Share your memorable restroom stories

In My Humble Opinion
1

This thread currently in the Pitgot me to reminiscing about some more memorable occasions in the restroom. (Yes, I figure this can go in a lot of different and maybe NSFW directions).

Here’s my most memorable restroom story.

In 2000 I was living near Bangkok and happened upon an acquaintance from Germany. She invited me out with her German boyfriend and a couple of other Thai friends. We went to a very Thai - meaning not typically visited by non-Thai folks - music club up in the higher numbers of Sukhumvit Road. The bands* played a mix of Western music covers and Thai rock-n-roll songs. People sat at long tables and ate and drank while listening to the music. Many of the folks tended to stare a bit at me and the German boyfriend dude, but most met us with the warm smiles that are typically of Thai folk.

Somewhere towards the end of our bottle of JW Black the German dude disappeared for a while. When he got back he told me I had to go to the toilet. He didn’t explain why, just said I had to check it out. Okay, sure, whatever.

So I go up to the bathroom, which is toward the front, by the side of the stage. The first thing I noticed as I went in was that there was some sort of gambling going on in the front, which I understand is very illegal in Thailand. Someone once told me that you can’t even by playing cards there, although not sure if that is true. They seemed to be playing some game with dice but don’t think it was Craps, which in retrospect, might have been appropriate.

So I go up to the urinal to do my business. A young Thai man, probably in his twenties, comes up behind me and begin giving me a shoulder and neck massage, sort of like what you might get at an old fashioned barber shop. This is a bit of a shock to me, as I have never had a man come up and lay his hands on me while I had my junk in my hands, but I figure “when in Rome” and decide to enjoy it. The guy does a good work up on my head and neck while I am trying like hell not to pee all over the wall. Finally, while I am putting stuff away and zipping up he cracks my neck and even, somehow, pops my ear lobes.

I wander over to wash my hands and now notice that probably 1/3 to 1/2 of the guys in the bathroom are actually very proactive bathroom attendants. They’re pulling out fresh towels to dry your hands, turning on the sink, offering a comb, whatever you need. All are polite, neatly groomed and smiling. After I am all finished I get a big *wai *from the guy.

I tip him, receive a thank you and another wai.

What was maybe most surprising is that I’ve spent a pretty decent amount of time in Bangkok and never saw anything like that before or since in any of the “farang” places. It was only in a Thai place with a very middle class or lower clientele. One that probably couldn’t afford to tip too much.

So, what’s your story?

2

Okay. I’ll play. Even though I already mentioned these two events in other thread(s) at SDMB under different provocations.

Both occurred in the restroom at work long ago.

In the first one I walked in to relieve some strain and noticed one of the sinks lying in the middle of the floor. Nobody else around. So I tore off some paper toweling and wrote on it in ballpoint: Out Of Order. This I placed in the sink on the floor.

The second involved the sink again, but this time it was correctly installed and there was a sign taped to the mirror which read: Please don’t throw paper towels in the commodes. I assumed we had some real dummies in the work force so I added to the plea for decorum by making another sign that I taped next to the one already there: Please don’t shit in the sink.

Sorry mine aren’t as colorful as yours, but at least you got a reply. Better than mine are doing today. :slight_smile:

3

I was visiting White Sands in New Mexico a few years back. On the way out, we stopped at the visitor center and I went into the bathroom. Just as I was walking in, a little girl and her mom were walking out. The little girl kept repeating, over and over, in a really high loud squeaky voice “I’VE GOT GAS! I’VE GOT GAS! I’VE GOT GAS!”

The look on mom’s face was priceless.

4

I was at my SIL’s bachelorette party at a “tavern” in a sort of swanky neighborhood. Swanky compared to mine at least. I’d been to that bar before, and the restrooms weren’t half bad. It was just one stall but the door worked, the toilet worked, and the sink worked. And there was both toilet paper and working lights. It was as clean as to be expected.

I went to use the potty and when I returned my SIL looked at me in horror and said “oh, I wish you would have told me you were going to the bathroom. I would have warned you that they’re not very nice!”

It was then that I realized that my brother was marrying a bit of a posh girl who hadn’t been in too many bar/rock club bathrooms. I still love her anyway!

