Anti-pirate (Arrgh matey type) protection ideas wanted!

In My Humble Opinion
1

One of these days I hope to get out of Dodge, buy a boat and sail around the world. So when I’m not busy at work my thoughts generally turn to working through all the things that have to be considered when out on the high seas. One of the things you still have to deal with in some part of the world are pirates and various other thugs trying to board your boat to rob/kill you and/or take your boat.

One of the big debates in sailing circles is whether to carry a firearm on board as a means of protection. While a gun has its advantages there are also lots of reasons not to have including:

[ul]
[li]There is the potential to have it taken away and used on you.[/li][li]A gun can escalate a simple robbery into a life and death situation.[/li][li]And mostly: Guns are illegal in many foreign countries and having one on board will prevent you from clearing customs. If a hidden gun is found penalties can be severe ranging from jail to confiscation of your vessel.[/li][/ul]

So I’m thinking that I won’t carry a gun on board, BUT I don’t want to be without any form of self-defense either. Some ideas that I’ve come up with include:

Some sort of highly potent pepper type sauce loaded into one of the older style water fire extinguishers used to hose down the faces of boarders.

Electrifying the top lifeline (lifelines are a series of stainless steel cables that that ‘wrap’ around the deck of the boat and prevent people/objects from falling overboard - but this may be defeated by wearing gloves and it may be hard to accomplish due to the limited batteries on board a boat).

I remember seeing one guy that had rigged up a flamethrower of sorts that shot pressured gasoline out of a section of pipe. I think this seems a bit dangerous and cumbersome to deploy.

So Dopers, let you’re creativity run wild. What sort of anti-pirate device can you come up with? Remember that simplicity is best and that devices that depend on electricity or motors may be difficult to run on a sailboat.

2

Mace. Much.

3

Install a couple of torpedo tubes :slight_smile:

4

Well, first of all, there are some real-world concerns to ponder here.

Do you want to be in a position where weird violent people can do anything to you they want?

If the answer is “no,” then it’s time to consider the options. This is where whether or not to use lethal force comes into play. You have already mentioned that a firearm can turn a robbery into a life or death situation. Keep in mind that if you’re going to be sailing around the world, precisely what do you have that anyone is going to want to steal?

My first thought is “your boat.”

This leaves you with the option of resisting the thieves, or swimming home. And that’s assuming they don’t torture you to death for fun.

So… we up the ante. Somehow, I don’t think pepper spray is much going to deter a gang of guys who want to kick your ass, loot your boat, and pitch you overboard. Not unless you have enough of it to load a water cannon and hose down the entire attacking boat… and I figure that’s probably illegal in a lot of places, too.

This leaves two options: attacking the pirates, or attacking their boat.

Attacking the enemy boat is good. A good .50 caliber deck gun will make splinters out of most small craft in short order, at a hellacious range. It’s also a devastating antipersonnel weapon, if you need one.

…which leaves the question of how to obtain one. They’re illegal for private citizens to have in the US. I don’t even know if you CAN get a license for one of these bad boys, outside of being a merchant mariner.

The torpedo tubes option was likely facetious, but such things aren’t unheard of. Except on sailboats. I’d recommend some sort of remote-controlled high explosive device, with a radio-controlled delivery system – a toy RC boat, perhaps. Admittedly, this exposes you to enemy fire while deploying the thing, and a good shot on the pirate boat can take out your antipirate system, and perhaps detonate it, maybe too close to your face.

…which brings us back to small arms.

Before investigating shootin’ irons, it is wise to examine the circumstances in which they will be used. Modern pirates never hoist the Jolly Roger to let you know it’s okay to shoot at them, and they hardly ever just steer right at you on an intercept course while congregating on deck and waving cutlery at you.

A much more common method involves ambushing, preferably when you’re in a place where radio transmission is difficult (or simply distant enough that they can kill you, loot your boat, and boogie onward before anyone ever shows up to help you). Another favorite trick involves waving a flag as a fake distress call, and then attacking you as you pull in close to ask if they need help.

So: any kind of long-ranged high-powered weapon is likely not going to come into use. After all, you don’t want to be sniping at anyone until you’re SURE they’re pirates, and by the time you’re likely to be sure, you’re also likely to be close enough to smell their breath. I’d recommend shotguns. Many governments aren’t too picky about shotguns, due to their limited range and their hunting uses.

I’d stay clear of handguns, though – a lot of places get VERY weird about those… but I don’t think any government has tried to outlaw the Very pistol, a single-shot flare gun. It’s inaccurate as hell, but I sure wouldn’t want you shooting one at MY boat, especially if I’d been sloppy about tidiness and maintenance…

There’s a lot to consider here, and I’m no mariner. Given the option and the finances, I’d probably just spend the money on a cruise ship ticket, and do my round-the-world-tour that way. Safer, air-conditioned, meet lots of interesting people, and you never run out of rum…

5

Hey! Don’t go hating me!
<okay, dumb hijack. Back to your regularly scheduled advice>

6

Have you considered a device which fires a sort of beam that causes death, and is modeled after those designed in the third decade of the 20th century?

7

Mace. The other kind.

Or a well-balanced fire axe.

8

I’d recommend a 1620s style ray gun.

runs away

9

While the torpedo tubes and deck mounted cannons appeal to the James Bond loving side of me, I’m not to certain about their legality, practicality and cost…

A good number of the scenarios where people are attacked by ‘pirates’ involve people from shore seeing your boat, 1 to 4 of them hopping into a motorized boat (usually a dingy or other small craft), catching up to you and trying to clamber on to your boat to rob you. They may or may not have guns (but usually not). So if you can be sufficiently difficult to board (which is not easy in the first place) you may be able to dissuade them from continuing the attempts.

The distress trick is well known and until you can sort out what’s going on (sometimes no easy task) one is well advised to approach another boat with caution for just such a reason.

10

You have to be extra careful of Captain Nemo from the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. He was both a pirate and a ninja!

11

What about a high powered Laser? Run it off a bank of solar rechargable deep cycle marine batteries, something on a boat you’re likely to have anyhow.

You can blind & burn with it, it’s very fast, so you could spray the entire oncoming pirate crew. You wouldn’t kill them, but you’d prolly be able to ensure that they would not be preying on any more innocent sailors.

AND it works from a long distance, just in case they do raise the jolly roger from afar.

12
      • As I understand it, the only place that pirates frequent is the South China sea, and they steal cargo ships full of goods, not smaller boats.
        …
  • Nothing beats planning a pleasant intinerary and carrying a firearm or three though. If nobody needs to die, great. If somebody does, it shouldn’t be the victim (you).
    ~
13

I’m afraid I don’t understand. Is your cutlass in the smithy for drastic repairs? :smiley:

14

But ninjas are totally sweet, and pirates suck ass! To be both is too much of a paradox.

Now to be a ninja and a HIPPO…

15

…Might I suggest, y’know, sailing around the parts of the world that have pirates in them?

I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of exotic locals that don’t have bloodthirsty buccaneers roaming the waters. Some of them even in the “First World.”