I don’t know if any of you remember the thread I posted a few months ago titled, Lies, Betrayal, Pain. http://http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=280332
Suffice it to say, much has happened since then. We decided at first to not have any contact with said couple, but later relented, and agreed to try to maintain the friendship. We tried for a couple of months, but, my hubby just couldn’t do it, so just before Christmas, he spoke to the husband and told him that it would be best if we not see each other anymore. The problem isn’t with the husband, but with the wife. So, the husband, understood my husband’s position, and agreed.
Fast forward to last night. We had found out through some other friends that the cheating wife was supposed to have a biopsy on her breast last week and the results were due yesterday. Terrible news! She has breast cancer, and it’s very aggressive. She is only 35 years old, which is not a good sign either. The husband came and told us himself yesterday. It was extremely painful watching our friend (yes, I still consider him a friend) sobbing and crying in our garage. He was begging us to reconsider our stance and see her. I told him that I would go and see her, but my husband won’t reconsider his stance. My husband did tell our friend that any help that would be needed with the kids would come from us and we would help in other ways too.
They don’t know what stage the cancer is yet. They go in to the surgeon on Monday and more will be found out then. Treatment and order of treatment will be discussed. Plus, a lymph node biopsy must be completed. There probably will be chemo, radiation. I’m not sure if the lump will be excised, or if the breast will be removed. I guess all will depend on what they find out through the lymph node biopsy, etc. She will, of course, be ill from the chemo and radiation. Furthermore, they think the tumor has been growing for close to two years. She just had a physical last August and it was not noticed.
I just feel so terrible. Based on my visit with her last night, I don’t think she has fully absorbed the news. I guess I would be in a state of shock too. They aren’t telling their kids for now. I’m not sure I agree with this decision, but I did urge her to talk to a doctor to seek some advice/input for discussing this with their kids.
Their kids are young and have already had two brushes with cancer and death. The problem was that they never called it “cancer” they just said so and so was sick. So, the boy associates “sick” with death. I am concerned that he’ll see his mother laid up, sick from the chemo and start thinking his mother will die.
Look, I know medicine has made tremendous leaps and bounds. I know breast cancer, if caught early enough, is one of the most treatable cancers there is.
I am just so concerned for the husband. His wife still doesn’t feel love for him and now this. How much more can the fates, life, who or whatever deal to this guy?! He is a top of the line, best guy in the world. There in a heartbeat for whatever you need him for and life keeps dealing him these terrible blows.
I know all I can do is be his friend, help with the kids, errands, and at least lend her a shoulder or ear. Mine and the wife’s friendship will never be what it was, but I’ll do the right thing and lend her an ear or shoulder.
Didn’t mean to dump on all of you, but I needed to get this out somewhere and the SDMB has been a great source of wisdom, advice, and humor.
I’m not looking for advice, just needed to vent.