Okay, so this is rather dumb, but the other grandma thread reminded me of something I’ve been wondering about for a while.
My maternal grandmother died before I was born, and I lost my paternal grandmother when I was 11. I’m 20 now, and every once in a while it occurs to me that there’s a gap in my life there. I have no idea what it’s like to relate to a grandmother in any mature sense, and it bothers me–not only because I miss my grandmothers (well, I guess I can’t so much miss the one I didn’t know, but still), but also because I’m just plain curious about how it feels to have that sense of connection and history. So I guess basically I want to ask other Dopers is this: what is/was it like for you, having and relating to a grandmother at this age? What about it can be difficult, and what’s particularly nice?
Kind of a weird request, I guess, but there you go.
One really nice thing is you can get almost anything you want without getting up. Grandmas (at least many of them) seem to be constantly worried about you. Do you want a soda? Would you like some cookies? etc. etc. etc. Your mom will expect you to get off your ass and get them yourself but mention how you could go for some cookies and some grandmas pop right up and go into the kitchen to make them for you. Not that I’ve ever done that but when offered I’ve not been above saying “Yes, I would like some cookies.”
My maternal Grandmother, Margaret, raised me as much as Mom & Dad did. She was a wonderful influence, & I’ll always cherish her memory. Hugs & love, in unlimited quantities.
I miss her so.
Every now & then, she appears in one of my dreams, & I count that a a wonderful evening.
It’s pretty easy for me; my only remaining grandma is my mom’s mom, and I believe she finally thinks I’m about twelve. No adult interaction necessary. g (I turned 28 yesterday.) I’m only half-joking, but it’s not bad, really. She’s helped me a lot with school expenses and stuff, though I’m on my own for that from now on – my decision, not hers. But honestly, I don’t think she’ll ever see me as a full-fledged adult. I guess that’s okay, but I don’t think she’ll ever realize I don’t adore her the way I did when I was three. It’s called change, Grandma, you’re 83, you should know about it.
**pasunejen **, I don’t think it’s dumb, I wonder about stuff like that too. My paternal grandmother died the year before I was born, my maternal grandmother died when I was seven, my maternal grandfather died when I was eighteen, and my paternal grandfather- who I saw about 1/2 times that I can recall- died when I was twenty-three.
Now at twenty-six and having no grandparents at all, and pretty much not having had any since I was in my late teens, I find it sort of odd to listen to my friends talk about their grandparents; even odder when people in their 30s or older talk about their grandparents. I have no idea how adults interact with grandparents, and I can’t shake the notion, every time I hear a comment about others’ grandparents, that grandparents are something you lose or outgrow when you’re young. I think it must be nice to have them, though.
Yeah, I always feel a little weird when my friends talk about their grandparents (and it felt too weird asking them the question posed in the OP)–my paternal grandfather has been gone quite a while too, so my maternal grandfather’s the only one left–and I haven’t seen him in ages, so I feel toward him the way I do toward my paternal grandmother: there are a lot of good fun memories from childhood, but the relationship’s dead.
So like you, I tend to think of grandparents as people who’re around when you’re little and then disappear before you have a chance to realize that they’re not just entertainment/gift machines, and it throws me for a little bit of a loop every time one of my friends casually mentions a visit or whatever else.
Mostly I feel like my family lacks a lot of continuity and connectedness it might otherwise have, due to direct and indirect fall-out from these losses. While it sucks for everyone involved down to my generation, it’s something that can be restored pretty quickly–most people don’t have significant relationships with their great grandparents, so my kids’ll have a functionally complete family, and anything beyond that is just stories (of which there are plenty).
Meanwhile, hearing other people’s thoughts about grandmothers has done a little bit to fill that hole–many thanks.
My Mom’s mother helped raise me and my brother, after raising four of her own children as a widow during the Depression. No charity, no handouts. She worked hard to keep it all together, and instilled in us the virtues of thrift, self-reliance and doing what was right. My 3 other grandparents were long gone when I came around. I work with a woman who is in my age range, early 50’s, and she still has a grandmother. That is rare. Do what you can to appreciate the one(s) you’ve got, or make the best of them at least. The perspective IS different at my age, just wish I could still do all the things I’d meant to do and say.
I tried to fix something here yesterday, but the boards went down between my hitting reply and hitting post.
It’s interesting, because the older I’ve gotten, the more human she’s seemed. Little kids tend to worship their grandparents, but I don’t worship her anymore. And while she seemed old to me as a kid, now she actually is. It’s weird, somehow, but she’s pretty cool sometimes.
