Incurable disorder of the penis? So sorry about that. But I’m curious, can we get a little more detail as to the disorder? If you don’t mind…
And… “As far as I can tell, my wife is perfectly OK with the idea of never having sex again…”
So sorry about that too!
Sex can be and often is enjoyable. I sympathize with those who have struggles with it.
What kind of lily-livered commie pinko atheist un-American bastard doesn’t like bologna sandwiches? (Especially fried bologna sandwiches? Hell, they’re even hip around here.) Also, I had no idea they were associated with black people. If I have a stereotype for them, it’s Midwestern children’s food (and “Midwestern” stereotypes conjure up “white” to me.) You must not live in the Midwest if people are giving you shit about eating bologna sandwiches.
NEW SECRET (same as previous)
Since you ask, I have Peyronie’s Disease, which was something I’d never heard about before. No idea where it came from, I don’t recall traumatising my poor tallywhacker but from mid-2013 on I noticed some discomfort and a constriction near the base, which means the erectile tissue there does not work any more and even if I were to try to insert a bent penis, I’d have no support for it, and the one time I tried it was acutely painful.
No pain now, and I can get myself off even in the absence of a proper erection. Which is just as well as I’m not about to be getting any help. Welp, I’m in this marriage for good no matter what, although I like to think that if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be looking to make her disability something to work around if she wanted me to.
AFAIK surgery can correct a bend but I don’t think it can do anything about a constriction - it’s not going to get erectile tissue working again. Probably a little too specialised a topic for dear old Qadgop, though you can tell him I said hi. Well, apart from not explaining who I am, of course.
NEW SECRET
OK, here goes. I have not slept a full night since this happened about a week ago, I don’t know what to do. So basically I am in grad school and money is tight. I don’t live at home but one state away from home (easy to drive home on weekends etc)
At the beginning of last semester my friend told me about a way to make some extra money. She was always buying new stuff any loaning me money and she told me her secret, which was that she was working in this “massage” place that was not really about the massage but about the “happy ending.” Basically giving men who came in jerkoffs at the end of the massage. Nothing else, no other kind of sex.
So at the end of the year I had TA for summer which pays nothing, and she was going home for the summer and long story short I asked her if I can get her job. I had all these worries it would be a sleazy boss who would ask for “extras” before I got the job but it was an older lady who was actually super nice and just asked me if I knew what they did there which obviously I already did.
So it was pretty easy and in a weird way I just sort of justified it in my mind, My parents are not super strict but they are religious and so I just blocked out thinking about it when I wasn’t at work. I used a different name and everything at that work like everyone did. And I got my Visa paid down.
So last week I am starting with a client. Basically we ask for the money and ask them to get “comfortable” and then we leave for a bit. Then when I came back he was just sitting on the table (not lying down which you are supposed to do) and he looks at me and says my name. My real name, not my massage name
And then I recognized him. He is a neighbor of my families.
I turned around and left. Left drove away, did not get paid, not been back.
And now I am awaiting for my parents to call, or something else to happen which I can’t even think about,
(REAL POST, NOT A SECRET)
To the last secret-teller: you’ll get through this. There’s nothing wrong with what you did. You didn’t hurt anyone – it’s just a sin according to certain old-school (and bullshit, IMO) moral systems. At worst there will be stories, but I think it’s quite likely your neighbor is as embarrassed as you might be, and won’t tell anyone.
But even if he does, your life isn’t over. You can deny it was you, or you can say it was your first day and you didn’t understand what you were getting into, or you can say that you are doing what you have to do to make ends meet. Or you don’t have to try and justify yourself at all – it’s your business, not anyone else’s. Some people might give you crap about it, but then you just know who’s decent and tolerant, and who’s bigoted and chauvinistic and not worth your time and affection. And if it’s family that’s giving you crap, eventually they’ll either get over it, or you’ll learn that they’re just not decent and caring people.
You’ll get through this. Good luck!
Plus, he’d have to admit to your parents what he was doing there, in order to “tell” on you.
Doubt he wants to do that.
To the secret teller: While you may feel embarrassed about this, I doubt you’d hear anything from your family about this. This guy would have to admit to your family that not only did he go once to be able to see you there, that he probably goes a lot to these kind of places. And if this guy is married? He has a lot more to lose than you do.
So please, don’t beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong and hurt no one.
ETA: Darn it, Ninja’ed by Ivory
NEW SECRET
For years I’ve wanted to post this here but never did out of fear of ridicule.
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and had severe back pain. There was talk of a cast or surgery. Before that could happen, though, I went to a fundamentalist youth camp with my church. During a service the speaker did a “someone with a sore leg needs healing, come on up and be healed!!” session.
So then he says “someone here has a painful back and may need surgery, come and be healed!”. My friend turns to me and says “hey, maybe that’s you!”.
