The thread about “former military…favorite jargon” reminded me of this story at the military-themed web site Duffel Blog. It’s about sending a new guy (newbie, nug, whatever you called them) to find something that didn’t exist (grid squares/muffler bearings) or to do a made-up job (helicopter watch*).
What are some of the things you sent newbies out for or made them do, or what was done to you?
*have some private stand on the parade field in the middle of the night, with his red-lens covered flashlight, and instruct him that when he heard or saw a helicopter fly nearby he should signal it with his flashlight directing it to land safely.
One DS at AIT used to make the new class take a floor buffer outside, and buff the parking lot. Until a captain made him stop, because those floor buffers are expensive.
Get a bucket of camo paint was always one of my favorites.
I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this on the Dope before, but here goes again.
I was temporarily in charge of the tool room, where people would check out tools for the day, and one day an exhausted new guy comes to my door and asks to check out “a fallopian tube”. I kept my composure, told him I didn’t have one and to go ask the bos’n locker.
He shouted “Dammit! This is the fifth tool room I’ve been to and no one has a fallopian tube!”
I still smile when I think of that poor kid roaming back and forth around a carrier all day asking for a female body part.
We would also send newbs down to the reactor plants for a “bucket of steam”, especially on cleaning details.
“This stuff won’t scrub off, go below and get the nucs to fill this with steam.”
Chanute AFB. A chair on the barracks roof, a steel whistle and a typed up list on the bulletin board(that can be removed when the sarge is walking through)…Hurricane Watch!
We used to do this in boy scouts. You’d send someone out for a Skyhook or a Left-handed Smoke Shifter.
My favorite one was at an event where the parents were visiting, and they sent a guy out for a Bacon Stretcher. His mother overheard, took two of the Boy Scout Aluminum Plates, and pressed them together and handed it to the requester.
“Put the bacon between two of these. That ought to hold it,” she suggested. I’m very certain that she didn’t know it was a gag, but I admire her ability to come up with a quick solution.
When I was in the RCAF I sent one of our FNGs out for a “rubber file”, which is used to remove rtv (silicone) from antenna fairings without damaging the paint.
I also had guys barking into the back of the afterburner assemblies doing a “harmonic dissonance check”. If you went “woof!” really loud into the back of the burner can,any cracks would cause a ringing sound from the loose metal vibrating. Also called a “woof check”.
The prop wash gag backfired on one of my buddies when he tried to pull it because his intended victim was a former AME (air maint engineer)and came back with two bottles of prop cleaner after spending the afternoon having coffee on the civvie side of the airfield while my buddy had to explain to the Sgt that he was sure the guy was around somewhere…
This isn’t a newbie quest, but I find it to be a pretty funny (supposedly) true story and rather than start a new thread.
There were two acting sub-lieutenants going through their phase 4 naval training (Canadian Navy). They were both known as being a couple of jokers. The training as you might expect involved a lot of interaction with a senior NCO. And as you might expect the senior NCO was a grizzled old sailor who didn’t like having to teach a couple of junior officers and so he yelled at them a lot. One day, one of them broke their glasses and tied it back together with a pipe cleaner and a little piece of pipe cleaner was sticking up. Well the senior NCO was yelling at them, and saw the pipe cleaner and said “What the **** is that?!?”. To which the sub-lieutenant replied “Actually that’s an antenna for communicating with the bridge so we can tell them how you’re treating us.” The other turned to his friend and said “And how is he treating us?” The first fellow presses on the “antenna” and says “Bzzzt not very well, over.”
Let’s see. We’d send a newbie out to the bow of a cutter in foul weather gear and binoculars for “Mail Buoy Watch” because the Captain was expecting an important letter.
I’ve sent Middies on their Midshipmen Cruise searching for “Batteries for the Sound Powered Phone”. Which generally led to the middie being sent on a search for the keys to the “Sea Chest”.
There’s also “Waterline Paint” and “Shoreline”. And I drove some students crazy searching for the “OH EFF EFF OH EN” switch (said aloud) on a piece of equipment.
Maybe I’m underestimating military gullibility, but I have to question how many actually fell for this (and a few of the other pranks mentioned in this thread) versus the number who took the opportunity to go grab a nap while “searching”. Did any of them ever tell you they found the battery, and it was right under your nose all along? 
A newbie is inundated with jargon they don’t understand and quickly realize that a lot of what they need to know aboard a ship is NOT taught in the classroom or marching on the quad. One time, while I was stationed at Governor’s Island, a small fleet of work boats from Annapolis stopped by for a couple of days. In the chow line at the snack bar/bowling alley (the only place where you could get a pizza without leaving the island), a USN Middie asked me what my collar devices were.
Oh. “Collar Devices” = Metallic pin on rank insignia. One for each collar point.
A tube of relative bearing grease.
Sending a guy for a can of squelch.
I sent boots to Supply for…
- gallon bucket of prop wash
- left handed paint brushes
I have had boots scout the flightline at night for hub caps off of A-10s and F-4s. They never found them.
Yes, but when the name of the thing itself contradicts what you’re being told to do, I’d think it would at least raise questions.
