Look, Fuckwicket,I know you got your problems. I’m aware of the fact that your metabolisim causes you to have to be in the bathroom five seconds after you eat. Or you’re taking exlax with each meal, I don’t know, but whatever the case, can’t you clean up after yourself?
You can’t weigh more than 120 lbs, and I’ve been working with you for years. Every single time I’ve used the crapper after you, it’s a mess. Today was just the final straw.
There was shit on the seat. There was shit under the seat. There was shit on the front of the toilet tank. There was shit on the top of the toilet tank. There was shit on the outside of the bowl, on the floor, and on the roll of toilet paper. Shit on the left wall, shit on the right. Shit on the spare roll and shit all over the handle of the crapper. There was shit on the hot water tap. There was shit on the door of the john. there was a nearly dime sized spatter of shit on the ceiling
Do you have a prehensile rectum that you can extend on a stalk like a snail’s eye and aim? How in the name of all that is unholy do you get shit everywhere? Is there a feces-hurling monkey which lives in your shorts and comes out only to smear the bathroom with shit?
On the rare(thankfully) occasions I’ve had to be in the same room when you were fouling our nice clean crapper, it sounds like someone is shooting a machine gun into the toilet. Ever think that you could cut back on the laxative? or maybe just not eat an entire box of Colon Blow cereal every morning? It’s not necesary for the shit to come out at mach .7 each time. Even if there’s nothing you can do to change your habits, could you make some kind of effort to clean up the flecks of shit you insist on leaving everywhere? Hell, there’s a closet in the john which is always unlocked and has the cleaning supplies! What in the shit-flinging fuck does your home look like? And while I’ve got a full head of steam, think about the guy who has to follow you in the crapper and flush. Nobody wants to come in the john and find that there’s… I can’t even describe it. Just flush, fuckwicket.
I’m going to make a concerted effort not to lie in wait for you and make you lick the crapper clean. Much as I find it pleasurable to think of doing so. I’ve started using the unisex restroom that the truckers use, it’s usually much cleaner. Hope you eventually drown in it you filthy piece of shit.