I headed down the isle and when he came to me, he put his hands on me and prayed for my back to be healed…and it fucking was.
That was it, my back never hurt again. The night before I was up most of the night in pain from sleeping on weird cots. Then that night and ever night after - no pain.
A few weeks later my friend says to me “hey, you never complain about your back anymore. You used to go on and on and I didn’t want to say anything, but it drove me nuts.”
Ok so that’s the secret. What the hell happened to my back?? It’s the only thing that keeps me going full atheist.
Particularly if he’s married.
HOLY BENT BONER, BATMAN!!! – Urology Care – What is Peyronie’s Disease?
Sorry, couldn’t resist that one. 
In all seriousness, I humbly thank you for the explanation. And you are lauded to be committed to your marriage.
Typical marriage vows: “… in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, 'til death do us part…”
What they really mean, for some people:
“As long as you make me happy,
as long as we’re financially well off (and, oh yeah, I get to define what well off means,
as long as you remain physically attractive to me,
as long as you don’t piss me off, even though I didn’t mind that habit before we got married…”
… and I could go on. So, kudos to you, Mr. Secret Sharer.
Paging Qagdop…
Miracles do happen. I’m a man of faith, and to me, God is around us. We just have to be open to receiving Him.
I’m happy for you, that is awesome!
Or you can talk to the guy, straight up, and tell him you won’t tell about him, and please, don’t tell about you. You might also be able to tell the guy that if he does talk about you, that you only prep the rooms and the clients while it’s another lady who performs the actual service. That may be an iffy story but it’s a better position than him being an actual client.
And yes, good luck, you will get through this!
Thank You God.It’s an 11 minute video of the atheist Tim Minchin singing about a miracle healing. For those who don’t have the time the lyrics start off like this:[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
Incurable Disorder Of The Penis would be a great album title.
I have no secrets I would be wiling to share. Oops, now you know none of these were from me.
NEW SECRET
I and especially my wife are very disturbed by something that happened last night. She came to bed later than I did and when she came to bed, apparently I grabbed her somewhat roughly, she pushed me away, and I grabbed her again and she had to yell to get me to stop. By then I was fully awake and apologized, but I don’t really remember why I did it. I think I might have been in the midst of a dream or something, but I don’t know. She tells me that I often will reach towards her or embrace her when she gets to bed, but it’s never been rough like this and she never had to yell to get me to stop. We’ve been married almost 10 years. Obviously this can’t happen again and it’s very disturbing – it feels like I might be a dangerous person and can’t control it.
NEW SECRET
Everyday I want to die. Now please don’t worry - I’m not researching poisons on the internet or
planning to by a gun. But I wish this would be over with. OMG I just wish this would be over.
Ever since I moved out on my own I have lived alone. I am exhausted of taking care of everything
my self. I bought a house a few years ago - the prices and interest were very good but it has
been nothing but work and stress to take care of it. Everything is cluttered and messy. I keep
trying to organize my self and get things cleaned up but keep getting distracted or tired. The
condo I owned previously was also like that and I lived there almost 20 years.
I have never fallen in love or dated. I can’t decide if I’ve missed something important or
avoided a lot of pain and trouble. I don’t always feel comfortable around other people and
have very few friends.
I’m tired of worrying about my job. Although I’ve been there almost 14 years I wonder how long
its going to be before something happens - say my job being exported out of the country. I’ve
had to struggle with the more technical parts of my job and all the little details are difficult
to keep track of. My coworkers are nice but probably tired of dealing with this.
My parents are reaching the point where in a few years I will probably have to step in
and take care of them. My father is slowly deteriorating and my mother, while she is doing
pretty well right now, will probably suffer a similar fate as well. I worry about them
daily.
If you have read this far I apologize if you found this depressing. I want this to be over
with. I just want this to be over with.
You sound like a kind, considerate person, but you also sound like you’re clinically depressed, and like you have some anxiety, too. Have you gotten professional help? If it didn’t work the first time, or the second or even the third, please try again. You don’t deserve to be feeling like this. Hugs.
QFT I know how it feels when even ordinary things seem insurmountable, not to mention worrying about the things that will go wrong in the future. Please talk to someone – it doesn’t make you weak or a failure to seek out help.
(real iiandyiiii – not a secret)
This is a tough one. Anyone have any experience with weird sleep occurrences? That’s the only thing I can think of – something like sleepwalking, assuming they’re not leaving anything out.
My father has had dreams where he is fighting someone to the point where he threw himself out of bed and only woke up when his face hit the dresser. He punched my mom in the face in bed once. Regarding the times when it’s reaching for her but not roughly, I had a partner who would kiss me passionately in the middle of the night and go right back to sleeping – it’s probably all happening during his sleep.