Hey, right now I am totally, *totally *playing this Thai prostitute!!!
First of all, I told her I didn’t care if she was a prostitute. Joke’s on her - I really did!!
Then I put her up in this apartment that was nowhere near what I could really afford, but told her she’d have to make do with four bedrooms, two baths, and a maid. HA!! Chump! And when she asked if she could have some of her friends over to “work” (she did the little “air quotes” thing with her “fingers”) I told her only if I got some of the “profits”!! She insisted people like me only got 5% of the take from places like this, but I totally steamrolled her and negotiated 7%. Yeah, that’s right, *seven *whole percent!! And when she told me she usually takes in about $150 a night, oh no she meant a month by mistake 'cause her English is bad, well then 7% of $150 is… ah… heck, you do the math.
AND we negotiated a sweet deal where I only have to take her to dinner twice a week and in return she lets me touch her thigh. Under the dress!! But over the stocking. She said under the stocking would be another dinner a week. Sucker!! I would’ve done two!!
So now that I totally had her roped in I dropped the bombshell – told her I loved her! HA!! I only really really really really really liked her!! She told me how sweet I was (I know!) and how special that made her feel (it should!) and since I obviously cared about her continued security and welfare (those English lessons I paid for were sure paying off!!) then she knew someone who could provide protection for her and her friends when I wasn’t there. Which, because she was shy and didn’t want me to see her “work” (I never found out exactly what she did, but I think it was something in the arts, because artists are weird like that), was most of the time. So I started paying “Snake” (yeah, I know, weirdo artist friend or something) to do security. He was a ninja or something because I never actually saw him around.
So I led her on like this for a couple of months, then went for my reward. Gotta get a little sumpin sumpin for Mini-Jimmy, eh!! So she asks me how long I have left on my tourist visa and I tell her the truth – three weeks. Well she is a sex MONSTER because she told it me would take FOUR weeks for her to do everything to me she wanted to!! Woo hoo!! But she didn’t want to start without being able to finish (tell me about it!!), so I’m going to spend the next three weeks doing all the tourist stuff in Thailand (temples and stuff), then jet on back to the states, take a week to recover and get back on schedule, then she’s coming over to the U.S.!!! And I know she really will because I already gave her the money for the ticket!!
I am. Da man.