To the other male occupants on my floor of our office building:
Guys, c’mon now. Seriously.
As it is, we have a bad (and well-earned) reputation for having poor aim when it comes to peeing in toilets. I understand this. I’ve had moments of splatter in my day. No one is perfect. I mean, we don’t let women on to this, but peeing is HARD. I get that.
But here’s the thing. When you turn around and plop your ass down on the toilet, things should go a little differently. See, the toilet has this really big opening between the seats. And your anus is several orders of magnitude smaller than that opening. So I just can’t imagine that I’m being unreasonable when I suggest that you should be able to deposit your fecal matter inside and below the boundaries of the toilet seat when you take a shit.
Let’s be honest with one another: public restrooms are unpleasant enough locations already, even in a respectable professional location such as ours. Strange smells dance playfully with one’s nose upon entry, it’s not uncommon to find the last occupant (or two, or three) didn’t bother to flush, and the sinks seem little-used. Most of you are attorneys, and I realize that it would be unethical to bill clients for time spent in the lavatory, so you’re understandably in a hurry to get in and out as quickly as you can. I’m all for efficiency. But when I enter a stall to enjoy some post-lunch quality time with today’s Fry’s ad, the last thing in the world I want to see is evidence of your meal from last night on the seat. And I’m seeing it far too often. I’ve found myself pondering – against my will – how this even happens. The only image that comes to mind is from Chappelle’s Show, but I’m guessing the damage would be more wide-spread if you were that active on the toilet.
All of you are married; if you were pulling this at home, I know your wives would beat you senseless, and justifiably so. None of you are paying me enough to clean up after you just so I don’t have to squat when I handle my business. So please, please…just stop shitting on the toilet seat, OK?
Dear OP: thanks for taking the time to append [gross] to the title of this thread. Otherwise, I might have mistaken it for one of those, you know, pleasant and appetizing threads about people shitting.
The sit and spinners…some large intestines, it seems, form rocket fuel to use as an expellant. I’m always disgustingly amazed by the amount of mess some people can cause.
I suppose I should have added that if you’re a person that truly has a problem controlling your file exports, as it were, then could you at least wipe up after yourself and not leave it for the next guy?
We often hear about women who delicately squat above the seat, to protect their precious derrières and who (accidentally, no doubt) piss on the seat.
Are there men who do the same? I would think that trying to squat while squeezing one out would be a lot less … satisfying … than doing it the traditional way.
Seriously- what type of office building is this? Do you share a floor with services for the mentally challenged? Because I’ve seen some rank office toilets, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen what you describe even once, and from your post its a common occurrence?
I don’t mean to imply that the toilet seat is covered in crap, if that’s how I’m coming off. It’s just that once every other day, at least, I will walk into a stall and see that someone has left a very particular stain on the back of the seat. And since I don’t personally make a habit of using the seat to wipe my ass, I can’t figure out how it gets there.
I’m a girl, and I saw it in the girl’s bathroom the other day. Waaaaaaay on the back of the seat. I could not for the life of me figure how they got poop back there. Didja rub your ass back and forth? Maybe it was the toilet paper? Yuck!
So it’s likely just a very long-legged or very fat (or just clueless) person sitting too far back on the seat? The ewwww factor in this is that, if I did that by some chance, it would become obvious as soon as I tried to wipe. Are these people just not wiping?
Have you considered putting up a sign? Someone put up a sign in a work bathroom here once, it wasn’t this exact situation but something comparable, and the gross/odd behaviour stopped after the appearance of the sign.
Perhaps the person thinks nobody else notices. At least a sign saying “Please refrain from leaving your excrement on our toilet seat. It’s really gross.” might embarrass someone into shaping up …
Be thankful you only see piss that’s already dried up.
Few indeed are the women who have never used a public restroom and never once wound up with a damp behind because they didn’t see the still-liquid residue on the seat from the thoughtful hoverer who came before them and failed to wipe up her mess. At least shit is generally always readily visible.
Dear Seat Shitter:
Your last deposit has been carefully removed and sent to an independent lab for DNA testing. We have also collected DNA samples of all men who were present when this deposit was placed. BUSTED!
Good Lord. I’d like to retract my OP and let posts #1 and #27 from your link stand in its stead. I’m in awe.
Unfortunately, I am, without question, the only person here who would ever consider doing anything like that, and it would be painfully obvious to everyone else that I was responsible for it. Since all the other males working here are my superiors, it just wouldn’t be in my best interest.
wow, so the shitter is your superior! I can see how that increases the awkwardness.
Of course, before someone started shitting on the seat, you probably thought that without question, nobody would ever consider doing anything like that. Exceptional times call for exceptional measures, or at least, that is what you could claim if confronted about your sign.
This reminds me of the time I found a TURD in the BATHTUB of my OWN HOUSE. the horror! It had to have been one of my roommates. (I had four at the time and I could narrow it down to one with about 95% certainty.) I wish I did not know that the only thing grosser than finding someone else’s turd in one’s own bathtub is the knowledge that one is living with someone who would not only take a dump in the (shared) bathtub, but who would leave it there for one to find. shudder.
