OK, so there have been a lot of dating advice threads of late, so I figured, since all the cool kids are doing it, I should too:
Basically my problem is this: I don’t “get” dating.
I’m OK going up to girls in bars and stuff, and making them laugh, and general socialising, and people usually assume I’m successful with women.
But when it comes to actual dates, they’re always disappointing. I always feel like we’re not connecting, there’s no spark, and generally it’s not fun or interesting.
I’ve never had a long term relationship, all my relationships fizzle out after a brief time.
So…what do you think? Is it just a matter of trying to do more activities where I’ll meet like-minded people etc etc?
Or is it proof that I’m a soulless android?
I think you’ve got your finger on the problem, Mijin.
You need to find someone dateable that likes what you like and enjoys what you enjoy. Unless you spend a LOT of time in bars and find that to be all the social interaction you need, look elsewhere for a significant other.
Do you have regular friends?
If so, try to think of a ‘date’ as the initial stages of a friendship, there’s really not a lot of difference. Someone you want to date should be someone you could be friends with, and see yourself becoming “best friends” with, with (depending on the person) lust or at least some sort of physical attraction.
Don’t put women on a pedestal, they’re easy (not in the “damn she’s easy” way, necessarily). Just relax, if you’re not connecting it could be because you don’t connect with a lot of people. That’s how I am.
I have 3 people I consider “friends,” who I genuinely connect with, and of all of my previous relationships, only 1 of them did I connect with. The rest were pretty much acquaintances, like most of the people I know.