5

Road trip from Houston to Lafayette, LA for a tournament. I felt the need for a pit stop, so I pulled into one of the many truck stops along the way. SWMBO stayed in the car and I went in.

My timing was…I guess perfect is the only word to use. Just as I opened the door to the men’s room, someone in one of the stalls cut one that an elephant would have been proud of. Long and loud enough to echo off the walls. Did I mention it was long?

I closed the door, got back in the car and went down the road to the next place.

6

The men’s room at Hardee’s - a guy was in one of the stalls grunting and groaning and carrying on so much I thought he was having a baby.

7

A few:

At my former place of employment, we had some guys who had a regular schedule for their daily deposits, and these guys tend to eat Indian cuisine quite a bit. We usually try to avoid the restroom when it’s Dump Hour, but sometimes you can’t hold it…so I go in one time and I’m just about to unzip to use the urinal and the guy in the stall lets out a HUGE ripping fart, and says “OH SHIT! OH SHIT!” Then, a few seconds later, as the smell hits him (and an instant later, me) “OH MY GOD! SHIT!” I tried to hold my breath as long as possible to get out of there then.

I was at a restaurant and went to use the men’s room; apparently some lucky dad had taken his small daughter in to use the stall; he was standing outside the stall, asking if everything was OK, and the response came back in the voice of a sweet, innocent little girl: “Daddy, my poop is squishy.”

Same restaurant, different day; I went in to the men’s room and a busser was just finishing mopping the floor. As he was putting up the “wet floor” sign he slipped on the wet floor and went headfirst into the mop bucket, knocking it over onto himself. So this poor guy was lying on the bathroom floor, covered in dirty mop water, and here I am, asking him if he’s OK while I try to stifle a laugh.

8

Just a passing question: have you ever had the experience of somebody insisting you go to the restroom to bear witness to what they had just given birth to?

When that happens, why are you always without your camera?

9

I used to work at a small law firm which shared a bathroom with many other small businesses in the same office building.

One day, there appeared some hand-crafted signage in the ladies room: inside the stalls, it was “Please flush the toilet after you use it - unflushed toilets cause e-coli bacteria infections”. Then, at the sinks, it was “Please always wash your hands after you use the toilets and use the antibacterial soap which I have provided.” This was an office building, not a restaurant. Note that the bathrooms had always been very clean, I had never seen an unflushed toilet, and they were well-supplied with their own soap in the built-in dispensers. She had put out an additional couple of clear glass dispensers with some sort of hospital-grade disinfectant.

So, an anonymous woman had decided we were all dirtbags and had taken it upon herself to teach us basic hygiene. I tolerated it for awhile, but it eventually got under my skin and I started posting my own signage in which I went to the counterattack - I pointed out the bad science behind “unflushed toilets cause e-coli infections” and stated that I’d use the bathroom’s own soap supply, dammit. She counter-counter-attacked with signage praising her own leadership in the health and cleanliness field.

So I put a big cockroach in her transparent soap dispenser. No, I’m not proud (but it was fun - the dispenser disappeared after that).

10

A little sign appeared next to the light switch in our workplace’s bathroom that said, “Turn off the light—it’s a bright idea!” I added a post-it that said, “but then I can’t see what I’m doing!”
I heard people laughing in there, but soon my post-it note was gone. Bah.

11

I was at a rave kinda thing back in the late 90’s and had to go visit the bathroom. Most people at this thing are drunk or high on something or another and so aim pretty much goes out the window. The floor was just covered in this pool of urine and there, in the corner of the bathroom, is a guy and girl lying down in the puddle having sex.

People are going in and out of the bathroom and of course everybody stops to stare in disgust at what’s happening. Everybody is wondering WTF and the romantic couple is just going at it completely oblivious to everything around them. It was easily the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen at that point, though the internet has since shown me much, much worse.

As I walked out there was a cop was headed in, somebody must have reported them which is good because I think if you’re high enough to have sex on a piss swamped public restroom floor you’re probably a bit too far gone to give any meaningful consent. Or maybe it’s just your thing but either way, uuuggghhh.

