Gotcha- a brown smear I have seen fairly often on a toilet seat, blobs of feces, not so much. 
“Please join us in a bold experiment. For the next week, we’ll be shitting in the toilets and not on the seats. The results may surprise you.”
See, this right here is the ticket. You could even spruce it up with a bit of manager-speak. Drop some references to “leveraging our directional defecation resources” or “achieving synergy with the lavatory bowls” and the pompous shitstains (heh) you work for will go for it like hotcakes.
those are perfect. And if they are noncompliant, the dreaded “he’s not a team player” goes on the annual review…
Aangelica is right-that is one horrible feeling.
I clean this type of mess up every livin’ day. Apparently, my husband is blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other. Or he doesn’t - never mind. I have no fucking idea how he can be unaware he’s leaving this, and I don’t even want to contemplate the idea that he leaves it knowingly.
If it’s just a little stain it’s probably a lack of TP swipe followthrough control, not a direct deposit.
I feel awful that I need to keep clarifying this with any kind of detail. It’s a stain that does not cover a large area, but it’s…three-dimensional. It usually has…peaks.
Ahh the wide stance defense, Asimovian are you in the employ of a certain US Senator?
CMC fnord!
Holy crap, this is disgusting. Almost every day there’s a brown smear on the toilet seats in our office. Usually along the back part which I avoid as if my life depended on it, but sometimes also along the sides. And what’s up with the shoe prints on the seats? I heard that in some cultures, people stand on the seats and squat to use the toilet, but I can’t imagine anyone in our office, all of whom I know fairly well, doing that.
It’s a Hershey’s Kiss?
I sense an Urban Dictionary definition in the making. :dubious:
In college I knew a girl who did that – claimed it was healthier, more natural.
If it helps you to overcome the PTSD you’ve suffered from reading that letter, it looks to me like a likely fake. Set off my bullshit detector, you might say.
Apparently there are miscreants out there who gain some sort of perverse enjoyment out of composing letters and messages whose content is not entirely sincere!
Kind of like analog trolls?
Next thing you’ll be telling me is that Penthouse Forum is fake. I don’t believe you.
I don’t know which is more disturbing. The letter or your ability to spot it as a fake. 
Hee.
Speaking of signs, we did get the “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat” put up in the women’s room after our big boss noticed pee deposits regularly. That did not deter the culprit so she started following us in and checking behind us (after we exited, thankfully) to see who it was. Now, we all knew it was this very strange HR woman the big boss had hired and had as a pet, but we didn’t rat her out.
In my current office, I’d like to put a sign up that says “If you’re going to flush a tampon (which you really shouldn’t be doing), please make sure the flush cleared everything. If not, flush again.” Nothing like coming in to a toilet bowl full of red water.
The women’s washroom on our floor was being fixed so they were letting ladies use the men’s room (of course with a guard outside to prevent embarrassment).
I went in to the lavatory after a gaggle of women departed, opened up the stall door and discovered someone had been reenacting the chumming scene from Jaws in the toilet. There was bloody water and clots and I don’t know what else. There could have been fish heads, for all I knew. The fairer sex, my ass! Finding that the toilet has been turned into a tampon tureen is not on my list of favorite events.
I meant to say, by the way, that I’m not sure I’d ever use the tub again in your situation. I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes during a bath without that imagery springing to mind.
What, some scraped off as it went by? Hmmm… I’d call that a “Louganis.”