I thought we had one of these recently but I’ve looked through threads from the last two months and couldn’t find it, so I’m starting a new one.
With Halloween just around the corner, my almost-3-year-old grandson is walking around going “Ooooh… I’m a dhost…”
I say to him “You’re a dhost?”
“No… I’m a dhost!”
It’s like that Get Smart bit with “Not Craw… Craw!” He can’t quite say it right, but he knows you’re saying it wrong. Cracks me up.
My daughter was four when her brother was born. For the longest time, when her mom was feeding the baby, she would tell people, “Mommy is in the other room milking the baby”.
My 3 year old boy is excitedly trying to get his mom’s attention. “Watch this Mommy. Watch this!” She finally looks down and say “What Buddy?”. Looking up at her with his eyes half closed he starts taking little short breaths and making a funny face. Puzzled but not wanting to show she didn’t really understand she says “Ohh cool, what’re you doing?”. Aggravated he repeats “Waaatch” and starts doing it again. Finally she asks in her nicest voice “What are you doing?”, and he happily tells her “I’m making my bottom close”
Wokka-bees get me! Wokka-bees get me!
That was my oldest boy when he was three, running in from the back yard. He took my hand to show me. It turns out he had made the mistake of standing in a line of ants and they had crawled up his legs.
Bees was the only insect name he knew, and the difference between them and bees was that they were walking (wokka) instead of flying. Not a bad turn of logic.
He was happy to learn a new insect name and also happy to learn that the ants would leave him alone if he didn’t stand in their line.
My two-year-old just informed me that “Feet is a kind of foot.”
This happened almost 50 years ago, but is still good. When my son was about 9 months old and his sister was 26 months old, my wife bathed the boy and told the girl, “We’re gonna go for a walk, but we hafta wait will Adam gets a little drier.” A few minutes later my wife saw my daughter parade arond the living room and heard her chant, “Hafta wait till Adam gets a little dryer//Hafta wait till Adam gets a little washing machine.” She said it in perfect iambs. We still laugh about it.
A couple from my daughter, now four:
A bit more than a year ago, when my wife was pregnant with our second daughter, older daughter announced that she had a baby in her tummy too, and when Mommy’s baby came out, hers was going to come out too.
Fortunately, she seemed to have forgotten about that by the time younger daughter was born, so she wasn’t disappointed.
More recently, she (older daughter) was pretending to be at work. Mom had been explaining what she did at work all day. It’s pretty hard to explain to a four-year-old what a lawyer does, so older daughter (OD) came away with the understanding that Mommy sat at her desk all day and wrote things on pieces of paper. Which, I suppose, isn’t far off from what a lawyer actually does.
So OD is sitting at her little desk, scribbling frantically on a piece of paper. She’s “working.” I asked her what she was writing, and she said “messages.” Then she pretended to be on the phone, holding an imaginary phone between her ear and her shoulder. I asked her who was on the phone, and she said “it’s another [OD’s name], but she’s not me. She has a different face and different hair, and she’s older, and she’s mean. And she’s not me.”
I asked her what the other [OD’s name] wanted, and OD said “More messages! More messages! She wants more messages!”, and started scribbling even more frantically on more pieces of paper, throwing them to the floor when they were covered with scribblings and starting on another piece of paper.
I thought, wow, Mom must have had a rough day at work the day she explained what she did at the office.
When my younger sister and I were young kids watching a cartoon where a dragon breathed fire on a bad guy, my sister said, “I’m glad the dragon fired him.”
My little boy told me about “the really big T-Bone” he was going to cook for dinner. Isn’t it cute that he didn’t know it’s called a Porterhouse.
I guess things change a bit when your kids are in their 20’s 
Was in the park feeding nuts to the squirrels with my four year old son. I asked him if he knew where monkey nuts came from - after a bit of thought he proclaimed “monkeys lay them!”
Pulling my son out of the bathtub, his nipples hardened in the cold air. Noticing this, he angrily proclaimed “My tummy circles have pointers!”
“Tummy circles” isn’t part of the home lexicon. I guess he made it up on the fly.