http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051108/us_nm/somalia_pirates_dc_1
Ok…so how did this bunch of pirates in their piece of shit motorboats armed with a couple of RPGs, some small arms and what appears to be a stick plan to stop 10,000 tons of cruise ship? More to the point, where did they plan to store their pirate booty? And can secret pirate caves even handle todays modern cruise ships?
Yaarrr!!
Well, you tie the stick to your feet, launch the dud RPG, firmly entrenching it into the boat, and when they run away, you ski like there is no tommorow, and when they slow down thinking they lost ya, you climb aboard and hold them up at stick point and take the boat to a pre-determined place, namely your pirate cove, and now you have treasure and skeletons (from the crew), and even a new pirate boat for your next victims. Maybe even a better stick.
Sonic blasters are all well and good, but there is nothing that deters assholes in motorboats like Ma Deuce. Carnival could skimp a bit on the grade of caviar they serve and outfit each of their ships with a few of these.
Yarrrrr.
gets the rum and skittles off
I don’t know, it kind of distracts from the party atmosphere to see some machine guns on deck. I’d be happy to see the pirates blown off their feet by a loud bang. Laughter all around!
Well, they don’t have to actually be on deck every moment, do they? They just have to be deployable with a reasonable degree of speed. That essentially just means that each gun’s crew removes it from its storage locker, places it on its mount, and loads a belt of ammo. You want laughter all around? Heck, watching said assholes in motorboats attempting to flee from intersecting machinegun fire is the very definition of hilarity! If you want to promote the party atmosphere, then have each gun use different colored tracers. Guests from the various sections of the ship will then be able to brag about how splendidly “their” gun crew performed during the excitement. We won’t even go into the fun that could be had from betting…
Although it’s not as easy as Bruce Willis and his peers make it look to hit a small target (pirate boat) from the deck of a moving ship. Our trained gunners on the carriers could only hit a target a couple of times during live fire exercises, and that was after expending one hell of a lot of rounds. Of course, the noise from these fast blunderblusses would probably be enough to scare the scurvy dogs off.
Yarrr. We’ve come for your shuffleboard.
Better yet, get rid of the skeet shooting and let the passengers themselves take turns shooting at the pirates!
Now you’re talking! And at the end of the cruise you get a complimentary guncamera DVD from when it was your turn at the trigger! Man, can you imagine the envy in everyone’s eyes when you get back to Omaha and invite everyone over to see the videos from your cruise?
wakes up Hrm?
reads the article
Huh. Amateurs. Give me another wake-up call when Anaamika’s ship is within firing range.
Do you get a discount on your next cruise if you actually hit a pirate? How about if you blow a hole in the side of their ship? What if six people shoot at once and the ship sinks? Who gets the credit?
Ha! We’re making off with your booty and rum, you’ll never catch us! Ahoy! swings away
Thus proving conclusively what I’ve always known: every international cruise ship should be stocked with a staff of reliable ninjas for just such an occasion.
Am I really the first person to think of this?
Pirate attacks on cargo ships are still actually pretty common. Apparently a real trouble spot would be the Straits of Malacca.
Crew the ship with ninjas? The only advantage to that might be that the pirates would wear themselves out sodomizing the ninjas to death and be too tired to do much harm to the passengers.
I was just on a cruise in the Carribean. In spite of what you see in the movies and the Disney ride, there weren’t any pirates. 
How DARE you! Some of my best friends wish they were ninja ship captains!
