any of you realize just how relevant Borborygmi’s nickname is to this thread? That got me laughing more than the poem itself.
I know I did!
Man, that’s still a mystery to me (and, I must admit, a bit awe-inpiring). Low ceiling?
Or maybe there’s no air-conditioner in the room. Just a fan. And, you know…
It wasn’t one-tenth as good as your inspired Seussian doggerel, Borborygmi, but what the hey:
From high school and college, I remember repeated occurrences of a bathroom graffito that ran basically thus:
“Anyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.”
First reaction: never thought I had to worry about someone actually doing it.
Second reaction: Fuckwicket, don’t be a hero.
Borbors’ just conducted the most subtle and neatest hijack ever!
Who gives a shit; I WANT MORE BORBOR POETRY!!!