I work in a place where supposedly everyone is supposedly old enough to have been toilet trained years ago, so how the fuck does someone manage to shit everywhere but inside the toilet?
Fucking animals think it is someone else’s job to clean up their shit, no matter where it lands. Does this person have multiple assholes all over his body that just spray it out like a manure spreader does on a field?
It’s no wonder I become more and more misanthropic every day!
No shit!
Two words: prehensile rectum.
(ETA: Do not miss Post #27 of that thread.)
Hopefully you don’t work in a restaurant.
I once went back to use a grocery store bathroom. A guy who had obviously just come out of the Men’s but was far enough from it to apparently feel safe gave me a crazy-ass grin and said, “Wow, it’s kind of a mess in there.” He was gone by the time I opened the door to see a six-foot rope of shit laid across the whole stall, toilet, adjacent urinal, TP dispenser, etc.
I have no idea how he did it, and don’t want to. But… yeah.
Ok, so here’s my story, tangentially related. It’s about multiple something else, not assholes, but your story made me think of it.
The great god of Heaven, Indra, was a womanizer and a ladies’ man. He supposedly cast his eyes in a lecherous manner on the wife of a great sage. He wanted her, but she was faithful, so he magically took the form of the sage and slept with her.
The sage, upon discovering this, was enraged. Sages, or sadhus, in Hindu mythology, can have great power. If you worship and pray long enough, sometimes the gods grant you power. This sage had worshiped very long indeed.
So he went to Indra and said, “Since you love vagina so much, I curse you with it!” And indeed 1,000 vaginas appeared all over Indra’s body, on nearly every inch of his skin.
Humiliated, Indra returned to his realm and would not leave it, not even to perform his duties. After some time some of the demigods who lived in Heaven went to the sage. They pleaded with him to reverse the curse.
Sages cannot recall their curses. Once cast, they are permanent. But the sage did agree to change it slightly. He modified the curse so Indra would now be cursed with multiple eyeballs. And now Indra is known as the God of 1000 Eyeballs.
One I heard of in a grocery restroom was done on purpose.
The delicatessen where I no longer eat featured someone crapping in the mens’ room sink.
They were having labor troubles…
Although cats are more varied in their depositions, it is less.
Billy is overdue for a reappearance. Hasn’t posted in years, but last visited in December of last year. I look forward to his return.
I worked at a large multi-national computer company in the 1980’s. There was one particular stall in one men’s room that started getting the “spread shit all over the place” treatment after normal work hours. Thinking (correctly) this was a deranged employee, management started getting scared and the company security was alerted. They even spent several evenings on stake-out: they put “closed for maintenance” on the adjacent stalls and sat in there all night, hoping to catch the guy (I assume it was a guy), but no luck. They did notice that after they fired this one guy for other reasons, the messes stopped.
Really? How?
Anyway, thank God I have never experienced anything like smeared or improperly … deposited feces in my entire life. I’d probably puke.
Years ago I worked for Sam’s Club, and as soon as the store opened and old man would wheel in his wife in a wheel chair and go directly into the bathroom. When she was finished it was pretty much as described in the op. Eventually the couple was barred from using the bathroom. I felt bad for them but it was unfair to the staff and other customers.
At my store after one or two ‘shit everywhere BUT the toilet’ incidents we made a rule. After a customer uses the bathroom (it’s in the backroom, single stall, you have to ask if you need to go that badly), an employee checks it out. If you made a mess, someone’s going to come out and ask you to clean it up. A few dribbles on the floor or seat and no one’s going to get worked up about it, but if you crapped on the walls, you’re going to get handed a pair of gloves and some spray cleaner.
My favorite was when the toilet seat was covered in pee, covered. We confronted the guy, told him he had to clean it and his response was ‘I didn’t do that, I took a dump’, the boss, always a quick thinker said ‘so you sat on that?’.
THANK YOU! For confirming a phenomenon that I posted about long ago and everyone said I was crazy! Yes if you have ever worked retail you have entered a toilet to discover someone who really should have an entry in the DSM has exploded a fecal bomb inside.
My wife worked at a grocery store at a postal desk which was separate, she said once a prominent local attorney asked to use the toilet which was for employees only. So they are 99% sure it was her.
Some time after she left the grocery manager went to the toilet and screamed, she went to see what is was about and she said it was stunning. Diarrhea on the walls of the stall, the floor, the goddamn ceiling. The grocery owner paid a homeless guy to do the clean up, and he was shocked and almost walked out on the job.
This needs a DSM entry.
EDIT:My whole thing is HOW!!! How do they do it without aid of a shit hose? How do they do it without becoming covered in it themselves???
You sure the toilet wasn’t used by one of those faeces-spraying hippos?
Urgent explosive diarrhea warning, 2 minutes until “T” time, and still 3 minutes from the closest shitter.
Running, running, running…
The door, I see the door…
Scene fades to black with only the sound remaining, something like a hundred balloons deflating…
Yeah… sorry bout that dude.
I was drunk. 
Cases like the old couple in Sam’s Club - I’ve heard of such things before, where the person has so much trouble with elimination that they find public facilities to use, precisely because they can’t, or are tired of, cleaning up after their event.
Other than getting the throne messy, though, I can’t imagine the organic cause or physical situation that would result in these literal shitstorms, without it being deliberate.
Can anyone medical or otherwise experienced explain how someone able to reach a toilet, no matter how feeble or constricted in movement, could have a bowel condition that would create such explosive spattering… and without apparently fouling themselves past what they can clean up with a little TP?