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She has some embarrassing personal habits I’d rather not discuss.

It usually takes about 3 hours, depending upon whether I get any help from the cat.

She got a “C-minus” on her paper about Jacques Derrida. Personally I thought it was brilliant, but I guess the professor didn’t appreciate her sarcastic approach.

He didn’t believe me when I said the cat peed on my homework.

Yes, I spoke with him. It won’t be ready until Thursday.

For some unexplained reason, the cat pee smell was very faint. I think that’s the reason for his doubt.

Oh, that was the day I thought the cat had peed on the kitchen floor, but it didn’t smell, and turned out to be a leak in the refrigerator.

Of course he wants a brain cactus.

Yes. See to it, if you please, Commander.

I found it under his bed, coated with dust.

I’m always finding them under the sofa, mostly the white ones. I honestly don’t know where the black ones disappear to.

Maybe, but could you be more specific?

No, I hadn’t realized that they could be kept as pets.

Yes of course, it was the first place we thought to look.

Yes, it’s about to begin momentarily. I guess I’m as ready for it as I can be, under the circumstances.

It was extremely painful; I almost passed out.

I hate answering personal questions in a text. Call me if you really need to know.

I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been called for jury duty.
knocks on wood

Yeah, I thought about getting one, if I can get a good price online. If it works out I may get one or two more.

Yes, I’d love seconds.