Ok, I know we’ve had plenty of these threads, but I just cannot get enough!
My best friends daughter said the funniest thing the other day while I spoke with her on the phone.
I asked Natalie (age 3): “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Her reply: “A KID!!! HAHAH! Just kidding.” Me: “Ok, then what”
**Natalie: ** “I want to be a teacher” Me (so pleased to hear this): “Really? And what do you want to teach?” Natalie(ever so innocent and truthful): “I want to teach people what to do when their gum falls out of their mouth.”
It was hilarious!! So, what have your kids, your friends kids etc done recently that was just too funny??
This might be more “cute” than “funny,” but what the heck:
Every year, two of my friends and their little boy and I go downtown to see the White House and Capitol trees. This year we went on Saturday, and I sat in the back seat with Nick (who is 3). We went to the Capitol tree second, like we always do, and as we parked I said to my friends “I like this tree the best.” Nick turned to me from his car seat and, out of the blue and with perfect sincerity, said, “I like this one the best, too.” His mom laughed out loud, while Nick smiled at me as though we’d just shared a big secret. It was so cute I almost couldn’t stand it!
My son (4) started pre-school this September. Every day when I picked him up after school I’d ask him what he’d done at school that day. He wasn’t that forthcoming with his replies, and several days into this routine, he lost patience and said:
“Mum! Are you going to ask me that **every ** day?”
I was just thinking about this earlier today! When my oldest child was about 4-5 years old, she was learning the letters and their sounds. We had a set of AlphaPet books that have extra words in the back. We were reading the “M” book and when we were through, I told her to sound out some of the words in back (I covered the pictures up so that she wouldn’t just guess!) She was sounding out the word “muffin.” I covered the picture while she carefully sounded out each letter, but not fast enough: “MM-UH-FUH-FUH-IH-NN…cuuupcake,” she said confidently. Her dad and I totally cracked up!
Another time, she asked me what “minnows” were–she heard them mentioned on TV. I explained and she still looked slightly puzzled, then her brow cleared and she said, “OH!! She means minners!” (Please note my location!) I really did try not to laugh, but I just couldn’t help it!
Young daughters liked chicken nuggets, but wouldn’t eat much else for fast food. One day BoringMom made them fish sticks. In order to get them to eat without a fight, she called them long skinny chicken chunks. To let me know when we were having fishsticks, she called it F-I-S-H chicken.
Oldest daughter learned her letters, and one day asked “Are we having F’ing chicken tonight?”
When my youngest Christian was 4-5 I was making my first sweet potato pies. I grossly misjudged the amounts of stuff I needed to make two pies and ended up with about 9 pies. Anyway I had four pies cooling on the counter and as I’m taking pies from the oven I notice Chris standing in the doorway counting the pies. He then leaves rapidly, as I’m taking another pie out he returns and counts again, and again he leaves. This time I hear “Guess what? Everybody is gettng their own pie.”
Kids don’t always respond to conversation in a linear fashion. She was still thinking about the six days until Christmas and working out how to spell it. It just so happened that her S-E-X spelling fit into her father’s question albeit in a very disturbing way.
I also apparently fingerpainted with the contents of my diaper as a child. My mother said the window was open for three days straight in winter in Fort St. James despite the cold.
Co-worker’s nephew, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up:
A: A firetruck!
Q: Don’t you mean a fireman, young lad? (Avuncular chuckle.)
A: No, I want to be a firetruck! (Child rolls eyes. Adults must be deaf.)
So the bedtime wars have started already. The 16 month old has gotten it into his head that he’s not going to fall asleep until he is literally too tired to play anymore. Which is fine, if he goes to bed at 8 or 9 instead of 6 or 7, then he sleeps until 7 or 8 instead of 5 or 6.
The problem was that he’d have several “false starts”, where he’d act tired at 7, so you took him upstairs, and he’d lie still for 10-15 minutes, then he’d pop up and run out the bedroom door, go downstairs and play for another half hour, then start to act tired again…repeat until we’re all crazy. So I’ve been telling him that it’d be really nice if he found a better way to let us know when he’s really tired enough to fall asleep.
So last night, around 8:30, after he’s been doing little more than staggering around for a half an hour, we ask him if he’s ready to go “night night”. He’s standing there, he turns to me, and says “Nigh Nigh Da Da.” Then, to emphasize the point, “Nigh nigh DA!”
You have to realize that he hasn’t said anything resembling a word in about 4 months (although he has picked up a couple signs, and he understands a lot of words that you say to him).
So I take him up, sing him a song, then put him in bed with the wife, who gets him to fall asleep in about 2 minutes.
Her: " `pril? Do you know what a prophylactic is?"
Me: “No, ask Mom.”
Her: “I know already! It’s like a condominium!”
I proceed to ask my Mother what a prophylactic is, then laugh my ass off as I realize what exactly my sister had been trying to say. I then taught her ‘contraceptive’. Heh.
Anyway… this kid was torturing and killing a bee and this lady saw him and asked why he was killing the bee and the kid said he didn’t know why, he was just bored.
The lady says don’t you know God made that bee and the kid replied very quickly; “He’ll make another one”.
I don’t do it justice but that is one of my favorite “hilarious kid stories”.
Little Case will be three next April - he’s pretty much toilet-trained, but still has the odd accident - Missus Case and I are very aware of the warning signs, and caught him yesterday frantically adjusting his undies:
Me {anxiously} “Do you need to pee?”
He {indignantly} “No! My pants are stuck in my bum!” {They were, too - wedged uncomfortably in the crack…}
Missus Case and I dissolve into fits of hysterics, whereupon he strides around the house for the next half-hour, proudly declaiming “My pants are stuck in my bum! My pants are stuck in my bum!”
.