12

I was once by myself in a large men’s room (highway rest stop, I think), at the far end of a long row of urinals. I heard someone else come in and walk up to the opposite end of the urinal row, but I was tired and staring at the wall and didn’t pay any attention to him.

As he stepped up to the wall, I happened to glance over at him. The urinals were separated by shoulder-high metal dividers, so all I could see was his head at the other end of the row, looking down – albeit with a strange grin. Then I heard him say brightly, “Well, hello, smiley! How are you? You look happy!”

I must have betrayed some alarm on my face, because he glanced back at me with a “WTF?” look. I returned my gaze to the wall and hurriedly finished up.

As I was walking out, it was only then that I was able to see that he wasn’t at a urinal at all – rather, he was at the changing table, with his baby in front of him.

13

I worked in an office where several of the women complained about a particular woman who had a habit of leaving the seat up in the ladies’ room. Apparently enough women had fallen in or had had a close encounter* that they had figured out who was doing it. If they knew why she was doing it, I never heard that part.

  • (of the turd kind?)
14

What? Not proud–I think I am in love with you girl :slight_smile: That is classic!

I was at a conference/trade convention a few years ago in Germany. This was in this huge hall and easily the largest bathrooms I have ever been in. You walk in and I swear there were 100 stalls and urinals–probably not, but man it seemed like it. But there were lots of people there moving through the urinal and toilet lines.

Suddenly some guy (luckily we couldn’t pinpoint which stall) starts farting…no that doesn’t capture it…he starts making huge explosive noises in rapid fire one after the other. First there was just sort of nervous laughter, then it would get quiet and he would shoot off three or four more rounds. Eventually the laughter just started rolling through the bathroom. As most of us know there is no talking or laughter in the Mens’ room, but everyone was laughing their ass off and making comments about this poor guy.

I felt so bad for the guy, but then again we couldn’t identify where it was coming from. Must have gotten hold of some bad Kielbasa is what I figure:)

15

I once worked in a fast food restaurant and it was my day to be on bathroom duty. Not long after one of the times I had cleaned them one of my co-works came up to me and told me I’d better go look at the bathroom right away. So I hurry in and look around. I don’t see any problems. Then I open the handicapped stall. There were feces everywhere. All over the toilet, the floor, and (here is the best part) about five feet up the wall. It looked like someone had set off a very nasty bomb. I still haven’t figured how, short of scooping it out and smearing it, one gets stuff five feet up a wall.

16

Driving west to visit mrAru’s family we went from somewhere in Idaho on whatever route ends up going through Sisters OR … the first rest stop in Oregon is a 4 hole privy, 2 for guys and 2 for gals. if you want to wash your hands you have to hop a fence and use the trough in the pasture and hope the bull is feeling mellow :eek:

17

Well at least you risk the bull after going to the bathroom.

18

Jeez people,

I made a post a while ago about a particular co-worker. It’s not showing up in a basic search. Basically, the TLDR version is this:

  1. I’m at a urinal at work.

  2. Disgusting slob co-worker walks in. He’s holding a day-old canoli.

  3. While I’m wondering WTF he is doing, he sidles up to the adjacent urinal. Pops the canoli in his mouth to hold it. Unzips, pisses, returns to eating canoli.

I’ve also observed him coming into the men’s room with a full-on hoagie in hand. Right hand grasps the unit to piss, left hand continues feeding on the hoagie. He’s probably the most disgusting guy I know.

I also pitted this fool for always parking in the office’s handicapped spot - his wife has a disability, he does not.

19

We bought a house that was a Scientologist drug rehab centre. We had to tear out the main floor washroom because there was several inches of shit on the floor, shit all over the walls, and shit on the ceiling. As far as we could tell, it looked like people played with shit in the bathroom, crapping on the floor and then smearing and throwing it all over.

20

Oh my god, I almost choked on my apple, I laughed so hard. :smiley:

My only memorable bathroom incident was more of a cultural faux-pas. While traveling through Morocco by bus, I got off at a tiny cafe/rest-stop to use the bathroom/hole in the ground. I didn’t want to rudely stand right outside the door while waiting my turn, so I stepped to the side into a little alcove. Not until some men came to politely shoo me away did I realize I was stepping on their prayer mats in the area reserved for prayer. :smack: