Skidmarks, or Did You Forget Something, Mister?

So I walked into the restroom here at work and enter a stall, wherein I planned to make a sizable deposit. I took a look at the toilet seat (to make sure it wasn’t soiled), and I noticed that inside the toilet was a semi-messy pile of poo left by the previous user. “Stupid non-flushers,” I muttered to myself. And that’s when I noticed something strange:

There was no toilet paper in the bowl.

There was plenty of toilet paper on the roll. There just wasn’t any in the bowl. The person who dropped this particular load had not bothered to remove the klingons from his backside. :eek:

So what’s your odd bathroom story of the day?

Oh, did I mention that my boss was the last person to use the bathroom before me? No wonder he was walking funny.

I knew a guy that (claimed he) never wiped once (the subject came up when I was on the Youth Training Scheme and the premises in which we were working completely ran out of bog roll - he said “I don’t understand why you need it, I just go”.

I don’t want to think about it.

There was a large bouquet of fake orchids in a vase on the sink in the office bathroom just now. There has never, ever been anything remotely like that in there before.

This was years ago, but it just irks me to this day for some reason.

Back in high school I went to use the bathroom in the locker room and found the toilet seat completely sprinkled with urine.
Disgusted, I got tissue and was wiping off the seat and made the comment about how nasty it is to just piddle all over the commode and leave it for the next person to clean up.
Then a girl who just happened to be washing her hands, Ms. Hoity-can’t-wipe-a-Toity, speaks up indignantly with, “Well, harmless, not everyone sits on the toilet!”
So that gives you the right to just piss everywhere and walk off? Did you forget your freakin’ maid at the house? :mad:

So I’m sitting in the porcelain reading room one day, catching up on EE Times, when I hear the door to the hallway crash open, and running footsteps approach the stall next to me.

The stall door slams shut, and even though all I can see is a shadow, I can still tell my neighbor is performing the move. You know, the move in which one pulls down one’s trousers and sits on the commode in one smooth motion. This was followed immediately by a big, wet woosh.

And then the most amazing part. The sound of the toilet bowl siphoning – “schlorp-glug.”

Yes, the man had performed the fabled autoflush in which one evacuates oneself so forcefully and with such volume that you induce the siphon effect in the bowl without using the flush lever.

And there was much rejoicing. Well, at least some sighs of relief coming from the poor soul in the next cubicle. Err… I mean stall.

Not MY story, but The Cody’s.

He was working at a Hobby Lobby in Austin, a few years back. One day, he walks into the bathroom and glances into one of the stalls. And ther’s a present . . . just sitting on the floor.

“Dude, it was like this guy dropped trou, was backing up to the toilet I always hear beep . . . beep when he says this, it fell out, and he just shrugged, pulled his pants up, and went on his way.”

Almost my story:

When I was 16 - 18, I hung out at this one Denny’s a lot, with my friends. Since we’d been there longer than most of the staff, we were pretty chummy with most everyone who worked third shift.

One day, one of the say-everything-in-my-brain waitresses came up to us, and told us what had occurred in the bathroom.

Apparently, a woman was smeared shit and menstral (we assumed) blood all over the walls, and there was some on the floor, as well. I decided not to go inspect it.

We all figured that if it was a mentally handicapped (is that the proper PC term these days?) women had done it, well, it was gross, but what an you do. If it was a fully-functional adult female . . . ewwwwwwwwwwww. Why would you DO that?

Autoflush? Jesus God. I wonder what the muzzle velocity of the steamer has to be in order to induce this phenomenon.

When I was a kid and in church, I was using the bathroom one busy Sunday morning. All of a sudden I hear another child voice in the next stall stating “Mom, there’s someone pissing”. I just about fell off the stool from laughter. It was so funny. I don’t think the mother was as amused as I was.

My husband went into the loo at one of our local grocery/department stores only to find someone before him crapped in the urinal! :eek:

My husband reported it to management and as we were leaving the store, we saw a young kid heading toward the bathroom with a bucket and Rubbermaid gloves up to his elbows.

I’ve never felt as sorry for an employee as I did for that poor guy.

It is a strange phenomenon known as the Perfect Dump

They are good! :wink:

Well, quite; the Perfect Dump and the Mighty Piss are two of life’s most primal pleasures, but this guy can’t have had a 100% Perfect Dump rate, can he?

While working for a bank (private and corporate banking only) I was in a stall with someone in the stall next to me. He had finished and I saw his feet move around and face the toilet, and THEN proceeded to wipe…while standing. The only thing that I can think of is that a great many employees were from the German-speaking part of Switzerland, and that he was used to the stool-inspection shelf of the german toilets. I figure that he couldn’t drop the paper in until he had seen the sample and had a chance to reflect.

The worst experience i have ever had (and i have had a couple of awful ones) was when I waddled into one of those really small public toilets (the ones with just a urinal and a single toilet) REALLY needing a dump. As I opened the door, I saw that someone had pulled their pants down in expectation of the explosion but hadn’t quite made it.

There was semi-liquid diahorrea (?) all over the floor, on the toilet seat and (presumably) in the toilet. The stench was overpowering.

Unfortunately, I REALLY needed to go, and there were no other cubicles. I chose skidmarks.

Back in primary school all the girls had to go to the hall so the teachers could talk to us. Apparently, someone had smeared shit all over the wall in one of the toilets. Ick!

I’ve always been told that a meatless diet, high in bran and fiber produces very manageable poo. Perhaps this fellow’s good eating habits have given him a perfect dump rate.

No cite or evidence, that I know, wholly supports the claim, but I’ll verify at least one case of a diet rich in red meat that could justify investing in a Toilet Paper Company.

My odd bathroom story:

A few years ago, when my youngest was about 2, I had taken him to the local urgent care. He was seen, and as we were leaving, I decided to use the potty. The bathroom was off of the waiting room. I’m sitting there, peeing, and he proceeds to OPEN THE DOOR. The toilet is situated so that it’s facing the door, which is facing a whole room full of people. EEK!!
Even though he had no problem OPENING the door, he couldn’t comprehend my demands to CLOSE it. So I had to get up off the toilet, facing all these people, and close the door.

I have never exited a place so fast.

It would be nice to think so, but alas; he was a poor student at the time, just like me and we all ate junk.

stool-inspection shelf? Dare I ask you to elaborate? Does this imply the existence of stool inspectors, or are Germans trained in self-stool inspection techniques?

Behold the horror of ‘THE SHELF’

That way they don’t have to waste time by stopping to wash their hands! :smiley:

Back in the early 90s my company was going through a lot of lay-offs. We’re talking thousands of emplyees. (from 8500 to 4500) Someone started wiping shit on the walls in the men’s restrooms in one of the buildings. It’s a large building and has 7 restrooms. This went on for weeks, with different restrooms getting the treatment. Everyone felt sorry for the janitors. That is, until they caught one of the janitors in the act. He was doing it to make sure that he had work and wouldn’t get laid-off. Well he got his wish. He didn’t get laid-off - he got fired.