Mice have been dying. The veterinary staff and my co-workers have been going back and forth about what is causing this. There is a chance that this is a parvo virus outbreak. Blood work is being done on some random animals and the sentinel mice. If the virus is present, our research is in jeopardy.
We investigate immunological responses to organ transplants. For our work, the mice need to be “naïve” – posses immune systems have never been exposed to anything. Antibodies for the virus will compromise our results. I have been working on a line of genetically manipulated mice for a year now. If the virus is present, all of these animals die.
This is just one more thing on a long list of troubles. The head of our department is leaving for another position next year. The internal politics are changing because of this. Who will be the new department head? Will s/he support us or eliminate the program? Can we find grant money to continue our research or will we have to stop and look for jobs elsewhere?
For months I have been feeling unhappy at work and at school. I enjoy research. It’s like gambling, you never know what will happen next. There is a thrill when something new is discovered or when a hypothesis matches the results. The downside of academics is the uncertainty. Will an upper-level journal take our paper? Will we get another grant? I could go on for hours about how the bureaucracy grates on my nerves, both at work and at school.
For years, I have worked toward a bachelor’s degree in biology and strived to be a competent research assistant. Currently, I don’t qualify for jobs at private biomedical companies or hospitals. Have I painted myself into a corner? My greatest fear is to finally have my BS and not have a job. (I watched both my parents get college degrees. Father had a PhD, and Mother had two master’s degrees. Both parents where chronically unemployed. This fear goes deep into my core.)
sigh I’m tempted to go back to therapy. Talk about all my fears and anxieties with a third party.