Ok…so how did this bunch of pirates in their piece of shit motorboats armed with a couple of RPGs, some small arms and what appears to be a stick plan to stop 10,000 tons of cruise ship? More to the point, where did they plan to store their pirate booty? And can secret pirate caves even handle todays modern cruise ships?
Well, you tie the stick to your feet, launch the dud RPG, firmly entrenching it into the boat, and when they run away, you ski like there is no tommorow, and when they slow down thinking they lost ya, you climb aboard and hold them up at stick point and take the boat to a pre-determined place, namely your pirate cove, and now you have treasure and skeletons (from the crew), and even a new pirate boat for your next victims. Maybe even a better stick.
Sonic blasters are all well and good, but there is nothing that deters assholes in motorboats like Ma Deuce. Carnival could skimp a bit on the grade of caviar they serve and outfit each of their ships with a few of these.
Well, they don’t have to actually be on deck every moment, do they? They just have to be deployable with a reasonable degree of speed. That essentially just means that each gun’s crew removes it from its storage locker, places it on its mount, and loads a belt of ammo. You want laughter all around? Heck, watching said assholes in motorboats attempting to flee from intersecting machinegun fire is the very definition of hilarity! If you want to promote the party atmosphere, then have each gun use different colored tracers. Guests from the various sections of the ship will then be able to brag about how splendidly “their” gun crew performed during the excitement. We won’t even go into the fun that could be had from betting…
Although it’s not as easy as Bruce Willis and his peers make it look to hit a small target (pirate boat) from the deck of a moving ship. Our trained gunners on the carriers could only hit a target a couple of times during live fire exercises, and that was after expending one hell of a lot of rounds. Of course, the noise from these fast blunderblusses would probably be enough to scare the scurvy dogs off.
Now you’re talking! And at the end of the cruise you get a complimentary guncamera DVD from when it was your turn at the trigger! Man, can you imagine the envy in everyone’s eyes when you get back to Omaha and invite everyone over to see the videos from your cruise?
Do you get a discount on your next cruise if you actually hit a pirate? How about if you blow a hole in the side of their ship? What if six people shoot at once and the ship sinks? Who gets the credit?